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12:55:00 PM EDT
Feeling Sad
Hearing Taking You Home/ Don Henley
The bottom line
I don't know where to begin, my heart just sinks thinking about it again. Yesterday started off well, despite having worked until midnight the night prior and then getting back up at 7am to be there an hour later for yet another eight hour shift. It was Father's Day, I had already called mine and everything was as good as it was going to be. I still hurt from the events of last week but there was a smile on my face and laughter in my voice because I work in retail and that's what they expect of you. Gradually, if you smile long enough and laugh hard enough, you begin to actually think that things will be alright. And they were until I stopped really looking at people and just focused on the business of selling. Yes, we were having a good time preparing for a huge sale next weekend but I should not have been so blind. As is my custom to do, I smiled and asked how she was doing, even as I read the title of the book she was purchasing. On death and dying. Before she uttered a word, I finally noticed her eyes, sad and sunken from the tears she had no doubt been shedding for days now. She had lost her husband of 58 years.... 58 years, and I asked how her day was going, blindly. I felt ashamed, embarrassed and my throat felt constricted as I tried feebly to find the words to express my remorse and sorrow. One child had flown in to be with her, all the way from Chicago. I wanted to do something , anything for her. I wanted to go around the counter and hug her and tell her how sorry I was for her loss, but what would people think about one human being consoling another during such a time when they were waiting to be served. All I could do, all I did was give her my discount and express to her with my eyes, the growing softness of my voice how sorry I was and how she needed to take care of herself. Before she left, she took my hands and just squeezed with some of her remaining strength. I hated to think that this might be the last time I saw her but she seemed so lost and I fear that she will not be with us much longer herself now. I watched as she left, being helped slowly away by her daughter, then excused myself. I wept, I needed to. She reminded me of a few things. Someone always hurts more than I do and comparatively speaking, my pain is nothing. More importantly, I should never forget that while the bottom line of business is to make money, it's not my bottom line. Mine is taking care of people, being human in a world that is becoming more and more less humanistic. There are no meetings of little consequence.....
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Aww sweetie...you had no idea what had just happened to her.
I can only imagine how you felt though...
You made an impression on her though...otherwise she would
never have said what she did to you, or taken your hands.
Hugs to you!
Connie -
((((((((((((((((Souls)))))))))
))))) You probably helped her more than you think you may have. Every little bit of yourself that you give, be it a look, a returned hand squeeze, a hug, anything, makes a big difference hun. It really does. The small things do matter to some still. :o) Blessings! ~Moonie
6/23/04 10:57 PM