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November 2003
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Keeping the Band Happy
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Thursday, November 20, 2003
3:30:00 AM EST
Feeling Loopy
Hearing My own music
I guess I just need to say this..with the exception of Barry, we all had drug problems in this band. Barry got high, but always seemed to have a handle on it. The big problem for me was....I had the drugs.Whether I was willing to admit it, or whether the guys were willing to admit it, it often felt like there was some envy of that, a subtle, underlying resentment, because they had to ration their stuff, but I always had large quantities. And aside from my own drug problems, the main reason I always had the stuff was because it was the only reason we had been able to get where we were. It was the vehicle that was making everything possible. But it was becoming a Catch-22. I was very generous with everyone in the band and crew. Just keeping everyone "happy" was personally costing me over $1500.00 a week, and that did not include salaries, or the thousands of dollars worth of gear I was buying for everyone's benefit. Even as the financial demands on me grew, I refused to allow that to interfere with my plan or its timetable, so I just increased the amount of business I did...but it was getting exhausting. I had to generate well over $2500.00 per week, every week, just to keep that band going...and that was in 1978 dollars. On top of those stresses, I still was writing, rehearsing, picking up new gear, checking out studios, and forming my own publishing company and record label...Crystal Magic Music, and Golden Sun Records. I also had to play the role of peacekeeper and cheerleader, as well as trying to keep myself safe from legal consequences...and I was juggling the women in my life, too. I have learned in my recovery from addiction...that drugs, which at first had seemed like the solution to the stresses I was coping with, or the vehicle I had found to fund the things I was attempting in my life...in the end, actually became the problem. Most of the guys would take at least a portion of their salaries in drugs, which made it easier for me to pay them, but fueled some erratic behavior in all of us...By them doing that, it was also easier for me to continue spending more of the money that was coming in from my business on the gear and recording...and although I can't see how we could have done this thing any other way...I can also now see that there was a very real toll that the drugs started taking on all of us...
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3:30:00 AM EST
Feeling Loopy
Hearing My own music
Keeping the Band Happy
I guess I just need to say this..with the exception of Barry, we all had drug problems in this band. Barry got high, but always seemed to have a handle on it. The big problem for me was....I had the drugs.Whether I was willing to admit it, or whether the guys were willing to admit it, it often felt like there was some envy of that, a subtle, underlying resentment, because they had to ration their stuff, but I always had large quantities. And aside from my own drug problems, the main reason I always had the stuff was because it was the only reason we had been able to get where we were. It was the vehicle that was making everything possible. But it was becoming a Catch-22. I was very generous with everyone in the band and crew. Just keeping everyone "happy" was personally costing me over $1500.00 a week, and that did not include salaries, or the thousands of dollars worth of gear I was buying for everyone's benefit. Even as the financial demands on me grew, I refused to allow that to interfere with my plan or its timetable, so I just increased the amount of business I did...but it was getting exhausting. I had to generate well over $2500.00 per week, every week, just to keep that band going...and that was in 1978 dollars. On top of those stresses, I still was writing, rehearsing, picking up new gear, checking out studios, and forming my own publishing company and record label...Crystal Magic Music, and Golden Sun Records. I also had to play the role of peacekeeper and cheerleader, as well as trying to keep myself safe from legal consequences...and I was juggling the women in my life, too. I have learned in my recovery from addiction...that drugs, which at first had seemed like the solution to the stresses I was coping with, or the vehicle I had found to fund the things I was attempting in my life...in the end, actually became the problem. Most of the guys would take at least a portion of their salaries in drugs, which made it easier for me to pay them, but fueled some erratic behavior in all of us...By them doing that, it was also easier for me to continue spending more of the money that was coming in from my business on the gear and recording...and although I can't see how we could have done this thing any other way...I can also now see that there was a very real toll that the drugs started taking on all of us...
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