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Sunday, April 13, 2008
Subject: ELISHA: Miracle-Maker or Mass-Murderer?
Time: 3:39:33 PM PDT
Author: phoobar
Mood: Chillin'
Music: THE REAL TUESDAY WELD: "I, Lucifer"
Let's begin with a rhetorical question: Two guys go off together into the desert. One of them returns with the other guy's wallet and a wild story about alien abduction. Would you believe him? No? Then why should we believe this same scenario just because it's in the Bible? But if this story is false then what really happened to Elijah? Could Elisha have murdered the man? God only knows. We can only speculate. I suspect foul play. Let me show you why.
The first time we heard about Elisha was from God's own lips to the spiritually attuned ears of Elijah, while the old guy was hiding from Jezebel's assassins upon Mount Horab; the mountain of God, where Moses received the Commandments. Here is what God had to say to Elijah:
"Go," Yahweh said, "Go back by the same way to the desert of Damascus. You must go and anoint Hazael as king of Aram. You must anoint Jehu son of Nimshi as king of Israel, and anoint Eilsha, son of Shaphat, of Abel-Meholah, as prophet to succeed you. Anyone who escapes the sword of Hazael will be put to death by Jehu; and anyone who escapes the sword of Jehu will be put to death by Elisha. But I shall spare 7000 in Israel; all the knees that have not bent before Baal, all the mouths that have not kissed him."
1 KINGS 19:15-18
I wonder how Elijah received this bit of news from on high. I have my suspicions. The Bible text is vague, but there are clues that suggest disharmony between master and disciple.
Leaving there, he came on Elisha, son of Shaphat, as he was ploughing behind 12 yoke of oxen, he himself being with the 12th. Elijah passed near to him and threw his cloak over him. Elisha left his oxen and ran after Elijah. "Let me kiss my father and mother, then I will follow you," he said.
Elijah answered, "Go, go back; for have I done anything to you?"
Elisha turned away, took a yoke of oxen and slaughtered them. He used the oxen's tackle for cooking the meat, which he gave the people to eat. He then rose and, following Elijah, became his servant.
1 KINGS 19:19-21
I find it interesting that Elisha was introduced with a scene involving slaughter. After all Elisha was supposed to take part in reducing the surplus population of Israel down to a pious 7000 living souls, according to God. Elisha fit the bill. He was young and strong, and completely unbothered by bloodshed. Elijah sounded less than enthused at first, but Elisha's casual brutality must have won him over for a while. I wonder if he scared Elijah.
Elisha isn't mentioned again in I Kings. Perhaps he was temporarily entrusted to some subordinate from the Brotherhood of Prophets for training, while Elijah was busy placing a death curse upon Ahab and Jezebel following the murder of Naboth and the theft of his vineyard.
Perhaps he just didn't get mentioned because he had nothing to say at the time. I'm actually surprised that some ancient scribe didn't just insert Elisha into the text somewhere, in much the same way Raymond Burr was inserted into the original Godzilla, or the way the ancient scribes added Aaron into most of Moses' action. They could have given Elisha some quote-worthy thing to say, that could be squeezed into the narrative somewhere, as they often did in the Bible, but they didn't think of it this time, and so Elisha got left out of the action until the second chapter of II Kings. Which was Elijah's swan song. Luke Skywalker had a longer internship!
The next time we read about Elisha he seemed to be little more than a tag-along. Elijah seemed eager to ditch him at each town they came to.I assume that must have been the routine between these two all along. Was Elijah displeased with his disciple? Was Elisha fearful that his master might be thinking about replacing him? Am I just reading too much into it? You be the judge.
This is what happened when Yahweh took Elijah up to heaven in the whirlwind:
Elijah and Elisha set out from Gilgal, and Elijah said to Elisha, "You stay here, for Yahweh is only sending me to Bethel. But Elisha replied, "As Yahweh lives and as you yourself live, I will not leave you!" and they went down to Bethel.
The brotherhood of prophets living at Bethel came out to meet Elisha and said, "Do you know that Yahweh will carry your lord and master away today?"
"Yes, I know," he said, "Be quiet."
II KINGS 2:1-3
Elijah tried to shake Elisha at Gilgal, Bethel, and Jericho before his disappearance on the far side of the Jordan. All in the same day we are told. Could this be a motive for murder? Or was it a Close Encounter of the weird kind?
Elijah said, "Elisha, you stay here, Yahweh is only sending me to Jericho. But Elisha replied, "As Yahweh lives and as you yourself live, I will not leave you!" and they went on to Jericho.
The brotherhood of prophets living at Jericho came out to meet Elisha and said, "Do you know that Yahweh will carry your lord and master away today?"
"Yes, I know," he said, "Be quiet."
II KINGS 2:4,5
And again:
Elijah said, "Elisha, you stay here, Yahweh is only sending me to the Jordan." But Elisha replied, "As Yahweh lives and as you yourself live, I will not leave you!" And they went on together.
50 of the brotherhood of prophets followed them, halting some distance away as the 2 of them stood beside the Jordan.
II KINGS 2:6-7
This time the Bible tells us that the Brotherhood of Prophets sent 50 followers to follow Elijah and Elisha all the way to the bank of the Jordan River in an attempt to witnesses Elijah's mysterious departure. Too bad they failed. I wonder why the Brotherhood approached Elisha with the news at each town and not his master? I guess because Elijah already knew everything, being a prophet and all.
