The Daily Snooze

5:19:45 PM EDT
This weekend, this site goes dark after more than two years. This isn't anything new. I first mentioned doing this a year ago, then in June and in August. Now it is happening -- I and my wildflower (SWMBO) are moving on down the Internet Superhighway a piece. In addition to The Daily Snooze, Snoozelets and the rarely-used photo blog, Oldfotodog are all going "dark" on the AOL service. I'll never darken your day or doorstep from here again ...because you can find The Daily Snooze, Snoozelets and the AIM mirror, The Daily Snooze II online at the click of your mouse.

I urge you, my loyal and occasional readers, to click the links, bookmark them as new favorites and pay me a visit. It's a matter of economics and a fixed income, not a dislike of AOL or the AOL Journals community.

Ciao, bellas - see you in the new digs.

wil




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5:39:40 AM EDT

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three  people waiting for the bus:

1.  An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who  once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming  about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in  your car?

Think before you continue  reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady,  because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: "I would  give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the  lady to the hospital.  I would  stay behind and wait for  the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our  stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think  Outside of the Box."

HOWEVER ... The correct  answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of  her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of  the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.  God, I just love happy endings.

And I'm fond of ready-made entries, too!

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10:12:46 AM EDT
Feeling Silly
 It's bound to be a good day when the morning's email brings you a ready-made entry. And here I was, all cramped up from writer's block (or perhaps it is only constipation from too much steak last night...) Enjoy!

DARWIN AWARDS NEWSLETTER - 6 September 2005

--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+
The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome
by honoring those who contrive to remove themselves from it.
This honor is generally bestowed posthumously.
--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+

Darwin Award: Surprise Attack Surprise -- CONFIRMED

3 January 2005, St. Maurice, Switzerland

It was the first week of a weapons refresher course, and Swiss Army Grenadier Detachment 20/5 had just finished training with live ammo.  The shooting instructor ordered the soldiers to secure their weapons for a break.

The 24-year-old second lieutenant, in charge of this detachment,
decided this would be a good time to demonstrate a knife attack on
a soldier.  Wielding his bayonet, he leaped toward one of his men,
achieving complete surprise.

But earlier that week, the soldiers had been drilled to release the
safety catch and ready their guns for firing in the shortest possible
time.  The surprised soldier, seeing his lieutenant leaping toward him
with a knife, snapped off a shot to protect himself from the attack.

The lesson could not have been more successful: the soldier had saved himself and protected the rest of the detachment from a surprise attack.

The lieutenant might have wished to commend his soldier on his quick
action and accurate marksmanship.  Unfortunately, he had been killed with one shot.

Reference: Blick
<http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2005-03.html>

--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+

Darwin Award: Damned if You Do... -- CONFIRMED

6 September 2004, Romania

A Pitesti man with a metal ring stuck on his penis was being sought
by doctors, after he fled the hospital consumed by panic.

The unidentified 42-year-old claimed he had put the ring on his penis
after losing a bet during a drinking game at a pub.  He was subsequently unable to remove the ring.  Embarrassment kept him from seeking immediate medical help, but after two days, unbearable pain overcame unbearable shame, and he took his smelly and discolored penis in for treatment.

Doctors told him that gangrene had set in, and his life was in danger. 
The blood supply had been cut off for too long, and there was nothing they could do but remove his penis, so that the necrosis did not spread to the rest of his body.

The manhunt was ongoing.  "There is no way he can escape going under the knife," said a doctor.  "He must come back to the hospital and accept this."  The man’s only consolation is a guaranteed Darwin Award, one way or the other!

Reference: Daily Record (UK), Ananova
<http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2004-06.html>

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Darwin Award: Playing with Elephants -- CONFIRMED

28 January 2005, Pendang, Thailand

It's no secret that elephants are big.  Elephants eat hundreds of pounds of food a day just to maintain their weight.  Indian elephants are nine feet tall at the shoulder, and the males have tusks that extend over three feet.  They're so powerful that in Southeast Asia they are used to haul massive tree trunks with their tusks, work performed by heavy equipment in other countries.

It's also no secret that teasing an animal can make it mad.  Teasing a
nine-foot-tall animal that can carry a tree with its three-foot tusks
may not be a good idea.  Yet that was the very idea that formed in
Prawat's head, when he saw a herd of five performing elephants chained to trees outside a Buddhist temple.

