My Thoughts

Surprise!!

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 02:33:35 GMT

We were invited to a birthday party last Saturday, my cousin's husband, Matt, was turning 55. The theme of the party was the '60's! For weeks before I had been looking for something to wear, and finally settled on tie die. Heck, I was a wee child in 1960, barely potty trained, and now I was trying to find some fashion to fit the era. My mom and sisters had taken me to lunch the day after my birthday, so after that we went to 4th Avenue. Fourth Avenue in Tucson is a genre of hippie, organic, coffee shop, cigarette smoking, resale, bars, artsy crafty type stores. It was sooo hot that day, 114F, and all the stores have swamp coolers, not A/C, and when its humid, it felt like it was 150F. Trying on dresses was awful because everything was sticky, and sweaty...Isabel, Carlie and I got the same pattern of tie die dresses, different styles, and I was ok with all of us "looking the same". I even found some peace sign earrings! On Saturday, Glen and I get to the party venue, and Isabel is standing outside, smoking, with Bob and John. We walked into the hall, and everyone yelled SURPRISE!! I thought, WTF, I'm not Matt, let me move...Carlie came over to me and guided me in...the party was for me!!!!! OMG!! It was surreal, almost dreamlike...not until I walked into the middle of the dance floor, everyone started coming up to me wishing me happy birthday - I had no idea, none at all! Some pics from Saturday:

Carlie and me. There were these John Lennon-ish glasses for everyone, peace necklaces, flashing necklaces, candy bars with my picture! They really did a good job of making it feel like the 60's!

Matt, the "birthday boy". I got him such a cool card too! Oh well, he does turn 55 on 7/18 :)

Chirstopher and Anthony...

My cousin JoAnn and her husband. She looked like That Girl! Some black stockings and little go-go boots. So many people got into dressing up, and had a great time!

Alyssa...can you see the pattern on the dresses? I think they had a huge vat of color, and just threw everything in!

The band (yes, live band!) played all 60's tunes, and we danced the night away (& I don't dance!). They played lots of Beatles, Santana....oh, just classic rock n' roll!!

The truly remarkable thing is how they managed to keep it a secret for so long. I talk to my mom, sisters, kids almost every day. Even Glen knew!! Glen is the BEST secret keeper, though...hmmm, wonder what else he's keeping from me ;)

Talk soon...

The big 5-0

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 03:05:46 GMT

I know its been quite a while...lots going on, yet its just part of life. Let's see, my last entry was on Mother's Day...dang!

On 5/18 we celebrated 6 years of marriage! On 5/17, we started our drive to Yellowstone National Park from Tucson, AZ. The first day was a 14 hour drive to Provo, UT, where we spent the first night. It was a long drive, and because neither of us had been up that way before, we took a less traveled road, that took us through a bunch of little towns where the speed limit would drop to 35, sometimes 25...but, it gives a sense of how people live rurally, and lots of opportunities for potty stops! We would also gas up every chance we'd get. The most expensive gas was in Mt. Carmel Junction in UT on the return trip at $3.99. The median price was $3.79 or so. On Sunday morning, we were off again headed for Jackson, WY. The hotel there was nice, jacuzzi, internet access, fireplace. We only used the internet, knowing we wouldn't have access once we got to Yellowstone. We had a nice dinner at a steakhouse right next to the hotel to celebrate our anniversary, and we were able to walk back to our hotel for a good night's rest.

Once we arrived at Yellowstone, driving through the Grand Tetons (do you know that is french for big breasts), where the views were spectacular! Here it was mid-may and there was so much snow on the mountains, though I think there is probably snow on the caps all the time. There was at least 3 feet of snow in some places, and other places it had already melted, and you could see the ground. The week at Yellowstone was amazing, and the weather turned kinda bad on our third day there, when 4 inches of snow fell. It was so cold! We were prepared in as much as 2 desert rats could be prepared. I didn't have ear muffs or anything to cover my ears, and no scarves! We stayed at Old Faithful Lodge, in a TINY cabin...I mean itty, bitty tiny, a double bed (Glen is 6'4"), one nightstand, 1 lamp, 1 light over the sink, a table and chair. No radio, no internet access, and no TV...no where at the Lodge, Inn or Snow Lodge (cluster of hotels near eachother). We did get to see Old Faithful erupt numerous times, and we were able to walk the boardwalk around the property where many of the geysers are. There is a certain aroma that permeates the air, but you get used to it. Very interesting. I'd post pics but AOL takes forever to load them, so I may in the next couple of days...a few at least.