Here is where we enter the Twilight Zone, dear readers:
Elijah took his cloak, rolled it up and struck the water; and the water dividedto left and right, and the 2 of them crossed over dry-shod. Whenthey had crossed, Elijah said to Elisha, "Make your request. What can I do for you before I am snatched away from you?"
"Elisha answered, "Let me inherit a double share of your spirit."
"Your request is difficult," Elijah said. "If you see me while I am being snatched away from you, it will be as you ask; if not, it will not be so."
II KINGS 2:8,10
There were no witnesses at this point. The gap in the Jordan had closed up. The followers from the Brotherhood could no longer follow the two of them. From here on out we're just expected to take Elisha's word on what really went down.
Now as they walked on, talking as they went, a chariot of fire appeared and horses of fire coming between the 2 of them; and Elijah went up to heaven in the whirlwind. Elisha saw it, and shouted, "My father! My father! Chariot of Israel and its chargers!" Then he lost sightof him, and taking hold of his own clothes he tore them in half.
II KINGS 2:11,12
If Elisha was telling the truth then this was an early X File, predating Ezekiel by centuries. If he was lying then this would be a job for CSI. What do you think? The X Files, or CSI?
He picked up Elijah's cloak which had fallen, and went back and stood on the bank of the Jordan. He took Elijah's cloak and he struck the water. "Where is Yahweh, the God of Elijah?" he cried. As he struck the water it divided to right and left, and Elisha crossed over.
II KINGS 2:13,14
All Elisha had to do now was sell his wild tale of alien abduction to the Brotherhood.
The brotherhood of prophets saw him in the distance, and said, "The spirit of Elijah has come to rest on Elisha"; they went to meet him and bowed to the ground before him.
II KINGS 2:15
Elisha was now the top dog, yet the followers from the Brotherhood still insisted upon conducting a search for Elijah, and they don't sound as if the expected to find him alive. Why look on the ground and under rocks for a man who was alive and well in Heaven above? They weren't buying it. Who would?
"Look," they said, "your servants have 50 strong men with them, let them go and look for your master; the Spirit of Yahweh may have taken him up and thrown him down on a mountain or into a valley."
"Send no one," he replied.
But they so shamed him with their insistence that he consented. So they sent 50 men who searched for 3 days without finding him. They then came back to Elisha who had stayed in Jericho; he said, "Didn't I tell you not to go?"
II KINGS 2:16-18
Elisha didn't take part in the search, but remained in Jericho. The Brotherhood spent 3 days searching for Elijah's corpse, but couldn't find where Elisha had hidden it.
They couldn't proove foul play without Elijah'scorpse. They had little choice but to accept Elisha's specious extraterrestrial encounter into the official record without so much as a crop circle to back it up. That's where faith comes into the picture. Believe it or not.
Elisha was free to go on his way. And along the way he found an opportunity to test out his newly won powers.
From there he went up to Bethel, and while he was on the road, some small boys came out of the town and jeered at him. "Hurry up, baldy!" they shouted. "Come on up, baldy!" He turned round and looked at them; and he cursed them in the name of Yahweh. And 2 bears came out of the forest and savaged 42 of the boys.
II KINGS 2:23,24
It's too bad he couldn't have just used his miraculous powers to grow more hair instead of putting a death curse on a group of children with poor manners. Let that be a lesson to all of you: Never tease a bald man. He might be a pissed-off prophet.
INDEX: http://journals.aol.com/phoobar/RantsRuminations/entries/2004/10/28/the-black-sheep-infidels-archives/857
Written by phoobar
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Saturday, December 3, 2005
Subject: XMAS ESP? (Nit-Picking Matthew)
Time: 1:51:58 PM PST
Author: phoobar
Mood: Hopeful
Music: Led Zepplin: Houses of the Holy
Hello again, dear readers. The Black Sheep Infidel is back in Bible-Land -- Just in time for the silly season.
I assure you all -- I haven’t been idle. I’ve written a 220 page screenplay that I need to boil down to around 90 pages. I want to let it cool for a spell, and work on something drastically different, before I begain the painful rewrite phase.
I look forward to posting it on Triggerstreet.com when it's ready.
I thought I'd dust off the blog for a series of ruminations on the prophetic claims of the NT, but this turned out to be far more complicated than I’d anticipated. Information overload! So I had to break this rumination into digestible pieces, and restrict myself to Matthew.
Let's see how well Matthew’s alleged links to the OT hold up under scrutiny. I think you'll be surprised.
The first Christmas according to Matthew
"This is how Jesus Christ came to be born. His mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph; but before they came to live together she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Her husband Joseph, being an upright man and wanting to spare her disgrace, decided to divorce her informally. He had made up his mind to do this when suddenly the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, ‘Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because she has conceived what is in her by the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son and you must name him Jesus, because he is the one who is to save his people from their sins.' Now all this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken through the prophet: ‘Look! The virgin is with child and will give birth to a son whom they will call Immanuel.’ A name which means ‘God is with us.’ "
MATTHEW 1:18-23
This verse establishes that Joseph was of the royal bloodline. But it also establishes that JC wasn’t his biological son!