While the owner waited inside for an entertainment permit, Prawat, a 50-year-old rubber-tapper, offered sugar cane to one of the ever-hungry elephants... then pulled it away.  Then he did it again.  And again.  And again.

The game was great fun for Prawat, but the elephant quickly tired of it. The last time Prawat withdrew the treat, the elephant swung his massive tusks and gored him through the stomach.  He died on the way to Alor Star Hospital.

Reference: The Star (Kuala Lumpur)
<http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2005-02.html>

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Honorable Mention: Oops, Did It Again -- CONFIRMED

31 July 2005, Darwin, Australia

A 30-year-old resident of this aptly named town of about 60,000, nestled in the Northern Territories on the Sea of Timor, just wanted to go home. But he was thwarted by two circumstances.  First, he lived in an upper-level unit in a high-rise apartment building, and second, he had locked his keys in the apartment.

It was around 4 a.m.  Some people do their best thinking in the wee hours of the morning, but our protagonist is not one of them.  He concluded thathis best course of action was to scale the outside of the building.

He managed to climb a short distance before he fell.  Luckily, a parked car was beneath him to cushion the blow with its roof.  He pulled himself off the shattered windshield and, unwilling to give up after one small setback, again set out to scale the wall.

This time he reached the third floor before falling.  He was less
fortunate than before, as he landed on his head, yet also more fortunate, as this knocked him unconscious and saved him from a third attempt.

He survived the fall, and was taken to Royal Darwin Hospital for
treatment.

Lest outsiders get the wrong idea of Darwin, Australia, we include a
comment from a sergeant on the Darwin Police force: "It doesn't happen every day," he said.

Reference: The Australian, Gold Coast Bulletin
<http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2005-02.html>

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Honorable Mention: Catching the Boat -- CONFIRMED

28 September 2003, Vancouver, Canada

William, a 36-year-old carpenter, hoped to become a stunt man.  He had a brilliant plan.  During the Vancouver Film Festival, movie people jetted in from all over the world.  He would bungee from the Lions Gate Bridge, gracefully descend to the deck of a passing cruise ship, and disengage from the bungee cable as smoothly as James Bond, to the awe of the ship's passengers.  Producers would marvel at his work, and discuss over cocktails who would hire him for their next film.

Stunt men have the advantage of working with stunt coordinators, who carefully plot out each acrobatic feat with unerring accuracy.  But William was a do-it-yourself man.  He planned for over two years, checking the height of the tides, boat schedules, and deck layouts.  He even lined up sponsors and recruited assistants. But, as it turned out, he could have used a stunt coordinator.

The stunt began perfectly.  William took a swan dive off the bridge,
trailing the bungee cord behind him.  He felt it grow taut as it stretched and began to slow his descent.  The tennis court of the cruise ship drew nearer.  And nearer.  And nearer...

He slammed into the deck, hurtled into a volleyball net, bounced against a deck railing, and found himself flying once more into the air, watching the cruise ship sail away.

Although he had failed to make his James Bond entrance, "people on the boat loved it," he told a reporter.  "They were screaming, yelling, waving." 

A witness, however, described the reaction as "shrieks of horror."

William dangled above the water for a few minutes, confirming that no bones were broken, and making a mental note to use a shorter bungee cord next time.  A water taxi positioned itself beneath him, and he gracefully descended to its deck, and smoothly disengaged from the bungee cable. 

William is still waiting to hear from the movie producers.

Reference: AP, cnn.com
<http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2003-07.html>

--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+

Personal Account: Watch Where You're Going

I hired several laborers to prepare two garden areas for me.  They needed some supplies, so I showed them the location of ice water and the bathroom, and left to obtain the supplies.  Upon my return, I noticed an ambulance in front of my home, along with two police cars.

The police informed me that the neighbor had called 911 to report
a naked man screaming and running around the yard next door.

As it turned out, one of the laborers had needed to answer the call of nature.  Rather than use the bathroom I had shown him, he went into the woods behind our house, dropped his trousers, and squatted down -- right on top of a huge nest of hornets.

He was released from the hospital after about a week, having learned a very painful and nearly fatal lesson: always watch where you're going.

<http://darwinawards.com/personal/personal2004-05.html>

--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+

Personal Account: Brake Care

Summer 2001,  USA

I am a keen mountain-biker, and was the proud owner of a fairly expensive mountain bike.  My bike was fitted with 'V' brakes, which are extremely effective, though prone to squealing.

