Freedom of Thought

MKULTRA:  

Investigations and Analysis

Part One of Three

It's been awhile since I have discussed my 20 years of investigations into MKULTRA and I thought that I might take some time to go back over the nature of those investigations. People sometimes wonder about my sources or my methods, my general approach to matters and so forth, not all of which has been made, I realized, absolutely clear to date.

Sources are hard to cite for the very reason that MKULTRA operations are now done nearly all by remote, in my experience, anyway. Since the perpetrators don't need to reveal themselves in order to get anything done, they simply don't. It's almost as if your entire world becomes as though you were on the reflective side of a two way mirror. Even the people with whom you become directly involved appear not to know
much at all and themselves are accessed via the synthetic telepathy, rather than themselves being directly conspiratorial in things. It's all a need to know affair, they tell those that they've enlisted next to nothing about what is actually happening, much of it is left for the MKULTRA contactee to figure out for themselves, and they have ways of directing one's thinking away from more critical and thus better informed thinking
anyway. So, in this case, as a volunteer for MKULTRA, I have become my own best source. Bearing that in mind, I try to stick to known facts wherever and whenever possible.

For the longest time there was nothing but to sort of allow all of their attempts to control my mind to sort of wash over me. They were so overwhelming that there was little else that I could do, except to deal with particulars such as modifying their attempts in such ways that allowed me to retain control of my own mind to the greatest extent, no matter how confusing everything else became. In the early days when I was being bombarded with hypnosis and other mind games, I resolved to mostly become an observer to the whole process, and to suspend judgments for as long as necessary, or possible, partly because I became aware that the remote handlers could at any time try to misdirect or disinform such inquiries. It seemed to me then, as it does now, that details wouldbe revealed more through consistencies rather than from odd occurrences. In my minds eye I was always looking for the largest and most permanent framework of an enormous building which was MKULTRA first, before I could begin to see where all of the details actually began to fit.

While they purposely induced partial amnesia with regards to the various psychological and emotional trauma that I'd incurred, and tried to hide all of their programming there as well, daily I would sit and recount the facts as I knew them. I would begin from where it all started and work all the way forward to the present. Partly this was a matter of attempting to ascertain what it was they were up to, but it was also that I needed
to remember everything that I could, and so needed to exercise my memory about all of these unfolding events as objectively as humanly possible. It seldom left me with answers, but continually helped form new questions. The answers it did provide were mostly psychological in nature, how they employed standard techniques in new ways such as behavior modification, subject analysis and testing, hypnosis, I was more than a little lucky to have some background in psychology at the beginning of my investigations.  But to be sure, all of that analysis work became increasingly difficult after the first six months induction period with NASA, difficult because they then began to dismantle my personal life, which has the effect of turning your eyes towards personal problems rather than concentrating on the investigation for which one had purposed oneself.

During those early months of the inductive phase, most of the hard information, details that weren't hidden inside some metaphor or another, came from the KABC Los Angeles and KTLA newsrooms. Even that was mostly by scant mention, seemingly timed to whatever was currently on my mind at the moment. And since it was actually like something of an electronic demon possessed world, it was difficult to even say to
what extent those newsrooms actually knew what was going on. They did mention MKULTRA, Congress, and a few details here and there, but the extent of their knowledge of such things remained unknown to me. It seemed to me at the time that because it was originally NASA, and not the CIA, that the media was willing to be a part of things to some extent or another, and that there were changing politics behind those scenes which I have never really been able to fully understand.

The initial contact was much more forthright, which prior to my induction it would have to have been as I understood so little about their metaphors or other coded references. I was badly traumatized at the time, and they apparently tried to wed the new information to the trauma in such a way that once partial amnesia was induced, that recalling the information would itself begin to retraumatize me, and therefore I would have avoided such recall like the plaque, because I would have associated the one with the other. In fact, that became one of the most difficult hurdles in my investigation. It did quite nearly kill me to remember everything. But remembering everything, some years later, became the only key left to my survival.

End Part One

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