The Bible doesn’t tell us about Mary’s family tree. I suspect it might have been included if royal blood ran in her veins, but maybe not.The Good Book didn't put very much stock in female bloodlines, or mitochondrial DNA.
The son of man might have bled Port for all we know.
Here’s the OT passage the author(s) of Matthew were referring to. Does it really foretell the coming of JC?
"Yahweh spoke to Ahaz again and said, ‘Ask Yahweh your God for a sign, either in the depths of Sheol or in the heights above. But Ahaz said, ‘I will not ask. I will not put Yahweh to the test.‘ He then said: ‘Listen now, House of David: are you not satisfied with trying human patience that you should try my God’s patience too? The Lord will give you a sign in any case. It is this: the young woman is with child and will give birth to a son whom she will call Immanuel. On curds and honey will he feed until he knows how to refuse the bad and choose the good. Before the child knows how to refuse the bad and choose the good, the lands, whose 2 kings are frightening you, will be deserted. Yahweh will bring times for you, your people, and your ancestral House, such as have not been seen since Ephraim broke away from Judah (the king of Assyria).’"
ISAIAH. 7:10-17
Was this holy child promised to king Ahaz really JC?
I seriously doubt that Ahaz would have cared about what was going to happen a thousand years after he was dead. I think he would be far more concerned with his near future. Wouldn't you?
I think this prophecy was really about King Ahaz’s unborn son, Hezekiah; who did bring about a renaissance to the often troubled throne of David's progeny.
Consider the following:
"In the 3rd year of Hoshea son of Elah, king of Israel, Hezekiah son of Ahaz became king of Judah. He was 25 years old when he came to the throne, and he reigned for 29 years in Jerusalem. His mother’s name was Abijah daughter of Zechariah. He did what Yahweh regards as right, just as his ancestor David had done. He abolished the high places, broke the pillars, cut down the sacred poles and smashed the bronze serpent which Moses had made (Numbers 21:6-9); for up to that time the Israelites had offered sacrifices to it; it was called Nehushtan. He put his trust in Yahweh, God of Israel. No king of Judah after him could be compared with him-- nor any of those before him."
II KINGS 18:1-5
The part about the child being born of a virgin was just a mistranslation from Hebrew into Greek.
The “young woman" spoken of by Isaiah was probably Queen Abijah. The Israelites were often referred to metaphorically as a virtuous maiden in the Bible. Perhaps Abijah, daughter of the prophet Zechariah, mother of good King Hezekiah, may have been that paradigm of virtue they were referring to.
****************************************
The Good Shepherd cometh
"After Jesus had been born in Bethlehem in Judea during the reign of King Herod, suddenly some wise men came to Jerusalem from the east asking, ‘Where is the infant king of the Jews? We saw his star as it rose and have come to do him homage.’ When King Herod heard this he was perturbed, and so was the whole of Jerusalem. He called together all his chief priests and the scribes of the people, and enquired of them where the Christ was to be born. They told him, ‘At Bethlehem in Judea, for this is what the people wrote: “And you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, you are by no means the least among the leaders of Judah, for from you will come a leader who will shepherd my people Israel.”’
MATTHEW 2:1-6
Here is the OT passage they were talking about. Does it really predict JC’s coming?
"But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, the least of the clans of Judah, from you will come for me a future ruler of Israel, whose origins go back to the distant past, to the days of old. Hence Yahweh will abandon them only until she who is in labor gives birth, and then those who survive of his race will be reunited to the Israelites. He will take his stand and he will shepherd them with the power of Yahweh, with the majesty of the name of his God, and they will be secure, for his greatness will extend henceforth to the most distant parts of the country. He himself will be peace! Should the Assyrian invade our country, should he set foot in our land, we shall raise 7 shepherds against him, 8 leaders of men; they will shepherd Assyria with the sword, the country of Nimrod with naked blade. He will save us from the Assyrian, should he invade our country, should he set foot inside our frontiers."
MICAH 5:1-5
This Messiah was coming to save his people from the Assyrians, not their sins.
Micah seemed to be hoping for a great warrior-king like David, who had been a good shepherd himself in his youth. Bethlehem was David's home town after all. A town whose origins go back to per-kingdom Israel, as depicted in the book of Judges.
I don’t think this has anything to do with JC.
****************************************
Out of Egypt I have called my son
"So Joseph got up and, taking the child and his mother with him, left that night for Egypt, where he stayed until Herod was dead. This was to fulfill what the Lord had spoken through the prophet: ‘I called my son out of Egypt.’"
MATTHEW 2:14,15
This is the "prophecy" that made me think of this little exercise.
"When Israel was a child I loved him, and I called my son out of Egypt. But the more I called, the further they went from me; they offered sacrifice to Baal and burnt incense to idols."
HOSEA 11:1,2
Hosea was talking about back-sliders, apostates, and idolatry. Not JC. This wasn't even a prophecy! Matthew was just fishing for “My son“ references anywhere he could find them. This is the fishiest one of all!
*********************************************************
The Slaughter of the Innocents
"Herod was furious on realizing that he had been fooled by the wise men, and in Bethlehem and its surrounding district he had all the male children killed who were 2 years old or less, reckoning by the date he had been careful to ask the wise men. Then were fulfilled the words spoken through the prophet Jeremiah: A voice is heard in Ramah, laminating and weeping bitterly. It is Rachel weeping for her children, refusing to be comforted because they are no more."
