Thoughts of a Not-So Teenage Girl

Chad is stupid.  I'm not going to get anywhere with this.  I know this.  I know that it's completely futile to wait around for him...And I'm trying not to, which is why I'm going to see Charlie on Monday.  But for now, let's talk about Chad.

Chad is stupid.  He's...Just...Stupid.  Last night Rebecca got grounded because she was out later than her grandma thought.  Well, when she called Chad, she was crying--mainly because her grandmother had told her that she didn't trust her--which I completely understand, anyone would be upset--but Chad blamed himself.  Of course, he feels that it's his fault.  Well, firstly, that's stupid.  Obviously Rebecca has issues with her grandma, that she needs to sort out herself.  Then, Chad wants to be the big "man" or whatever, and call her grandmother and explain to her that Rebecca is completely honest and has the upmost integrity, and I'm thinking this idiot is too headstrong for his own good.  Calling her grandmother won't do anything but make the situation worse.  -Sigh-  Stupid.

I was hanging out with him last night--trying to cheer him up and take his mind off of her.  All night I laid my head on his shoulder, and it made me think of that dream I had a few weeks ago, when I was laying on his shoulder and he had his arms wrapped around me, and I just felt the safest I have ever felt--ever.  It's stupid for me to even bother to remember it, because he's not available, and won't be for some time.  But...Damnit!  He's so easy to like.

Also, my like for him is causing a rift between me and Rebecca.  I feel kind of like Anne in The Other Boleyn Girl.  If Rebecca was Mary and Chad was Henry VIII.  Every time Chad looks at Rebecca, or she steals his attention, I can just feel the fire in my eyes, like she needs to back off.  It's so hard for me to remember that he's not mine.  He's hers.  And...-Sigh-...I hate it...Because she's supposed to be my best friend, and if I'm not careful I won't be friends with her much longer.  I'm finding it harder and harder to relate to her, though.  She's awkward and quiet, and I don't do that.  On the other hand, Chad and I seem to just connect.  We just seem to get each other.  We can read each other's looks.  I mean...-Sigh-

So my friend Charlie.  I met him through Key Club, like, way back--a year and a half ago.  And I just remember that he was so much fun to talk to.  He remembers me being "cool."  And I've talked to him a couple of times the past couple of months, and so I was like, "Hey, when do you want to meet up?"  I feel kind of like my mom when she goes on these dating sites and meets guys, but then I have to remember that me and Charlie go way back.  He's pretty cute, and so funny.  I'm still not sure whether or not he's gay, but I sure hope not. 

So I didn't want to tell Chad, because I was worried that he would think that I liked Charlie, (which is true, and which I should probably lead Chad to believe, because earlier today he asked Rebecca if it was okay that he go watch a movie with me, that's how suspicious he's getting. Ah!  Another story...) and if I'm trying to get Chad to like me, I obviously don't need him thinking I have a beau.  Well, I did it anyway, because I was SO close to telling him that I thought our friendship was straining my friendship with Rebecca, and that would lead to a lot of other questions that I can't answer...  So I told him--and now he's doing exactly what I thought he would do--acting like a father-figure and not like a friend that wants to be more.  I was hopeful at first...He said, "Do you have interest in him?"  And I was like, "..."  And I was going to be like, "Why?"  I waited too late, though, and he said, "Because it sounds like you do...And it sounds like he has interest in you...But I can't say because I don't know about your past relationship."  Which is annoying.

So...Other story...Earlier tonight, Chad and I are waiting for a friend of a friend to show up so I can get him into the movies, and I was explaining to Chad that I was waiting for this guy, and he says, "So I'm not good enough to go to the movies with?  Is that how it is?"  And the way he said it was like...It was like without Rebecca there, the fact that I was laying on his shoulder last night made me his girlfriend.  -Sigh-  Which also makes me feel like Anne--a stand-in for the queen until Henry can get a divorce.  I was worried for half a second that he had forgotten that he goes out with Rebecca...Which both elated and terrified me at the same time.  I was excited that my plan seemed to be working, then I was terrified about how Rebecca would feel if she knew, and I was nervous about what would happen if it went farther--if he really did feel like I was his girlfriend when Rebecca wasn't around.  I think the terror showed through the most, though, because he gave me a half-recovery.  Like a, "Oh.  No.  I meant that..."  But if he did I can't really remember.

Anyway...It's becoming harder and harder for me not to read fanfiction, especially when my life is being so dramatic like it is.  So, p.s. Jessica, if you don't write a fanfic using this plot, I will.

Smile! : )

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