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November 2003
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Making the Choice
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Monday, November 24, 2003
12:21:00 AM EST
Feeling Worried
Hearing My own music
With Avalanche's first gig just around the corner, the last thing I needed in my life was more stress. But whether I needed it or not...it was there... because the two women in my life at that moment, were in a tug of war for my time and my attention. It was a real problem for me. Although I didn't take my sexual relationship with Annie lightly, I had talked with her on several occasions about her expectations, her feelings, and whether our relationship was an exclusive one. I was comfortable with the belief that she was honest with me when she told me that she saw other men, and that our weekends together were a combination of business, friendship, partying, and the fact that we both enjoyed each other sexually. Annie had spent a lot of time in Conn. working with her bands at the club, but she had also spent a lot of time and energy with me and my band, and I knew she had a lot at stake with me, personally...and professionally, as an agent. It was almost as if we were business partners as much as sexual partners. Patti, on the other hand, I was very infatuated with...she was in many ways like a fantasy in my life, and although we had very little in common other than sex and partying...I had gotten very uncomfortable when I thought about losing her. Now I was faced with this almost impossible dilemma, on the eve of the most important day of my life. I knew both of these women were going to be at the concert. And I wanted to make sure that neither felt slighted. I wrestled with my options for a few days. In the end there was only one choice that made sense to me...the whole day was about the band's future...and Annie was the one that could make a lot of things happen for the band, if she liked what she saw and heard that day. So in the end, there really was no choice for me. Annie would be with me anytime she felt like she needed to be. She knew dozens of other people who would also be at the show, and I knew I'd have some free time to spend with Patti, too...but on this day, Annie would have to come first...because the band had to come first. But I made the decision to make both women aware of the fact that the other would be there, and I might not be able to give either one of them my undivided attention. That was the best I could do...and I hoped it would be good enough.
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12:21:00 AM EST
Feeling Worried
Hearing My own music
Making the Choice
With Avalanche's first gig just around the corner, the last thing I needed in my life was more stress. But whether I needed it or not...it was there... because the two women in my life at that moment, were in a tug of war for my time and my attention. It was a real problem for me. Although I didn't take my sexual relationship with Annie lightly, I had talked with her on several occasions about her expectations, her feelings, and whether our relationship was an exclusive one. I was comfortable with the belief that she was honest with me when she told me that she saw other men, and that our weekends together were a combination of business, friendship, partying, and the fact that we both enjoyed each other sexually. Annie had spent a lot of time in Conn. working with her bands at the club, but she had also spent a lot of time and energy with me and my band, and I knew she had a lot at stake with me, personally...and professionally, as an agent. It was almost as if we were business partners as much as sexual partners. Patti, on the other hand, I was very infatuated with...she was in many ways like a fantasy in my life, and although we had very little in common other than sex and partying...I had gotten very uncomfortable when I thought about losing her. Now I was faced with this almost impossible dilemma, on the eve of the most important day of my life. I knew both of these women were going to be at the concert. And I wanted to make sure that neither felt slighted. I wrestled with my options for a few days. In the end there was only one choice that made sense to me...the whole day was about the band's future...and Annie was the one that could make a lot of things happen for the band, if she liked what she saw and heard that day. So in the end, there really was no choice for me. Annie would be with me anytime she felt like she needed to be. She knew dozens of other people who would also be at the show, and I knew I'd have some free time to spend with Patti, too...but on this day, Annie would have to come first...because the band had to come first. But I made the decision to make both women aware of the fact that the other would be there, and I might not be able to give either one of them my undivided attention. That was the best I could do...and I hoped it would be good enough.
Written by navlanch Blog about this entry |
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