MATTHEW 2:16-18
Does the OT really foretell the slaughter of the innocents? A story uncorroborated by Mark, Luke, John, or by any historian. Let’s see for ourselves.
"Yahweh says this: A voice is heard in Ramah, lamenting and weeping bitterly: it is Rachel weeping for her children, because they are no more. Yahweh says this: Stop your lamenting. Dry your eyes. For your labor will be rewarded, Yahweh declares, and they will return from the enemy’s country. There is hope for your future after all. Yahweh declares, your children will return to their homeland."
JEREMIAH 31:15-17
There is nothing in Jeremiah about King Herod, JC, or the slaughter of the innocents. Jeremiah was predicting the return of the captive Hebrews in Babylon.
Jeeze!
****************************************
Nazarene or Nazirite?
"So Joseph got up and, taking the child and his mother with him, went back to the land of Israel. But when he learnt that Archelaus had succeeded his father, Herod, as ruler of Judaea he was afraid to go there, and being warned in a dream, he withdrew to the region of Galilee. There he settled in a town called Nazareth. In this way the words spoken through the prophets were to be fulfilled: He will be called a Nazarene."
MATTHEW 2:21-23
Here is the only passage in the OT that comes close, but it doesn’t mention the town of Nazareth. This is about another "Chosen One" -- Samson the Nazirite hero -- A Herculean Hebrew who kicked some serious Philistine ass back in his day.
Was this another Hebrew into Greek error, or more pious fraud?
See for yourself.
"There was a man of Zorah of the tribe of Dan, called Manoah. His wife was barren; she had borne no children. The Angel of Yahweh appeared to this woman and said to her, ‘You are barren and have had no child, but you are going to conceive and give birth to a son. From now on, take great care. Drink no wine or fermented liquor, and eat nothing unclean. For you are going to conceive and give birth to a son. No razor is to touch his head, for the boy is to be God’s Nazirite from his mother’s womb; and he will start rescuing Israel from the power of the Philistines.’"
JUDGES 13:2-5
The Philistines were long gone before JC's time. The Babylonians had put the Philistines out of business centuries before then. Matthew was such a fibber!
What is a Nazirite? I'm glad you asked. Here's what Moses has to say:
"Yahweh spoke to Moses and said, ‘Speak to the Israelites and say: “If a man or woman wishes to make a vow, the nazirite vow, to vow himself to Yahweh, he will abstain from wine and fermented liquor, he will not drink vinegar derived from one or the other, he will not drink grape juice or eat grapes, be they fresh or dried. For the duration of his vow he will eat nothing that comes from the vine, not even juice of unripe grapes or skins of grapes. As long as he is bound by his vow, no razor will touch his head; until the time for which he has vowed himself to Yahweh is completed, he remains consecrated and will let his hair grow freely. For the entire period of his vow to Yahweh, he will not go near a corpse...."
(ect. ect. ect.)
NUMBERS 6:1-21
The word Nazirite means set apart unto God. Ultra-kosher.
This sounds more like John the Baptist than Jesus. Perhaps the prophets of old were talking about JC’s brother, James, the vegetarian. Definately not JC.
Considerthe following passage:
"‘For John came, neither eating nor drinking, and they say, “He is possessed.” The Son of man came, eating and drinking, and they say, “Look, a glutton and a drunkard, A friend of tax collectors and sinners.” Yet wisdom is justified by her deeds.’"
MATTHEW 11:18,19
The word Nazarene does not appear in the OT.
As you can see Matthew was willing to take anything out of context to prove that his claims were backed up by the OT Prophets.
As Paul once said:
"You might as well say that if my untruthfulness makes God demonstrate His truthfulness, to His greater glory, then I should not be judged to be a sinner at all."
ROMANS 3:7
INDEX: http://journals.aol.com/phoobar/RantsRuminations/entries/857
Written by phoobar
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Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Subject: THE HISTORY OF SHIT
Time: 6:50:57 PM PST
Author: phoobar
Mood: Silly
Music: Metallica BLACK
In the 16th and 17th centuries everything had to be transported by ship. Commercial fertilizer hadn't been invented yet, so large shipments of manure were common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less, but once it got wet, it not only got heavier, but the process of fermentation began, producing methane gas. This happened a lot at sea, and ships got blown to bits whenever a sailor went below deck with a lantern.
The fart from hell!
To reduce the risks of transporting fertilizer by sea all bundles of manure were stamped with: S. H. I. T., or Ship High In Transit.
Possibly where the term, 'high and dry' got started. Keep your SHIT dry, or else!
We all know where the word FUCK came from (Fornication Under Carnal Knowledge) -- Now we can all proclaim with pride that we also know SHIT!
Unless this is all bullshit.... (-;
A guy named Joe Valdez told me this story, and I thought I'd share it with all of my friends in cyberspace,
peace....
RICH
PS:
The following link was probably where Joe got the story about SHIT. My version is funnier.
http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl-s-word.htm
INDEX: http://journals.aol.com/phoobar/RantsRuminations/entries/857
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Friday, February 11, 2005
Subject: SUFFER THE CHILDREN
Time: 4:30:44 PM PST
Author: phoobar
Mood: Quiet
Music: Pat Benatar: "hell is for children"
The Bible and the anti-abortion movement go hand-in-hand. This makes about as much sense to me as replacing the Cub Scout Handbook with Mein Kampf. The Bible is not pro-life, folks!
