Norms views 2

What? Yes, what in the world are you doing? This was a question I was asked recently but needed to really think this one over. Well I am in China for one thing and enjoy doing what I do. What do you like about this country. What do you think of being so far from home and what does your students think of you.

I really like China as it is growing and developing and being part of a developing land is wonderful. Teaching students how to speak a language is really a big job it is. I like the safety of the streets and no one bothers you although I do get many stares at some places plus I get people coming up and saying hello to practice their ability to speak.

I do not care about home as my siblings hate me plus the fact that I have no one in te states to help look after me. No wrong really, I have a great friend in Iowa who has been a great friend for 20 years. We went to college together and she went her way becoming a housewife and mother to 4 kids. I went my way and came to China. We talk and email which is very great. Happier here really. My students love me and love them as well.

What makes me stay here is simply that I love it and find there are no real job opportunities and kind of love where I am.

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Friends are here and there. When growing up had few since my family was considered odd and we lived on the other side of the tracks. Not many people did care nor did a few give any serious considerations in doing such. To me it was just plain hell but was determine to survive and to my best in all that I undertook.

I had no friends really in high school. Many of my peers were more ignorant than anything else but decided well this is how life will be and willing to be a friend really to anyone who wanted me. I enjoyed what I could and do my best with those who were my friends. I am informed or was told as well that if you find the right person to live with and enjoy life was more like well hey you are joking. My exwife now was more of an enemy than I thought and at times was also wondering just what the hell am I doing in this relationship but tried to stick it out but failed to do so.

At the university met a great person who until this day still remains my only true friend. She has married creating a small family and still we are friends and email several times a week. I still want to say well she was a better friend to me than anyone in my entire family. Will really treasure her friendship for my life or until I no longer can walk, breathe or whatever else there is but do know she is there. I suspect those who are reading this might want to be my friend. Great is my answer and will be here for you if you so desire.

My best friend at one time was my dog. She was always there to be by my side and eager for a hug or a nice walk to do what she had to do. Never argued with me and was happy to see me. I loved her very much. Yes, a dog can be your best friend and will never let you down nr will reveal any secrets you may it. So who is your best friend?

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Life has a way of making us either happy or upset but everything in between. Life for me has been in  a wide range and still have so much to think about while trying to go forth and put things in a more different life. Life is well strange.

Life began when we were conceived i believe and we are alive and kickin in the cramped space. After a certain amount of time we come into this cold and unforgiving universe not knowing what will happen but in time we do realize what life is really like. I think as we grow we become more aware of what life is and how do we respond to it. Life is wonderful but for me life has been well miserable to a more happier state of mind.

I take life as like a spinning wheel and it keeps spinning around. Life will in the end be over and we do not know what will take place after we depart but who will care. Life here is wonderful if one can put up with so much pollution, noise and hordes of denizens crowding around to all. So life does do something wonderful. Guess it all depends how you look at it. But life does go on and what we do is a matter of how we feel and how we can react to the situation at hand. I look at life at the moment as well I can breathe and walk around but after this well no one does care really. I feel bad that life has not been more enjoyable but thenmaybe it is just me. I do not know.

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Maybe I will but maybe I will not. Maybe it will be nice and maybe it will be extremely terible. I just do not know and maybe life will be better but who does care. Maybe in time I will do more caring but at this time there is little to really care about.

Maybe is what my students tell me and smile as they discuss things which are important to them. I just do not really know or can understand.

I do have good days and bad days like all other people but just maybe things will change buit then who knows what will take place. Then one person asks a question but then answer with maybe. Maybe my ship will come in and yet I have been waiting for a long time with nothing coming in. It seems that the ship sunk with no one showing any caring.

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Great! Yes it is great that it is Wednesday. Do not really like this day as most of the classes are boring with some students really being outright bad. It is good that my last class they really are more active. Do talk more and of course are a bit older. My classes on Friday are all senior high who will graduate in June and do talk more. A few are truely wonderful.

I do feel good and feel that well life is better each day. My contract here will end in November and have a new school lined up not far from where i am at this time. It is a university which is more nicer and of course the students do want to learn.

I am happier of course and well it is great. Great is what I want and hope for.

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Wondering is part of my life it seems and wonder why I did it or why I did not. Then again woder if things were really good or if they are meantto be bad but in ithe process wonder who in the hell reads these journals and seems that so far no one reads mine.

I wonder hy things happen and to what extent are they meant to happen. Is it fair or not fair and unjust to just but then what happens in the meantime. I wonder who the hell is really caring and wonder why in the hell my family is so cruel to me that it makes me cry. yes, I do cry and found that no one does care if I do so what the hell.

So if you read this please be happy and wonder who I am and what I am as if i am then maybe I am not who I am. Ok then who are you and what are you and who do you think is there wondering about what the heck you are doing.