Enter June. I knew the day was coming. I knew it would arrive no matter what. I also knew this one would be a tough one. My 50th birthday. When I hit 40, my life started anew. I got out of an abusive, controlling marriage, and I felt wings for the very first time, EVER! For 10 years, I've re-shaped my life. I met a wonderful man who is everything I could possibly have wanted in a mate, and even more than I could have dreamed of. I've had 6 grandkinds added to my family. I ended a career with one company, only to begin a new one, with an equally prominent company, earning just as much, meaning I didn't have to start at the bottom. I've taken care of myself, and with the exception of a few blips in my health (recent meds), I feel pretty good. So why, then, when 6/20 rolled around, did I feel so inferior, less than, inadequate, useless, a failure?? It was an emotional day for me, and even now, just thinking about it, makes me tear up. I don't know. What more could I ask for, hope, want? I'm sure its some childhood trauma that I don't even remember, or maybe the years and years I suffered in the hands of the ex, where he continually and continuously told me I was nothing, came from nothing and would end up nothing. Ya' know someone tells you enough that you're crap, you start believing it. Carlos called me yesterday, and he told me he was very happy for me, what I've done with my life. He said I should see the glass half full, because it is. I've done more things in the past 10 years than my whole life before that combined. "Mom, who'd have thought you liked to hike, travel, have someone who appreciates you...be happy because I'm happy for you. You have so much going for you." Out of the mouths of babes...Carlos is my baby...he'll be 28 years old this year, and all it took is a few words to see myself as he sees me. Chris will be 31 this year, and he says he can't believe I'm 50 because I don't look it nor do I act it. Maybe I can start believing in myself. 50 is the new 40 isn't it?? I bought a dress yesterday, tie die print...kinda hippie-ish. I like it and I don't care if no one else does. Special shout out to Lisa Jo of Damaged Goods Three...she sent me a birthday card last week, snail mail...I love getting things in the mail. Cousin Joann sent me a card every day of the week. It will take me a few days or maybe even weeks to get used to this new age, but I think I might just like it...

Talk soon...

Mother's Day 2008

Sun, 11 May 2008 19:50:45 GMT

This is Sophia Arianna, born 5/10. She is about 6 hours old in this picture! I held her for a good hour before she opened her eyes. She was about a week early, and I know her mom was quite ready for her to be born. This is our 6th grandchild :) What a Mother's Day gift!

My mom and my granddaughter, mom's great granddaughter! Alyssa is 9, won't say how old mom is...hee hee!

Add yours truly, and you have 3 generations! I've always wanted to take a pic like this, but would have liked to add my son, to make it 4 generations. My mom had arthroscopic knee surgery 2 weeks ago, and she is still in a lot of pain, but the doc says she is healing on schedule. Perhaps its the vacuuming, cooking, scrubbing toilets that is holding up the process...she doesn't understand why she doesn't feel better!

Happy Mom's Day to all!

Talk soon...

Guest Editor Pick...huh?

Sat, 10 May 2008 01:56:55 GMT

First of all, congrats to Beth at Nutwood Junction on being Guest Editor this week! Beth always has something to say, whether its politics, the book she has read, is reading or has yet to read, the interesting birds that visit her every day, and the wild turkeys that hang out in her yard! Beth and her husband live on some acreage in Nutwood Junction, and has recently retired. Don't ask her if she's bored yet, because thats not a word in her vocabulary! Oh, and she's a great cook! Stop by and be hungry :)

Beth has chosen me, among others, as a Guest Editor pick!! What did you say?? Wow...I don't write as often as I would like, and while I do have so much to say, well, sometimes I do have to censor myself because of perhaps family members who may read. They'd never admit it anyway...blogging is beyond their realm of understanding!

While I read many journals, I don't always comment unless it is something that touches me. Thanks to everyone who stops by and takes a load off...if only for a minute or two.

Talk soon...

Dreamland...