"Yahweh regretted having made human beings on earth and was grieved at heart. And Yahweh said, 'I shall rid the surface of the earth of the human beings whom I created.'"
GENESIS 6:6,7
The human race had become so wicked that God decided to throw the baby out with the bath water. Countless human beings were drowned like rats. Even the unborn babies! What an abortion!
When God visited Abraham, and told him of His intention to annihilate the citizens of Sodom and Gomorrah, Abraham attempted to use pro-lifer logic. The end result was genocide, as usual. Another temper-tantrume from on high.
Later on God decided to test Abraham, to see if he was willing to slit the throat of his favorite son, Isaac (or Ishmael), as a sacrifice. Yahweh changed His mind at the last minute, and settled for a psudo-pagan animal sacrifice instead.
Was God messing with Abraham because he dared to question His divine authority on the value of human life, vs the sacred benefits of genocide? God's little test ended up killing Sarah. The old gal couldn't take any more.
Finally God decided to become a mortal man, so He could sacrifice Himself to Himself in order to grant all Christians a heavenly pardon for the sin of freewill. Sort of like the serpent eating its own tail.
But what about the fetuses? What about their rights?
"When Tamar was told, 'Look, your father-in-law is going up to Timnah for the shearing of his sheep,' she changed out of her widow's clothes, wrapping a veil around her to disguise herself, and sat down at the entrance to Enaim, which is on the way to Timnah...
"Judah, seeing her, took her for a prostitute, since her face was veiled. Going up to her on the road,he said, 'Here, let me sleep with you.'
"He did not know that she was his daughter-in-law.
"'What will you give me for sleeping with you?' she asked.
"'I will send you a kid from the flock,' he said.
"'Agreed, if you give me a pledge until you send it,' she replied.
"'What pledge shall I give you?' he asked.
"'Your seal and cord and the staff you are holding,' she replied.
"He gave them to her and slept with her, and she conceived by him."
GENESIS 38:13-18 (II KINGS 23:4-7)
"About 3 months later, Judah was told, 'Your daughter-in-law has played the harlot; furthermore, she is pregnant as a result of her misconduct.'
"'Bring her out,' Judah ordered, 'and let her be burnt alive!'"
GENESIS 38:23
Fortunately, Tamar was able to prove that Judah was the father of her fetus. She was pronounced, virtuous, and her life, and that spark of life growing within her, were spared. Another abortion avoided through planned parenthood.
Tamar became the matriarch of the bloodline that spawned David, Solomon, and perhaps even Jesus. What a sharp woman!
The fact remains: they were willing to burn a woman alive who was 3 months pregnant!
Moses and God addressed the issue of preborn life on the mountain top. This was their determination about the value of fetal humans:
"If people, when brawling, hurt a pregnant woman and she suffers a miscarriage, but no further harm is done, the person responsible will pay compensation as fixed by the woman's master, paying as much as the judges decide.
"If further harm is done, however, you will award life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stroke for stroke."
EXODUS 21:22,23
If the mother survived the miscarriage, then the death of her unborn child was reduced to a misdemeanor. The person who caused the abortion owed the "husband" (KJV), or "master" (NJB) a fine. Compensation for the loss of property.
If the mother had died because of the miscarriage, then the crime would be murder (of an adult), and the person responsible for the miscarriage that led to the woman's death would be put to death by devine law.
A fetus was a non-person as far as God and Moses were concerned.
If you still think that the Bible is fetus-friendly, check out these genocidal mass-abortions by divine decree:
"So kill all the male children and kill all the women who have ever slept with a man; but spare the lives of the young girls who have never slept with a man, and keep them for yourselves."
NUMBERS 31:17,18
"Samaria will pay the penalty for having rebelled against her God. They will fall by the sword, their little children will be dashed to pieces and their preganant women disembowelled."
HOSEA 14:1
For more divine abortions check out:
DEUTERONOMY 2:34,35, 20:16,17
JOSHUA 6:21, 10:28-40, 11:11-14
JUDGES 21:10,11
I SAMUEL 15:3, 22:19, 27:9-11
II KINGS 8:12, 15:16
ISAIAH 13:15-18
God killed the unnamed infant son of David and Bathsheba's adultery, to punish the king for the murder of Bathsheba's former husband, Uriah (II SAMUEL 12:13,14). Shades of the final plague of Exodus. Kill the children to punish the sinning adults.
Suffer the children indeed!
"But Jesus turned to them and said, 'Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me; weep rather for yourselves and for your children. For look, the days are surely coming when people will say, Blessed are those who are barren, the wombs that have never borne children,the breaststhat have never suckled!'"
LUKE 23:28,29
(Also in LUKE 21:23 -- MATTHEW 24:19)
And finally, a quote from the King James version. For the poetry:
"O daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed; happy shall he be that rewardeth thee as thou hast served us. Happy shall he be that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones."
PSALM 137:8,9
I didn't write the Book, brothers and sisters! -- God did! ;-)
Read it for yourselves.
Peace...
