Subject: Great chick drummers!
Time: 12:06:37 AM PDT
Author: moongirl9
Sheila E.
Meg White of the White Stripes
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Subject: Girlz 'n Boyz
Time: 10:08:07 PM PDT
Author: moongirl9
I am a bit weary of kids today.
Me! The cool mom on the block is worn out with the knocking and the questions and the water and the dog barking because of the knocking....now I'm just being a bitch.
I love all the kids in the hood and they love me. But this week has been frustrating and challenging to my overall friendliness. TB had the finger thing on Monday and every day since then, the kids have been coming over and pushing the legal limit of "visiting kid" time. The kids play here anyway but it seems much more frequent lately. One sweet little thang has been here 4 or 5 times today, twice with her sister. I love Linda and Tanya. They're good girls but gawd, are they persistent!!
"Come back in a couple of hours, girls." Half hour later, they're knocking. Same thing with Charles, who lives here with his dad and stepmom part time. He's been here twice today but it was 3 or 4 times yesterday.
Then there was Scotty who took a huge stick to my sofa and made an existing hole even bigger by digging it. I sent everyone home after that. I was mad. I asked him why he did it and he said "There was a hole there already!"
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Subject: Thanks Minnie!
Time: 12:01:44 AM PDT
Author: moongirl9
"Plan on seeing me fat, walking around Malibu, proud of it." --Minnie Driver
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Subject: 101 minutes
Time: 9:30:58 PM PDT
Author: moongirl9
Dear Hollywood,
I would like my wasted time back, please.
Ashley Judd was the best person to barely pull this one off. She is an excellent actress. But, please. How did you get her to make "Bug"?
I know it's based on an original play but oh my....it was just horrible. I hope the play was better. Is there a book, too?
I want a refund for 101 minutes. If I don't get it, I'm not going to take my son to see the new Batman movie.
Your move.
Sincerely,
The Queen of Wishful Thinking
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Subject: There will be blood...and I'm not talking about the movie!
Time: 8:45:43 PM PDT
Author: moongirl9
"Chicks dig scars!"
At least that's what my son said after the pain medication kicked in. Oh God.
The guys talked me into TB having his first Swiss Army knife. It's kind of a boyhood ritual, right? He's been so good and responsible with it. Mostly he uses the toothpick or the scissors or whittles a marshmallow stick from the willow tree.
Today he was removing tape from a pencil.
I saw him doing it. A tiny voice said, "Hmmm....that doesn't look right." But I asked out loud what he was doing and decided it was fine. A few moments later I hear, "CRAP! I cut myself!" Oh, it was ugly. His left index finger was wide open and wouldn't stop bleeding. I drove with my hazard lights on and sped ten miles over the speed limit...safely, I might add.
Thank God hospital is five minutes away. We were in and out of Emergency in one hour. It's true. One full hour. Five stitches and a few "Owwwwws" and two "Jesus Christ!!!" He's only nine and normally the JC would have never crossed his mind. I let it slide. I mean, really. How horrible is it to have a needle stuck right where it hurts and to be told that it'll make the pain go away? It's downright awful. Ontop of that, little guy has a high tolerance for pain and it still hurt to get sewed up.
I didn't care much for the bandage dude. He had an attitude and didn't smile once and seemed agitated. Maybe he was pulling a 24-hour day. Anyway, TB is okay but the pain medication wore off and now it really bothers him. Gave him two Bayer aspirin.
I've never seen so much blood.
Okay, now this may gross you out but the floors were cleaned up when we got home. I left Jack White, the dog, in the house. We asked the doc if that was okay for the dog. Ah, the things you think about when you're seeing your baby in pain. I hated it but he was a real trouper. I was a great Lamaze coach. Hey, the method works for other reasons!
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Subject: Compliments of Murph!
Time: 8:35:38 PM PDT
Author: moongirl9
I don't care how old you are, this is hilarious! Oh, and make that appointment for your mammo....you know who you are!
Mammogram Poem
For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram.
"O.K," I said, "let's do it."
"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vise!
My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's vise-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!
"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.
"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.
It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet she's never had this done,
To her tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steamrolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"
This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how they come out.
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Subject: This week's random lightbulb moments
Time: 8:24:45 PM PDT
Author: moongirl9
__1872.jpg "http://www.oceansbridge.com/oil-paintings/product.php?xProd=40893&xSec=2631&xCmd=gallery")
Homer Winslow 1872
One can truly watch grass grow....for too long....
"Juneuary" is a good excuse for rotting flowers....I have no good reason for letting the thorns run through my garden...
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Time: 8:41:35 AM PDT
Author: moongirl9
I found a gorgeous antique Victorian lamp at the beach over the weekend and I must share!
This isn't the actual lamp but it is very close. There are beads instead of fringe and the colors are gold, black and burgundy. I will post the real deal when I get a chance. Also, this appears to be a reproduction and my lamp is definitely not!
I bought it from an older lady who owns a shop in town and when I asked how much for the lamp, she said, "Eight nine dollars."
"Eighty nine dollars?" I asked.
"Yeah, is that too much?"
Oh my Lord. No. I took a couple of pictures of it, went back to the beach house and bought it the next day. It's got a few problems. A few beads are missing but adds character...no big deal. The base is unstable...fixable. Needs to be rewired. No problem!
I have always wanted this kind of beauty in my home for years.
The guys say it's a girly lamp and I say....it's beautiful. And they agree.
However, I almost had a heart attack when one of them grabbed the shade and put it on his head pretending to be Napolean. Dumb boys.
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Subject: Lightbulb #1
Time: 11:30:43 PM PDT
Author: moongirl9
I had two lightbulb moments today. I will share just one to start things off. Send your own "lightbulb moments" to me and I will post them anonymously for you. If you are a brave one, leave a comment anyway.
Lightbulb moment for the day.....
Doctors mean wellbut they can't help if you're doing a half-ass job.....
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