My dear brother decided to have a ride on my bike one day, while I was out. He noticed the squealing as he cycled down the hill we live on, towards the invariably busy crossroads at the bottom.  Being a helpful sort, he headed back home and proceeded to pour a generous amount of 3-in-1 oil onto the brakes, before once more setting off down the hill.

The oil worked!  The only reported squealing came from my brother, as he slammed into the side of a moving VW Beetle.  To this day he sports an impressive scar running from his eye socket to just past his ear. And yes, the bike was totaled.

<http://darwinawards.com/personal/personal2004-04.html>

--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+
ANOTHER DARWIN AWARD: Hold That Bus!
<http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2004-05.html>

ANOTHER HONORABLE MENTION: Nighttime Fun with Bullets
<http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2005-01.html>

ANOTHER PERSONAL ACCOUNT:  Blast from the Past
<http://darwinawards.com/personal/personal2004-03.html>
--------------------------------------------+---+-+---+-+-+-+-+

    * Copyright (c) 2005 www.DarwinAwards.com *
    * Please share this newsletter with your friends! *
---

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5:24:55 PM EDT
NOAH’S WISH RESCUES OVER 400 PETS IN SLIDELL, LA

OWNERS REUINTED WITH SAVED PETS AS RESCUERS RACE TO SAVE HUNDREDS MORE

(SLIDELL, LA) September 5, 2005 – Noah’s Wish, a not-for-profit organization that works exclusively to rescue and shelter animals in disasters has rescued over 400 animals from evacuated homes in Slidell, Louisiana. The pets are being housed at a temporary animal shelter and Noah’s Wish is working with Slidell Animal Control to save hundreds more abandoned and stranded pets in the city of Slidell.

In addition to the 400 pets rescued by Noah’s Wish, seven other animal shelters in the state of Louisiana are also working around the clock to save as many animals as possible. Over 1,500 animals are being housed in shelters throughout the state. Some of these animals are strays, while others were rescued from homes. Many evacuees from New Orleans fled with their companion animals but were unable to bring them into disaster relief shelters. Those animals are being provided temporary shelter in Louisiana animal shelters.

The Slidell Animal Control building sustained extensive damage during Hurricane Katrina. Noah’s Wish staff and volunteers on the ground do not have phone, cell phone or web access at this time and are unable to communicate outside the Slidell area. Noah’s Wish is asking that pet owners from Slidell to come to Heritage Park to report a lost or stranded pet. Noah’s Wish staff will be at Heritage Park from 8am to 7pm every day for the next several weeks. Pet owners must come in person to determine if their pet is at the shelter, as the number of pets being rescued is expected to reach the hundreds.

This temporary shelter will have the ability to house hundreds of animals. Trained Noah’s Wish volunteers, veterinarians, and veterinary technicians are providing medical services, care and much-needed love and affection to these traumatized animals. Pet owners may pick up food and supplies from Noah’s Wish volunteers in Heritage Park. Donations of pet food, blankets, dog kennels etc. may be left at Heritage Park.

“The animals coming into the shelter are hungry, dehydrated and very scared – but doing ok,” said Terri Crisp. All animals coming into the shelter will be tracked and Noah’s Wish hopes to be able to reunite owners with their four-legged family members. “Pet owners are coming to Heritage Park, desperate to find out if their animals were among those saved so far,” said Crisp. “The good news is that we have been able to reunite many people with their pets.”

Noah’s Wish exists to help people as much as we do pets. Temporary shelter for pets will be offered to residents who lost their homes and are unable to keep their animals with them in shelters or hotels.

Rescue efforts in Slidell are being supported by a network of volunteers around the country. One family from Miami, Florida hired a driver to deliver a truckload of large tents, over 100 dog crates, chain link fencing and pre-fabricated dog runs. Noah’s Wish volunteer coordinators are working to manage the trained volunteers, including veterinarians and veterinary technicians who are being sent to Slidell in stages, to ensure long-term coverage for the rescue efforts which is expected to last several weeks.

Donations are desperately needed and can be made at WWW.NOAHSWISH.ORG. Donations go directly to help the animals of this disaster and cash is preferred as it allows the organization to purchase the supplies needed. Questions should be emailed to info@noahswish.org or a message can be left at 530-622-9313.