INDEX: http://journals.aol.com/phoobar/RantsRuminations/entries/857
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Thursday, January 20, 2005
Subject: SACRED HOOKERS?! HOLY SODOMY! (God’s homophobia pt. 3)
Time: 9:43:08 PM PST
Author: phoobar
Mood: Quiet
Music: Elton John's Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
“I shall not punish your daughters for playing the whore, nor your daughters-in-law for committing adultery, when the men themselves are wandering off with whores and offering sacrifice with sacred prostitutes...”
HOSEA 4:14
“There must be no sacred prostitute among the women of Israel, and no sacred prostitutes among the men of Israel."
DEUTERONOMY 23:18
Ceremonial prostitutes were nearly ubiquitous throughout the Fertile Crescent. They were highly regarded among the fertility cults of old, and nice to have around when you're horny.
In the epic of Gilgamesh, a temple prostitute, Shamhat, was commissioned by the king to seduce the beast-man, Enkidu. She estranged him from the animals, and made a man out of him.
Talk about pussy-whipped! We've all seen it happen. You're best buddy falls in lust with somebody that doesn't like the friends he hangs out with, and suddenly the friendship's a thing of the past. Enkidu dissed the his animal friends over a woman. The friendship dissolved.
He and Gilgamesh became inseparable later on. Hmmm...?
Mary of Magdala may have been a ceremonial prostitute, before JC came along, and turned her around.
But that's another tale for another time.
This sacred vocation was not gender specific. There were professional sperm-spillers to suite the tastes of every male worshiper in the community. The point of this was to symbolically re-impregnate Mother Earth, and to appease the other god, or gods of that town.
Quite a few Hebrews worshipped Yahweh and other gods at the same time.
Finally God had to lay down the law:
"Moses turned and came down the mountain with the 2 tablets of the Testimony in his hands, tablets inscribed on both sides,inscribed on the front and on the back. The tablets were the work of God, and the writing on them was God’s writing, engraved on the tablets. When Joshua heard the noise of the people shouting, he said to Moses, ’There is the sound of battle in the camp!’ But he replied: ’No song of victory is this sound, no lament for defeat this sound; but answering choruses I hear!’ And there, as he approached the camp, he saw the (golden) calf and the groups dancing. Moses blazed with anger. He threw down the tablets he was holding, shattering them at the foot of the mountain. He seized the calf they had made and burned it, grinding it into powder which he scattered on the water, and made the Israelites drink it.”
EXODUS 32:15-20
The first time Moses climbed the mountain to receive the tablets of Testimony from God, the things God was preoccupied with were not so anal. They were mostly ceremonial instructions and such.
Moses broke the first tablets, and the law, in a pique at the foot of God's Mountain.
The second time up the mountain was very different.
The LAW was revised.
The Hebrews had relapsed to pagan ways in Moses' absence, with the cooperation of Aaron, his brother, the high priest. After that Moses became an obsessive-compulsive control freak about clean and unclean conduct. Sort'a like Howard Hughs and his germs.
Fornication became the new Original Sin. Yaweh became a jealous god. Nothing connected to fertility cult practices were to be tolerated. Sex was for procreation only -- not for worship, for ritual, or even for mutual enjoyment. That was the same as paganism as far as Moses and God were concerned.
"You shall have no other gods to rival me. You shall not make yourself a craved image or any likeness of anything in heaven above or earth beneath or in the waters under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them. For I, Yahweh your God, am a jealous God..."
EXODUS 20:3-5
Yahweh's chosen people were frequent backsliders, as you can see.
"They had built themselves high places, and had set up pillars and sacred poles on every high hill and under every spreading tree. There were even male sacred prostitutes in the country. He (King Rehoboam) copied all the shameful practices of the nations whom Yahweh had dispossessed for the Israelites."
I KINGS 14:23,24
Sacred poles and pillars were obviously phallic symbols. KJV calls the ceremonial male prostitutes, the Sodomites.
“Asa did what Yahweh regards as right, as his ancestor David had done. He drove the male prostitutes out of the country and got rid of all the idols which his ancestors had made.”
I KINGS 15:11,12
“He pulled down the house of the sacred male prostitutes which was in the Temple of Yahweh and where the women wove veils for Asherah.”
II KINGS 23:4-7
Tamar put a veil over her face to disguise herself as a sacred hooker, so that she could trick Judah into knocking her up (GENESIS 38:13-18). The reason for the wearing of veils was to make the sex act less personal, and more symbolic.
A possible origin for the term: "Bag that face, so we can get it on!" -- or something like that.
“The Temple was filled with revelling and debauchery by the gentiles, who took their pleasure with prostitutes and had intercourse with women in the sacred precincts, introducing other indecencies besides.”
II MACCABEES6:4
“Mark, then, what I command you today. I am going to drive out the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Hivites and the Jebusites before you. Take care you make no pact with the inhabitants of the country which you are about to enter, or they will prove a snare in your community. You will tear down their altars, smash their cultic stones and cut down their sacred poles, for you will worship no other god, since Yahweh’s name is the Jealous One; He is a jealous God. Make no pact with the inhabitants of the country or, when they prostitute themselves to their own gods and sacrifice to them, they will invite you and you will partake of their sacrifice, and then you willchoose wives for your sons from among their daughters, and their daughters, prostituting themselves to their own gods, will induce your sons to prostitute themselves to their gods. You will not cast metal gods for yourself.”