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Death

There are several things in life which we might be aware of to some extent. First, we are born but who remembers this. We are infants entering this crazing world of the unknowns and yet whenever we need something we let out a great yell of tears and cries and then some how in a fixed manner we are given good care and then seem to be happy. True.

Second, taxes are a main stay of any human being anywhere in the world and the tax man gets us all through life even after we kick the bucket he has his greedy hands out looking for his fair share. Sorry uncle sam no money for you. You can screw me with taxes if I do not live there even though I am an American living in a distant land. So what else do I complain about on this issue. Nothing really but then Taxes are the death of anyoe who has to pay them. I do pay taxes yes, indeed to the government where i am living at this time. I do not mind since I am living here and find it more enjoyable than where I did once reside.

Third, well death. It comes without warning and we never know when it will come or how  it will take us. We have no choice in the manner or have any say about it. Everyone must face this from infants to old timers and it does happen. I am not afraid of dying nor do I really care but please make no big deal out of it. Several years ago actually 10 years to be extact while working in Taipei as an English teacher at a Catholic high school for girls a sweet student died. I was by her side and it really moved me. Let me explain.

I left school at noon since I only worked there in themornings. I did 3 classes each morning Monday to Friday. I did have an afternoon school I worked at as well and did some night classes too. It was Oct 17 1997 and at 4 pm the high school let out so the young girls can go home or to work maybe to other language schools. One of my students who was in grade 10 was always in a happy state of mind rushing around or having fun like any normal teenager. She and I had a great understanding and she truely adored me tremendously. The same for me although I have to admit I like many students.

Our school was on a side street so when the school lets out 2500 girls head out to the main street and cathc buses or walk several blocks to get te subway. This girl ran across the street to catch a bus but instead she did not look more carefully and was hit by a bus. She was thrown several feet and was severly injured. The hospital wa sclose by and she was rushed there and put into intensive care. As she was lying there all she did was cry Norm Norm. One of the nuns who spoke English called me in a frentic state telling me what took place and where she was at. I canceled my night classes demanding this and told them it was an extreme emergency that I have this time to be there.

I went to the hospital where a group of her friends were all crying or sitting down looking very scared and not knowing what in the hell to do or what will happen. I saw this nun and she had me put on a gown and wa taken where she was. She looked very bad indeed but I could her her calling my name. For soe strange reason this is all she did. Her mom was there while waiting for her dad to come. A chair was put by her side of the bed. I took her frail hand and put it into mine and spoke to her softly. I just was there. After a few hours I realized that she was dying and she wanted me to be there.

She did pass away later in the early morning hours. I was of course deeply sad but  wel knew this is life and death. I think she knew I was there and found peace that I cared.

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Sunday is well a day of hope and a day for well who knows what but the time flies by so fast it is hard to realize the day is about over. I am not overly religious and think that well why go to church. Here there is no religion as I am in China and love it more than living in the USA.

Sunday though a day for doing what you want to do but just do not know what and well who knows what. ike shopping but the stores are so crowded it is hard at times to really shop. Here the water must be really bad as many women are developing a nice fat stomach indicating a baby is being developed. I can count at least 100 today and then well maybe that many babies being held. So well babies are here.

Me well it is now time to express just how I do feel but then how feelings are may not really be good. I just do not know what to make of things. At times I feel depressed and then at times I feel well like walking on a cloud. My best times are when the students really try and talk to me and develop some form of relationship. This is good.

Relationships are what we make them. Some people come in and say hello while others just say goodbye. Some just pass by and not know who you are and others just think that you are who you are.I like to say hello as I pass and love to have my students talk. I just like the way of how we are and what we are. Then who knows what will take place. I say hi and I say goodbye but my goodbyes might just make me cry.

So what is next and what do I do? I just do not know and hope that life continues to be great.

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Saturday and thoughts :

Great Sharon! You are doing very good. I just found your notes and think theyare wonderful. I have put a few blogs in but no one seems to be reading them. Each person has a special need and we all have the right to express how we feel.

I am an American but live in China where I teach English at an university. Been here atthis one for 4 years and love it although the city where I am is really well blahhhhh Oh wellll

Wendy's sounds good better than McD's but well who knows as all we have here is McD's as they do not llike others coming in and taking away the business.

So keep up the good work and writing it is up lifting

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Why fix it if it is not broke? Why on earth did you do this? Why did I do what I did and yet why is there so much ill feelings in this world. The next big question still remains WHY??

Why do so many peole want to hurt others and yet have no feelings at all? Why on earth do my siblings hate each other and can care less? Can you tell me? Why does my friend from college days still remaina true friend and a caring person even though we do not see each other?

I ask because I do not know and then wonder if I ask will you know? I often see little but hear less and ask why? Why am I so unhappy at times and then other times hapier than a frog?

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