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11:05:00 PM EDT
Feeling Thoughtful
The big 5-0
I know its been quite a while...lots going on, yet its just part of life. Let's see, my last entry was on Mother's Day...dang!
On 5/18 we celebrated 6 years of marriage! On 5/17, we started our drive to Yellowstone National Park from Tucson, AZ. The first day was a 14 hour drive to Provo, UT, where we spent the first night. It was a long drive, and because neither of us had been up that way before, we took a less traveled road, that took us through a bunch of little towns where the speed limit would drop to 35, sometimes 25...but, it gives a sense of how people live rurally, and lots of opportunities for potty stops! We would also gas up every chance we'd get. The most expensive gas was in Mt. Carmel Junction in UT on the return trip at $3.99. The median price was $3.79 or so. On Sunday morning, we were off again headed for Jackson, WY. The hotel there was nice, jacuzzi, internet access, fireplace. We only used the internet, knowing we wouldn't have access once we got to Yellowstone. We had a nice dinner at a steakhouse right next to the hotel to celebrate our anniversary, and we were able to walk back to our hotel for a good night's rest.
Once we arrived at Yellowstone, driving through the Grand Tetons (do you know that is french for big breasts), where the views were spectacular! Here it was mid-may and there was so much snow on the mountains, though I think there is probably snow on the caps all the time. There was at least 3 feet of snow in some places, and other places it had already melted, and you could see the ground. The week at Yellowstone was amazing, and the weather turned kinda bad on our third day there, when 4 inches of snow fell. It was so cold! We were prepared in as much as 2 desert rats could be prepared. I didn't have ear muffs or anything to cover my ears, and no scarves! We stayed at Old Faithful Lodge, in a TINY cabin...I mean itty, bitty tiny, a double bed (Glen is 6'4"), one nightstand, 1 lamp, 1 light over the sink, a table and chair. No radio, no internet access, and no TV...no where at the Lodge, Inn or Snow Lodge (cluster of hotels near eachother). We did get to see Old Faithful erupt numerous times, and we were able to walk the boardwalk around the property where many of the geysers are. There is a certain aroma that permeates the air, but you get used to it. Very interesting. I'd post pics but AOL takes forever to load them, so I may in the next couple of days...a few at least.
Enter June. I knew the day was coming. I knew it would arrive no matter what. I also knew this one would be a tough one. My 50th birthday. When I hit 40, my life started anew. I got out of an abusive, controlling marriage, and I felt wings for the very first time, EVER! For 10 years, I've re-shaped my life. I met a wonderful man who is everything I could possibly have wanted in a mate, and even more than I could have dreamed of. I've had 6 grandkinds added to my family. I ended a career with one company, only to begin a new one, with an equally prominent company, earning just as much, meaning I didn't have to start at the bottom. I've taken care of myself, and with the exception of a few blips in my health (recent meds), I feel pretty good. So why, then, when 6/20 rolled around, did I feel so inferior, less than, inadequate, useless, a failure?? It was an emotional day for me, and even now, just thinking about it, makes me tear up. I don't know. What more could I ask for, hope, want? I'm sure its some childhood trauma that I don't even remember, or maybe the years and years I suffered in the hands of the ex, where he continually and continuously told me I was nothing, came from nothing and would end up nothing. Ya' know someone tells you enough that you're crap, you start believing it. Carlos called me yesterday, and he told me he was very happy for me, what I've done with my life. He said I should see the glass half full, because it is. I've done more things in the past 10 years than my whole life before that combined. "Mom, who'd have thought you liked to hike, travel, have someone who appreciates you...be happy because I'm happy for you. You have so much going for you." Out of the mouths of babes...Carlos is my baby...he'll be 28 years old this year, and all it took is a few words to see myself as he sees me. Chris will be 31 this year, and he says he can't believe I'm 50 because I don't look it nor do I act it. Maybe I can start believing in myself. 50 is the new 40 isn't it?? I bought a dress yesterday, tie die print...kinda hippie-ish. I like it and I don't care if no one else does. Special shout out to Lisa Jo of Damaged Goods Three...she sent me a birthday card last week, snail mail...I love getting things in the mail. Cousin Joann sent me a card every day of the week. It will take me a few days or maybe even weeks to get used to this new age, but I think I might just like it...
Talk soon...
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Don't forget Myra, 60 is the new 40 so you've got plenty of living yet to do before you get to that point. Enjoy 50. I crack 44 here in a few and I feel like if I was a horse, I might be ready for the glue factory...lol
Mik -
Happy Birthday to you Myra:) woo hoo life begins at 50 !!!!!!! thats what they tell me:) Happy 6th Anniversary sounds like you had loads of fun. Can't wait to see the pictures
Deb -
Happy birthday and anniversary. 50 is a great age, enjoy it. I've never been to Yellowstone and I've always wanted to go there. Been close many a time (Tahoe) but never went. Maybe this year. Glad to see you post again.
Jimmy -
I didn't know it was your 50th......you are so wise at 50...but i think you were always a wise soul even if you did not give yourself credit. I am so proud to call you my friend. Congrats on your wedding anniversary too!
XOOX
7/8/08 5:00 AM
xoxo