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American Idol: Final Report
All right, so I know I said I was on "hiatus," but I lied. How could I possibly resist the urge to post something about Wednesday night's finale of 'American Idol'?
If you're a reality TV buff like me, and with the deluge of reality shows on the market today, it's getting more and more difficult to pick the right ones to watch. Say what you want, but 'American Idol' is the Iron Horse of reality television, never disappointing or short on unintentional comedy.
Some Quick Slants ® from the finale...
-- The producers of the show tried waaaay too hard to make light of the recent allegations made against Paula Abdul, this time using a cheesy skit emcee'd by Steve Edwards. This uncovers a deeper issue; 'Idol' has grown notorious for injected these sketch skits into its broadcasts after reaching the round of five. Basically, they're too annoying, long-winded, and unfunny to be considered amusing, kind of like Ryan Seacrest. Nonetheless, they continue.
-- Carrie Underwood officially qualifies as "That Hot Girl Who Most Guys Think They Could Have A Chance With," kind of like Jennifer Aniston before she became skinny as a rail (according to Bill Simmons). Factor in the reprehensible thought that there are probably millions of self-righteous men voting in this competition, and it's easy to understand why Carrie was crowned.
-- With the emergence of Bo Bice as a national celebrity, I feel it's fair to ask where he ranks among the great Bo/Beau's of the past 30 years. Generally, any name that is (a) only 2 syllables and; (b) eerily similar to a made-up alias deserves a great deal of credit. Off the top of my head, my top 5 goes something like this: (1) Bo Bice; (2) Beau Bridges; (3) Bo Jackson; (4) Bo Scaife; (5) Bo Derek. I've gotta be forgetting someone...
-- In arguably the most improbable (and funniest) television moment in history, a former contestant -- Dirk -- was greeted by his personal idol: David Hasselhoff! For the record, Dirk also used a Hasselhoff score as his audition lyric. I was-- and still am -- completely speechless. This clearly ranked in the 90th percentile of Bill Simmons' Unintentional Comedy Index.
-- Thing #602 I could do without: ex-Idols coming back and performing
-- Kenny G AND Babyface in the same set? Astounding.
-- Am I the only one who thinks Seacrest hired a
hitman to take out Brian Dunkelman, his embattled co-host during the first
season? Would anyone really be surprised if he turned up 10-feet below Giants'
Stadium? Has he been seen since season 1?
-- If "everyone is a winner," Paula, maybe the Special Olympics are more your cup of tea?
-- When the field was whittled down to
12, I predicted that Bo would be the last man standing. (I have
witnesses.) I don't disagree with the selection of Carrie, but I
wish I would've known in advance before I shot my mouth off and
predicted to all my friends that I got it right. (Did you ever
notice that whenever you get exceedingly lucky with a prediction, that
the urge to proclaim your prophecy is far greater than the logic that
went into it?)
-- Though he wore a jacket over his shirt tonight,
I'm debating how long before Simon Cowell goes shirtless with a GoldenPalace.com
advertisement on his back and a Nair logo on each pect...
-- And finally, let's rank the top 10
Idols in order of popularity and overall success (taking into account
the first 4 seasons)...
(1) Kelly Clarkson -- A bunch of big hits on the charts now. Simply, a no-brainer
(2) Clay Aiken -- Hell of a voice. Some hit singles. First male to resemble a lesbian since Barry Manilow
(3) William Hung -- The man, the myth,
the legend. Knew exactly what he was doing by making a donkey of
himself on national television. Would've been crowned the 2004
American Idol if not nixed by the preliminary judging
(4) Carrie Underwood -- Quite frankly,
you have to put her here at this point in time since she'll be featured
on CMT for approximately the next 161 hours
(5) Kimberly Locke -- One hit
wonder...errr...Eighth World Wonder... whatever. Made more
money than most of these dolts.
(6) Corey Clarke -- Working on a book
deal and his first record that nobody will buy. Accused Paula of
wrongdoing. Accused Seacrest and Simon of being gay. On
behalf of mainstream America: Thank You!
(7) Diana DiGarmo -- Has Kwame
Brown-like potential, but needs a few years to grow into her
frame. Actually saw her record at a local music store.
(8) Bo Bice -- File him under the "Anyone better than Fantasia" category. Will probably make it big.
(9) Fantasia Barrino -- Bad voice. Fluke Idol. Hasn't put out a good song yet.
(10) Ruben Studdard -- Other than "Sorry
2004," I can honestly say that I have no idea what happened to Ruben
after beating out Clay. The big man has effectively taken a swan
dive from grace.
That's it for now, I'll be around...
ndisdabest at 11:15:00 PM EDT Blog about this entry |
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