Fri, 09 May 2008 13:36:39 GMT

I wake up each day with so much to say...by the end of the day, I've forgotten! I tell you, my short term memory is getting even shorter...scary, really! I've been walking at least 3 times a week, 2+ miles each outing. A couple of weeks ago we went hiking in Aravaipa Canyon, 7 hours...in the creek! Talk about a workout. As the crow flies it was maybe 6 miles round trip, but walking in the water can be hazardous, slippery rocks, sinking sand, tadpoles and other such creatures. We even saw a bat...in the daytime! That further destroys my hope of ever camping in the wild! The possibility of any such critters walking within 50 feet of me is enough to make me shiver. The good thing about walking near water is if it gets too hot, you can cool off really quick! We also saw a water turtle hovering near a rock. We walked a little way, then on our way back, it was gone! We weren't gone but maybe a few minutes. I thought turtles were slow! On the road, before the trailhead, we saw a wild turkey in the road. It would not move! Glen was right on its tail, and it ran faster and faster. From my view, I could see its head bobbing up and down. Turns out the durn thing could fly! Go figure...he must have been traumatized by a big ol' Hummer right on its behind, when all along he could have spread its wings and flown the coop :)

I attended a lecture yesterday about dreams hosted by our Spirituality department. The presenter is a shaman and has been studying dreams for 20+ years. The content of her talk was her interpretation of dreams based on her research...very important for that disclaimer. The different levels of dreaming include:

Classic Symbolic: just random thoughts, maybe situations or events of the day that the mind continues to process in our sleep.

Classic Literal: dreams that include literal in the place of symbols.

Many more in between, but the one I found fascinating is the Waking Vision/Dream: A waking vision is a very powerful image that someone can experience while they are wide awake. They are not typical but are powerful and sometimes disturbing. They nearly always carry a powerful message for the one who experiences them.

I've started keeping a dream journal, and since I've been writing, I've almost stopped remembering. Recurring dreams can contain messages, and we keep dreaming the same dream because we haven't gotten the message. I have dreams of a ship...sometimes I'm on the boat, sometimes I'm just seeing it. I asked "what could that mean?" She said, possibly, a past life, unresolved issues. It is possible to, under deep relaxation, guided imagery, to go onto the boat, and see what is there. I've had this dream for many years, not scary, but I wonder what it means.

We leave on vacation next Saturday...Yellowstone! On the return, because Monday is Memorial Day, we decided to stop in Zion and do a hike there...Angel's Landing, one of the more challenging and height defined hikes. We tried it when we were there in 2006, but we were not physically prepared. We should be ready this time! I have to say my mind is already in vacation mode!

Talk soon...

The Front Row...

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 13:23:58 GMT

I attended a staff lecture hosted by our Life Management department during one of my lunches last week. They have them every Wednesday, a different topic each time. I don't always go, even though I have it on my calendar...somehow work gets in the way! Never fails, that the message for that day, is exactly what I need to hear, whether it is for validation or something I'm going through at the time. The following is an excerpt from one of the handouts:

Life is a theatre...invite your audience carefully...not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a DISTANCE. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships/friendships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage, which ones discourage? Which ones are a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people, do they make you feel better or worse? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

You cannot change the people around, you, but you CAN change the people you choose to be around!

We did an exercise, where the facilitator described a drawing to us, and using her words, we drew what we we heard. She could not use her hands, we could not ask questions. What she said, what we heard, even though we all heard the same thing, each of our drawings was different, and was different from the "answer" drawing. The next exercise, we were able to ask questions, and she was able to use her hands. All of our drawings were the same. Isn't that how communication goes? Someone tells us something, and we hear, but it isn't usually the same. Mirroring, is the process of accurately reflecting back the content of a message from your partner...paraphrasing. A statement in your own words of how you understand what your partner just said. How many times, though, do we not ask, we just assume we understand? This is where communication breaks down, hurt and resentment sets in, and the relationship goes no where.

Knowing when to say when, with alcohol (remember that slogan?), with food, relationships, etc. Not always easy to do, but for one's own sanity, necessary.