EXODUS 34:11-17
“The man who has intercourse with a man in the same way as with a woman: they have done a hateful thing together; they will be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.”
LEVITICUS 20:13
“You will not follow the laws of the nations whom I am driving out before you; they practice all these things, which is why I detested them.”
LEVITICUS 20:23
I'm not sure what JC's postition on this issue was. He was far more concerned with religious hypocracy among the higher ups. I believe his was a political mission, and I plan to talk about this soon.
The writers of the epistles echo the OT's sentiments: Fags are the devil! They must die for being the way they are. God detests gay men. Being a gay Christian makes about as much sense as being a Jewish Nazi, as far as I'm concerned.
This black sheep infidel says: What the hell? Why not? Be a gay Christian if that floats your boat. Who knows? Yahweh might've been misquoted again. Better not spill any sperm though, just to be on the safe side. Even a wet dream can make a guy unclean all day!
(LEVITICUS 15:16,17)
Peace out!
See PAGAN PARADOX by R. Speaks http://journals.aol.com/phoobar/SpeaksSpace/entries/80
INDEX: http://journals.aol.com/phoobar/RantsRuminations/entries/857
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Saturday, January 8, 2005
Subject: WHAT'S UP WITH SODOM? (God's homophobia pt. 2)
Time: 6:38:06 PM PST
Author: phoobar
Mood: Hopeful
Music: The Doors: When The Music's Over
Is the story of Sodom and Gomorrah (S&G) true? Was it unique, or merely another literary clone? Was it just a dramatic polemic about homosexual depravity, or was it actually paranoid propaganda meant to combat the influence of the ancient fertility cults surrounding the Holy Land?
The S&G story has been used to condemn homosexuality, and even to justify intolerance and persecution upon homosexuals (mostly male) by the just and faithful followers of Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, Jesus (God, Jr.), ect. The names of those detested towns, S&G, were used as a metaphor to denounce idolatry and depravity in nearly every book of the Bible. Judges has the story of Gibeah instead. Both stories read like some super scary prison shower scene.
This is an interesting coincidence. Male homosexuality and fertility cults. A common connection in the Bible, as you will see in my next post.
I think the S&G story was a retelling of an inciting incident, or more likely an ancient urban legend that the scribes had recycled and predated to the patriarchal times of Genesis, a thousand years before the Gibeah incident, as recorded in the book of Judges.
The Gibeah story is devoid of angels and miracles, but contains many uncanny similarities. The tale of a traveling holy man with his manservant being besieged and threatened with homosexual gang rape at Gibeah, and the story of the 2 hungry and thirsty angels with dirty feet condemning S&G to fiery destruction much like Gibeah is either one hell of a coincidence, or the oddest doublet to be found in the Bible.
If I'm right in my thinking then that means that the S&G story had to have been written sometime after the Gibeah incident -- back in the days when Israel was governed by Levitical Judges. Both books could have been written after the fall of Babylon by the resettled Hebrews, who were trying to salvage their cultural identity. The mention of domesticated camels in Genesis is a telling clue, as camels were domesticated until much later than the age depicted.
Predating events and stories is still a common practice. Think Romeo and Juliet vs The West Side Story, or the modernized Leonardo DeCaprio film. Think the original Scarface vs the brilliant DePalma remake. I'm sure you can come up with many other examples yourself, dear reader.
This story was retold so many times that it became distorted, morphing into 2 separate fables, and winding up in the Bible twice! S&G and Gibeah. Almost a thousand years apart (If the Bible was historical). Let's take a look at these stories, side-by-side, and you can judge for yourself.
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"When the 2 angels reached Sodom in the evening, Lot was sitting at the gate of Sodom. As soon as Lot saw them, he stood up to greet them, and bowed to the ground. 'My lords,' he said, 'please come down to your servant's house to stay the night and wash your feet. Then you can make an early start on your journey.' 'No,' they said, 'we shall spend the night in the square.' But he pressed them so much that they went home with him and entered his house. He prepared a meal for them, baking unleavened bread, and they had supper."
GENESIS 19:1-3
"As they approached Gibeah in Benjamin, the sun was setting. So they turned that way to spend the night in Gibeah. Once inside, the Levite sat down in the town square, but no one offered to take them in for the night. Eventually, an old man came along at nightfall from his work in the fields. He too was from the highlands of Ephraim, although he was living in Gibeah; the people of the place,however, were Benjaminites. Looking up, he saw the traveler in the town square. 'Where are you going?'said the old man, 'And where have you come from?' 'We are on our way', the other replied, 'from Bethlehem in Judah to a place deep in the highlands of Ephraim. I have been to Bethlehem Judah and now I am going home, but no one has offered to take me into his house, although we have straw and provender for our donkeys, and I also have bread and wine for myself, and this maid servant and the young man who is traveling with your servant; we are short of nothing.' 'Welcome,' said the old man, 'I shall see that you have all you want. You cannot spend the night in the square.' So he took him into his house and gave the donkeys provender. The travelers washed their feet, then ate and drank."
JUDGES 19:14-21
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"They had not gone to bed when the house was surrounded by the townspeople, the men of Sodom both young and old, all the people without exception. Calling out to Lot they said, 'Where are the men who came to you tonight? Send them out to us so that we can have intercourse with them.'"