Noah’s Wish is a 501 c3 not-for-profit organization based in Placerville, California (near Sacramento). Donations may be mailed to Noah’s Wish P.O. Box 997 Placerville, CA 95667

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5:16:59 PM EDT
Feeling Angry
Let Them Eat ...

The Bush Administration's principal spin doctors pulled a fast one the other day that I hope leads to their demise. They lied to the press, saying that the Governor of Louisiana was slow to declare a “State of Emergency.” The facts are easy to check – there is a copy of the Governor's declaration on the State of Louisiana government web site. But the loons at the editorial desk at two of the more powerful media outlets, The Washington Post and Newsweek magazine didn't bother to check the accuracy of the statement by Karl Rove. Instead, they accepted a clearly erroneous statement and went to press with it. The Washington Post at least managed to get a correction out by mid-afternoon after a sufficient number of irate readers had informed them by phone and email of the lie they had printed. Not so easy for Newsweek as their entire press run was already complete and out the door to the distributors nationwide. It will be a week before they can wipe the egg from their faces. It'll be forever that the mistake lives on in that issue of the number two weekly news magazine.

The time for lies to stop is now. This administration seems to feel that lies are what the public wants to hear.It is time for the public to make their distaste known. Perhaps a march on the White House, with a mass defecation on the lawn? Just a little return of the goods the Bush Administration seems to think it's appropriate to feed Americans. Perhaps our beleaguered farmers can see their way to delivering a fresh load of cow, chicken or, better yet, pig manure to the White House South Lawn, turn those manure spreaders up to high and deliver the goods over the wall. Or maybe some talented urban guerrillas can fashion a blockage of the sewage system, resulting in the President getting to see first hand what his aids and flunkies have been dishing up to an unwary public. Yeah, that's the ticket – let the Bush Administration drown in it's own shit – see if they like it as little as the folks in Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana.

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8:16:41 AM EDT
Gas Prices

Stacy at The Main Attraction sent this out in an email. It gave me a chuckle, despite the pain of filling up the tank on Saturday. Maybe you'll get a chuckle, too.

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6:50:14 AM EDT
Whether you agree or not, they sure know how to turn a phrase...

We Told You So.

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5:22:32 PM EDT

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Julie:: Ingalls-Brown

2. Emotional:: distraught

3. Head of household:: deduction

4. Diva:: Madonna

5. Devastation:: nuclear winter

6. Business or pleasure:: room

7. Crown:: prince

8. Eastern:: time

9. Buzzed:: bee

10. Officer:: down

So my mind works in weird ways. You, too, may demonstrate your weirdness. Get your very own list of words and post a link to your answers over at La Luna Niña's place. It'll ease the pain from your haemorrhoids.

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10:16:06 PM EDT
What becomes [of] your fist ... when you tighten the fingers?

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8:31:15 PM EDT

From the Noah's Wish web site:

"The 65 member rescue team has been very busy setting up the shelter in Slidell and completing rescue requests from evacuated victims and law enforcement personnel and performing door to door searches. Noah’s Wish teams are currently managing rescued animals in 3 locations with the numbers growing rapidly:

168 in a boarding kennel

100 in the emergency shelter

40 in a grooming shop

During the rescue, the teams have come across numerous pets with injuries cause by windborne debris, collapsed building and being struck by automobiles. The injured have been taken to the Louisiana State University Veterinary Hospital for treatment. There have also been happy surprises such as the Chihuahua found waiting patiently in the kitchen sink for rescue after the flood waters receded leaving him stranded.

The website has not been updated as much as we all would like due to the extremely difficult logistics in getting to a phone. Even satellite telephones failed for a good portion of the day. The closest reliable telephone connection is in Baton Rouge almost 2 hours away. Along the route, if you happen to find a gas station with fuel, you will wait for hours for your turn at the pump.

We will have many more stories and pictures in the near future as fuel and telephone services improve.

Noah’s Wish would like to thank you all for allowing us to do whatever it takes to save our often forgotten companions. Without your support, it would not be possible for us to answer this need.

Details relayed via phone from Terri Crisp"

Further UPDATE, Sunday afternoon, 4 Sept: With special thanks to andi (artloner) of She Said What!?! ... Here's a whole bowl of info on how to help the pets that are suffering from the effects of Hurricane Katrina.

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