I was feeling kind of sad yesterday morning, actually full of self pity, and that is so unlike me. It had to do with my job, and though I like what I do, the company I work for, the people, it is different from any other place I've worked. I've been there a little over a year, and I still struggle at times to embrace it. Its not like me to feel this way, so outwardly. I'm usually so "go with the flow". It was hard to shake, I even felt teary (ok, THAT is so like me!). I do believe this job, though, is where I'm supposed to be, and it is deserving of a front row seat in my theatre of life.

Talk soon...

Earth Day

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 13:49:42 GMT

In honor of Earth Day, the company I work for planted a tree. Not just any tree, but a mesquite tree, a species indigenous to our area. The ceremony began in the area where a Spirit Lodge is being constructed. There was a blessing for all, humans, nature, our work. It was 10 am, and while the sun was warm, I stood in the shade, a gentle breeze was blowing. As my eyes were closed during the opening blessing, I could hear the birds singing. When I opened my eyse, there was a red cardinal high in one of the trees, chirping a sweet melody, and we were her audience. It was a moment. One of our outdoor sports guides sang a song while drumming. It was so tender, an ode to Mother Earth. Another guide wrote a poem about the mesquite tree's roots, which are some of the deepest of any tree, speaking from the perspective of those roots. It can be very dry in the desert, so the roots go deep where there is always moisture, holds it in reserve to survive drought. It is a hardy tree, a beautiful tree. It produces pods, which can be ground into flour. We serve mesquite pancakes in our dining room, furthering our mission as a company to use the resources available to us, local products. When we were kids, we used to chew on the pods, they are quite sweet. My great aunt used the sap from the mesquite tree as a sweetener for her tea, or just pop it in her mouth and enjoy the sweetness! The hole where the tree would be planted was blessed with smoke, and each person was invited to place a handful of dirt into the hole, offering a blessing to our brother tree that he may grow full, offer us shade, and a home to the many animals it will protect and feed. A project manager from the Development side outlined how we are on the the greenest companies she has ever worked for. We replaced our golf carts with electric models. We use tons of golf carts on the 70 acre property to transport everything from linen to guests. Our guests re-use their towels and sheets 85% more than other hotel guests. We use minimal amounts of pesticides in our landscaping and because most of the xeriscape is desert plants, they are already hardy. The solar panels on our spa complex is the largest collection of solar energy on a commercial building in the state! When it came time for the grounds crew to place the tree into the ground, they covered the hole with dirt amidst an offering of more drumming and songs. It was truly an experience. I seriously had to contain myself, because my heart was touched so deeply.

On a separate note, I did a kundalini yoga class at noon. It was soooo exhilirating. Nothing like what you'd think of a yoga class. Yes, there is lots of breathing, and that is the centering, but also massaging the inner organs, tapping into and releasing energy from the body, so that one feels the fire from within. I am sore today, very sore, but a good sore. Next week, the focus will be yoga as a self defense. Can't wait!

Talk soon...

Tagged

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 13:55:10 GMT

Got this from Beth at http://journals.aol.com/luvrte66/nutwoodjunction/

The rules are:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

QUESTIONS:

1) What was I doing 10 yrs ago?

My 22 year marriage was ending. I realized (though I’d known all along) that he was a liar, a cheat, emotionally, physically abusive person. I had hoped to wait until my youngest son graduated from high school, but it didn’t work out that way. I was in a bad place, but knew there was something better than where I was.

2) What are 5 things on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):

Go to work; Get some kind of exercise; Spend some time with my husband; Read a bit; Call my mom to see how she's feeling

3) Snacks I enjoy:

I don’t snack a lot, but I LOVE nachos; cashews; bananas; yogurt; oatmeal raisin cookies

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

Buy each of my kids a house; set up the grandkids for a college education; pay off our bills, my parents bills, mine and Glen’s siblings bills; give to charity; travel…hey, its billions!

5) Five of my bad habits:

Take things personal; grind my teeth; bad posture; procrastinate; obsess

6) 5 places I have lived:

<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Tucson, AZ - that’s it!

7) 5 jobs I have had:

Office manager at a cemetery; office receptionist at recycling plant; office receptionist at an electrical motor repair shop; executive assistant to the GM of AOL in AZ; executive assistant at a resort

I tag:

Marty

Phil

Suzy

Mark

Mik

Talk soon...

YAY!!