GENESIS 19:4,5
"While they were enjoying themselves, some townsmen, scoundrels, came crowding round the house; they battered on the door and said to the old man, master of the house, 'Send out the man who went into your house, we should like to have intercourse with him!'"
JUDGES 19:22
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"Lot came out to them at the door and, having shut the door behind him, said, 'Please, brothers, do not be wicked. Look, I have 2 daughters who are virgins. I am ready to send them out to you, for you to treat as you please, but do nothing to these men since they are now under the protection of my roof.'"
GENESIS 19:6-8
"The master of the house went out to them and said, 'No, brothers, please, do not be so wicked. Since this man is now under my roof, do not commit such an infamy. Here is my daughter; she is a virgin; I shall bring her out to you. Ill-treat her, do what you please with her, but do not commit such an infamy against this man.'"
JUDGES 19:23,24
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"But they retorted, 'Stand back! This fellow came here as a foreigner, and now he wants to play the judge. Now we shall treat you worse than them.' Then they forced Lot back and moved forward to break down the door. But the men reached out, pulled Lot back into the house with them, and shut the door. And they dazzled those who were at the door of the house, one and all, with a blinding light, so that they could not find the doorway."
GENESIS 19:9-11
"But the men would not listen to him. So the Levite took hold of his concubine and brought her out to them. They had intercourse with her and ill-treated her all night till morning; when dawn was breaking they let her go. At daybreak the girl came and fell on the threshold of her husbands host, and she stayed there until it was light."
JUDGES 19:26
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"When dawn broke the angels urged Lot on, 'To your feet! Take your wife and your 2 daughters who are here, or you will be swept away in the punishment of the city.'"
GENESIS 19:15
"In the morning her husband got up and, opening the door of the house, was going to continue his journey when he saw the woman, his concubine, lying at the door of the house with her hands on the threshold. 'Get up', he said, 'we must leave!' There was no answer. He then loaded her on his donkey and began the journey home. Having reached his house, he took his knife, took hold of his concubine and cut her, limb by limb, into 12 pieces; he then sent her throughout the territory of Israel. He gave instructions to his messengers, 'This is what you are to say to all the Israelites, "Has anything like this been done since the day when the Israelites came out of Egypt until today?" Take this to heart, discuss it; then give your verdict.'"
JUDGES 19:27-30
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"Then Yahweh rained down on Sodom and Gomorrah brimstone and fire of his own sending. He overthrew those cities and the whole plain, with all the people living there."
GENESIS 19:24,25
"Yahweh defeated Benjamin before Israel and that day the Israelites killed 25,100 men of Benjamin, all of them trained swordsmen."
JUDGES 20:35
"But the signal, a column of smoke, began to rise from the town, and the looking back saw the whole town going up in flames to the sky. The Israelites then turned about, and the Benjaminites were seized with terror, for they saw that disaster had struck them."
JUDGES 20:41
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The fact that all of the characters are unnamed in the Gibeah account makes it all the more credible to me. A Levite priest may not be an angel, but he would be sacred, especially in the time before Israel had a king. God's wrath is carried out through bloody civil war, and the end result was much the same: fiery destruction, and infamy.
Were these ghastly tales merely about God's hatred for homosexuals? No. That's an over-simplification for the simple-minded lovers of hate. I think that these Bible stories were really all about disloyalty to Yahweh, and the blatant disregard for the custom of offering hospitality to travelers. A big deal in days of old. A cautionary tale meant to scare the flock away from pagan practices that sounded like a lot of fun for everyone. Pagans spilled sperm on their altars, the Yawehists spilled blood. That's why sex became such a holy taboo, and God had became angry as hell. Sex became the updated Original Sin; replacing disobedience to God. To the ancient Yahwehists they were one and the same. The pagans loved the Earth Mother. The Yahwehists feared their vengeful god.
"He (God) condemned the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah by reducing them to ashes as a warning to future sinners; but rescued Lot, an upright man who had been sickened by the debauched way in which these vile people behaved -- for that upright man, living among them, was outraged in his upright soul by the crimes that he saw and heard every day. All this shows that the Lord is well able to rescue the good from their trials, and hold the wicked for punishment until the Day of Judgment, especially those who follow the desires of their corrupt human nature and have no respect for the Lord's authority."
2 PETER 2:6-10
"They have become deeply corrupt as in the days of Gibeah; He will remember their guilt, He will punish their sins."
HOSEA 9:9
What if the Levite had picked the wrong night to visit Gibeah, or S&G? The night some ceremony to some pagan fertility goddess was being celebrated. All were expected to attend to assure a successful harvest. Declining to attend would be unthinkable. But the Hebrews were a peculiar people. The townsfolk were probably roaring drunk by then, and highly pissed off that some snooty foreigners were blowing the ceremony, and risking the town's prosperity. They probably did come calling. Demanding that the hold-outs come and join the fun, or move on. I can see that. When in Rome, or S&G, do as they do.
They probably could've picked their partner, if they hadn't been so uptight to join in the festivities. All they were asking for was a small contribution for the common good. The holy man threw his concubine (sex slave) to the wolves instead. That was generous of him, don't you think? Too bad for her.
Lot escaped to the hills with his 2 daughters before the war broke out, got stinking drunk and knocked them both up in a cave. It was all their fault anyway, as reported in Genesis. They made the poor man get drunk and horny! Old man Lot turn |
