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Flat Scalzi
Teresa at Oh, My Word!, had the wonderful idea that we all spend a day with Flat Scalzi. 
We spent the early evening chatting a bit; he's a rather clever chap. I went to fetch him a drink, but when I returned, I found Flat Scalzi flirting with Venus. I can't say that I blame him. She is, after all, the Roman goddess of love, beauty, and all those other wonderful things. She was Her usual sweet and charming self although She later confided that She was only humoring him. Didn't want to break his little, flat heart. Poor thing.
Later, I took Flat Scalzi to meet my best friend Loopaleigh. She offered to give him a tarot reading and it was most remarkable. All major arcana cards, which means many great changes. The first card that appeared was the Fool, a card of journeys and new beginnings, but also caution. Then, the Magician and it became clear to us that Flat Scalzi needed to be initiated into Witchcraft immediately. The next cards were the Hanged Man, the Tower, and Death. He asked what the meaning of those cards were, but Loopaleigh just picked them up quickly. She didn't want to frighten him.
We cast the circle using stones and proceeded with the initiation. We presented him with all the necessary Witch tools -- the pointy hat, the sword, athame (ritual knife), and flying broom. He dedicated himself to the Goddess Kali. 
Later, we presented him with the secret Witch tools -- the hookah, two sets of handcuffs, the black purse, and the sacred phallus. I'm sorry; I cannot reveal the meanings of these items as they are ancient Wiccan mysteries. You should feel honored that you are even seeing photographs of this secret ritual.
Afterwards, Flat Scalzi performed the Great Rite with the Coven Maiden. The Great Rite is an ancient and most respected ritual where the initiate has, well, you know, with a priestess. It represents the merging of the God and Goddess. Most of the time, it's performed symbolically by plunging the athame into the cup of wine, but these two really liked each other. The priestess, she's a kinky one, that saucy minx. 
Everything seemed to be going well enough, but then Flat Scalzi somehow insulted Miss Daisy. She's a Third Degree Grand High Coven Mascot Witch Princess. This was not good. We tried very hard, but Miss Daisy could not be soothed. She demanded that Flat Scalzi be sacrificed to the Goddess of the Nine Lives. What could we do? We had to oblige. So into the cauldron he went.
I'll spare you the gory details, but let me put you at ease by saying that Flat Scalzi didn't suffer. It was all over very quickly. He was rather short, after all, and, oh yes, of course, made of paper.
pandorasbazaar at 1:42:00 AM EST Blog about this entry |
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That was hilarious OMG I think that was the most funniest things I've seen in years
As everyone was saying that really is going to be hard to beat.
Erica -
sheer brilliance!
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I like your better...lol
http://journals.aol.com/dragonrose3911/PIT/entries/743 -
OMG & LOL!!!!
This s**t is hilarious!!!! Thank you for making my day off way cool!
11/14/05 12:58 PM