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 03:08:01 GMT

I went back to the doctor for the results of my last blood test (glucose), and to have my toe re-checked. As it turns out, I do not have to be on meds yet for the diabetes...although my numbers are right on the border. He feels that watching my diet, ramp up the exercise, and do what I'm doing, only better, I should be ok, for now at least. I did lose 4 lbs in a week though...from the worry in part, but I've really been watching what I eat. Hardly any sugar at all, healthy carbs, and plenty of fruits and veggies. Alisha and I walked today, 2.5 miles, and we are planning to walk at least 2-3 times a week. My blood pressure was a bit high, and it has been the last 3 times I've seen him so he prescribed a HBP med. Oy vey...

Weekend was kind of quiet. I am looking for a hammock with a stand for my porch. The weather has been so nice, I'd like to be able to relax, read, nap on the back porch. Most of the models I've seen are either very cheap looking, or very expensive in price, so I'll keep on looking.

We go on vacation in mid-May for our 6th anniversary to Yellowstone Park. We are sooooo looking forward to getting away. We used to get away about every 3 months or so, for at least a weekend trip, but since I've started this new job, I didn't have any vacation time, and even now, its limited. It is so important to recharge and refresh. Both of us have been feeling quite bogged down, and just plain tired.

Talk soon...

One month later...

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 22:08:02 GMT

Has it been a month? Yeah, I guess it has! So much has been going on, each day just meshes into the next, and before I know it a week, the month has passed. There are some things going on that I can't really post about, suffice it to say that its family related, and has cut me to the core, a pain so great that it defies words. 'Nuf said about that.

Work has been quite busy, end of the first quarter and all that comes with that. One of my managers has been traveling quite extensively, the year end audit, investor relations...my yearly review has been put on the back burner. It was due January 15! Oh well, the good thing is it will be retroactive...although I don't want to wait another year!

My dad has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. We met with his urologist last Wednesday, and listened to the options. It is in the very early stages, and the doc doesn't seem to think it is very agressive, so dad is eligible for the "wait & see" protocol. He is re-tested every 3-6 months, then biopsied after one year. Should anything change during that year, then he would have to consider the other options, surgery, radiation, radioactive seeds. Once you start the more invasive procedures, there are so many side effects, and other possibles, that it boggles the mind. This is my dad!! He is going to do nothing for now. I kinda thought that is the route he would take.

My mom's other knee is bothering her. She had knee replacement a couple of years ago, and now its the other one. She has been using a cane for a couple of days now, and yesterday she was using a walker, so I know she is in pain. She doesn't stop, though. I was there on Friday night, and she was putting away laundry! My sister and brother live there...hmmm, whats wrong with this picture. She was putting away their laundry! My sis says she doesn't listen...

I went to the doctor on Tuesday to have an ingrown toenail removed...ouch! This is the second time, same nail, and I was surprised at what was removed. It had roots! He cauterized the base so it wouldn't grow back...just in time for sandal weather...not! I also had some blood tests done mid-March for cholesterol, glucose levels, thyroid, and bone density. Dang, I feel old :) Thyroid came back ok. Cholesterol came back very high...heart disease high. So he gave me Crestor. I was supposed to take Lipitor a few years back, but I was determined not to be on meds for this. I changed my diet, and lowered it to a tolerable level. Last year, during the health fair at work, my cholesterol tested at 237, so I decided to have my own doc re-test. It is 277 now, so Crestor it is. Then...I have diabetes. Not borderline, not change your diet and let's re-test...no, full fledged diabetes. The doc my blood re-tested, and the results from that will determine the course of treatment. I am so bummed. I don't even think it has sunk in. I mean, I know, but I can't believe it! I hadn't been feeling well for a while, and if I wasn't eating every 3 hours or so, I would start shaking, and feeling light headed, so I'd eat, then I'd be ok for a couple of hours again. Very thirsty, and a big ol' pee-head! Constantly! I work out, eat a very low fat diet, have a fair amount of fruits and veggies, whole grain bread, I've cut out sugar from my coffee, no soda, I don't drink alcohol...so what am I doing wrong?!!?

I don't have the results from my bone density test back yet...osteoporosis...thats all I need. I feel like I'm on the down side of "over the hill"...I'm on the ender end of my life. I don't even want to ask "what else can happen?" I'm not ready for that answer.

Talk soon...