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10:48:00 AM EST
where to start???? part 1
I think it has been a week since I updated....where to start?
Let's start back at New Year's Eve...
She who thinks she is an adult wanted to go with her icky boyfriend J to a party at his church. I just knew it would not be a good idea but someone else in the house said it was ok.....
She who thinks she is an adult was given a 12:30 curfew and had money to take a taxi if J's uncle was not able to get her home on time. She who thinks she is an adult knew that and so did J.
12:28 the phone rings and She who thinks she is an adult says they are running late because J's unlce is not ready. I tell her that she has taxi money. she says she will be home in 20 minutes.
35 minutes later, she arrives and J walks her to the door.
J: Don't be mad, she ok, she always ok with me, she safe
Me: She had a curfew and she missed it. She had taxi money and you both knew it.
J: It no safe in taxi with ring.
I look and see a large cheap looking ring on her ring finger.
Me: if it was not safe for her to wear a ring inthe taxi, she should have taken it off before she got in taxi.
J: she ok she safe with me.
Me: if she is allowed to go out with you again, she will be home on time, or she willn ot be allowed to go out with you again....because I need sleep.
J: she ok, she safe, no worry
Me: just go home J, I need to sleep.
She who thinks she is an adult: like hte ring J gave me?
Nest day in the afternoon.
She ( I am going to abbreviate here) : Mom, how long does it take to look pregnant?
Me: It depends on the person
She: Do people like me need to talk to DR if they are on meds and might be pregnant?
Me: When did you have sex?
She: who told you? who told you?
Me: was it unprotected sex?
She: huh?
So, I went over the whole safe sex thing with her...how there are illnesses out there spread through sex that can kill you or make you very ill. I also told her that she "should" not get pregnant because the meds will damage the baby. She "s hould " not get pregnant because she cannot go off her meds and if the baby was to be kept, she would need to go off the meds and that is just not an option. I also told her she needs to go to a DR, and get on birth control. ( besides the fact her IQ is low and I don't think she is capable of caring for herself while pregnant or caring for a baby. and I know kids are haivng sex...but it goes against what I believe and she really isnot smart enough to deal with alll that sex entails)
She: will the DR want to look down there?
Me: it is very omportant for all sexually active girls to be checked out by a DR and they do look down there.
She: No one is doing that....
Me: well if you are pregnant, they will have to do that .
She: well get me a test tomorrow.
Me: when did you actually have sex
She: Momnday night and that is it
Me: then it is too early to test.
She: why?
So, I try to explain why it is too early to test and that it wills say she isn't pregnant
Wednesday, She comes home from work all upset....J has told people at work that he is worred she is pregnant and now everyone knows....
She: he told everyone and now they say I am a slut.
Me: sorry Nicole ....
Later that evening David's Bridal calls to set up her appointment for finding her gown. she wants us to give h er a ride on Saturday, we tell her we are busy and not able to do that.
Thursday:
Ernie and I go out to lunch to talk. We both decide that we have to be on the same page with this whole mess. We both agree she is too young and not ready tomarry and if she insists she is, then she needs to figure out how to get herself to David's Bridal and anywhere else she wants to go that is wedding related. We both agree, no more going to J's house or anywhere alone. we decided we would talk to after dinner when I got home from my Scout meeting.
She comes home and starts asking when I can take her wedding shopping. I call Ernie into the kitchen so we can talk with her. WE tell her we do not feel she is ready to get married and if she feels she is adult enough to marry, she needs to show us by taking care of all thew edding preparations herself.
Ernie leaves to go teach Chess. I continue cooking, her favorite meal , BTW.
She: You said I can't get married but I can, I am an adult.
Me: WE never said you couldn't, we said you are not ready and that you shouldn't.
She: and you don't want me to have a baby and you say I can't but I can.
Me: you are right, I don;t want you to have a baby, yo are too young... I never said you can't but that you shouldn't
She: well, I am an adult and I can do those things. I will get married and live somewhere else.
about 20 minutes later, she calls me to her room, she cannot get her closet open.
Me: When you move out , this is something you will need to take care of yourself. FIx it yourself
She: I can't fix i, I would call you
Me: oh, sorry, once you are married, you and J will have to care for these things.
She: you hate me, you hate me
I still do not know if her door is fixed....
and to answer , yes he is slow...and I don't always understand him...and She doesn't either...they make a great pair @@)
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ohmy goodness what a start to the new year!!!!!!!
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well sounds to me like your giving her life's realities and better from you than possibly learning them the hard way. What about possibly taking her if there is one in the area, a shelter possibly with young girls like herself in this position. Maybe if she could talk with these girls she may think about it differently. Just a suggestion.
nancy -
Oh my! I pray that she's not pregnant! You and I need to meet and get out for a few drinks!
Missie -
Oh my....she is so not ready....
I don't know the whole deal, but I am assuming that "J" is a little slow...forgive me if I am wrong, just dont know his background.
Bless your heart, you have a lot on your hands.
hugs,
Kathi
1/5/08 3:45 PM
Shermeen xx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/she