Thoughts of a Not-So Teenage Girl

This weekend at work was awful.

I came in Sat night with absolutely no intention of being a bitch.  In fact, I came in thinking, "Today is going to be a good day.  I'm not going to be in a bad mood.  I'm going to smile and be happy."  Famous last words.

I came in and Tori and Alex, the two worst employees we have, weren't doing their jobs--they weren't even behind conessions.  The ice machine wasn't working--we were so out.  The popcorn machine was overheated, so we had to start a second kettle.  (Which meant that it was going to be harder for me to find someone to clean it that night.)  Nachos hadn't been restocked, hotdogs had to be put on the grill, and EVERYONE was calling my name, "Can I be counted out?  Can I count my candy?  So-and-so isn't doing their job."

So I quickly adopted a bitchy attitude.  And it was while I was asking Beau to get me medium cups, that Miranda goes, "Uh...Shirlyn.  What's with your attitude?  You don't have a right to be a bitch.  You haven't even been here 5 seconds.  Talk to me after you've been here an hour."  Effectively making André take notice, agree, and walk away without getting my cups.  André is my bitch.  He does what I tell him to.  It also proceeded to piss me off even more.  Fuck her!  Like she has a right to tell me when I do and do not have the right to have an attitude!  It's none of her business!

So I confronted her about it later, "I want you to know that it pissed me off even more that you said something about me having an attitude.  I know when I do and do not have an attitude," and proceeded to tell her why.  "Oh," she says, "Well sorry I offended you."

"I know I overreacted, but telling me I have an attitude is not going to make it get any better any time soon."  Whatever.

Then later, Tori goes missing from concessions.  When Tori and Alex are working, I watch them, so that I can use something on them when I need them to work, like I did in this instance.  She comes back in concessions, and I'm getting popcorn, we exchange a few words, (I don't remember what we talked about,) and a customer comes up to my register, and she points at them to let me know they're there.  (As if I don't already know.)  So I put down what I'm doing, even though she's just standing there, and I help the customers.  And when I'm done, I go in the kitchen, where she's now eating with the asst. manager, and I stand there, and she goes, "Yes?"  And I said, "Whacha been up to?"  "Nothing."  "I noticed."  "What?"  "Where were you, because you weren't in conessions."  "Yes I was."  "No you weren't.  You just got back.  You've been gone for a while."  "I went for a smoke break and I came back and started eating."  "Really?  That's all?"  "Yes."  "A smoke break doesn't take 30 minutes."  "I wasn't gone for 30 minutes."  "Yes, you were.  Don't lie to me Tori, I was looking for you."  "No I wasn't.  You have an attitude problem and you need to cool down."  And Brittany, the asst. manager, is in there, and it's at that point that she goes, "Okay.  You two need to cool down."  And I'm thinking, 'WTF!?  I'm the fuckin' concessions supervisor!  She's not supposed to talk to me like that, and you're just going to let her get away with it!?  Forget you.  I'm going to Lisa about Tori when she gets back.'

Then later, I'm trying to find someone to clean the popcorn machine.  I've cooled down.  I'm trying to be nicer.  And I'm ASKING, not telling, someone to do it, and I ask Tori.  She says, "No way!  I clean it every time I close."  And I was like, "No you don't."  And she said, "Yes, I do!"  And I'm thinking, 'No, you don't, because I make a point of not asking you to do it, because I know you'll bitch about it.'  And I'm finally like, "Whatever."

Later, we're in the kitchen eating our dinners, and she goes, "Sorry."  And I'm like, "It's alright."  I said, "I only asked because Kim never cleans the pop. machine.  Amber doesn't know how, and she leaves in 2 weeks, so I'm not about to teach her.  Miranda gets off early tonight, and I have to clean it tomorrow."  So she goes, "Okay.  Well...If it's the only thing I have to do tonight."  And I'm like, "Do the popcorn machine, count your candy, and you can leave for all I care."  "Okay!"  And it was then that I realized the reason Tori's been cleaning the popcorn machine latelyis because she and I have been making deals like that.  So next time I'm going to be more than happy to pull that on her.

Tonight, I did come in pissed.  I didn't want to be, but last night made me ill.  When I'm pissed, I tend to make use of the silent treatment, and so I guess everyone knows I'm pissed when I'm not jumping up and down and yelling.  I said fewer words tonight than any other night in my whole life.  And nothing really bad happened tonight, except for when I first got there...

Miranda and I are in the kitchen snacking, and I don't know how it came up, but she said that people don't listen to me.  Which was news to me.  Everything that I ask to be done eventually gets done--odd, that one, but I thought it was because people were actually doing what I told them to.  So she goes on about my attitude, and how I don't say please and thank you, and how I say everything in a whiney voice.  And Rebecca walks in and I go, "Rebecca, why don't you think people listen to me?"  I didn't say they didn't, I just asked, and she goes, "Well, I think it's because..."  And I was like, 'WTF!  If anything, I thought SHE would be in my side.  Going, "What do you mean?"'  OMG!  And then Jeanette walks in, and I ask her the same question, and she starts on about my tone of voice, and how I don't ask nicely.  WTF!?!?!?  Is nobody in my corner?

So, obviously, I got upset.  And later Jeanette goes, "Are you mad about what we said?  We were just trying to offer constructive criticism."  And I'm like, "Not mad.  Just confused, and disappointed.  I didn't know that no one was listening to me."  And she goes, "Well, no one listens to anyone.  And I don't know where Miranda got that 'whiney' thing from," trying to placate me.  Forget her.

Forget everyone.  Why the fuck am I concessions supervisor if no one is going to listen to me?  Fuck them!  At this rate, if they thought I was a bitch before, they ought to see me next weekend!  Damn them if they think I'm going to tell them to do something, and they're not going to do it RIGHT THEN! (The only good thing that came out of Jeanette's mouth was, "You know what would really scare them?  If they gave you the ability to writepeople up."  After I said something about, "They don't think the note that Lisa posted [about the fact that people giving me a hard time would be written up] was serious.  Well, they're about to find out.")  I've been trying to be nice.  I've been working REALLY hard on my 'please's and 'thank you's.  And so it pissed me off when Miranda goes, "Wow!"  When I reflexively told Lux 'thank you' for bringing me kernels.  Bitch.  She doesn't know what I do.  She's not with me 100% of the time.  She can't judge me.

Whatever.  Whatever.  Everyone will see next month.  I've been trying to brush off this people talking about me behind my back, thing, but I've never had it pushed in my face so hard before.  I'm in charge, and they will deal, or be dealt with.

Also, tomorrow, I'm going to a theme park with my friends.  I want to have a good time, but sadly, I'm pretty sure I won't.  Whenever I go hang out with my friends, some little thing always ends up setting me off, and I end up ruining my whole night.  I just don't know when that's going to happen.  I'm not trying to sound pathetic, but it's true.  I think it's a biological part of depression that I inherited from my dad.  We'll see, though.

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