Archives
April 2006
4/26/06
4/22/06
4/22/06
4/22/06
PART 2: "JUST THE FACTS MA'M" OUR/HerSTORY (Nancy's, Mine, & Kaycee's)
4/22/06
Saturday, April 22, 2006
6:20:00 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing NOT REALLY LISTENING BUT HEARING: Melissa Etheridges "I RUN FOR LIFE"
Written by proudlyout2 Blog about this entry |
Add to del.icio.us | 
digg this
6:20:00 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing NOT REALLY LISTENING BUT HEARING: Melissa Etheridges "I RUN FOR LIFE"
PART 2: "JUST THE FACTS MA'M" OUR/HerSTORY (Nancy's, Mine, & Kaycee's)
8 years later (really, 7 when you include Tx time--and not from the point where she was initially Dx'ed (diagnosed Dx = Diagnosis/Diagnose) we were not even thinking about it much at all. THEN CAME HELL MONTH (actually this IS THAT month--the 2nd year anniversary which may be why I'm so damned depressed?).
In April '05, she developed some (best I can describe it, here) sore/pimple-like lesions on the same breast that she had the cancer in. After a few weeks of them spreading & NOT healing we went to our Family Doc. She said that it was probably an infection in the ducts causing this, BUT (AND SHE IS A GREAT DOC). given Nancy's history of a B/C (breast cancer) Dx in the past, SHE WAS NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTACES TAKING ANY CHANCES & ordered a mammogram AND Ultra Sound on that breast (even though Nan had just had those EXACT tests JUST 6 months prior which were ABSOLUTELY--even upon a re-examination by another radiologist AND oncologist---CLEAR & NEGATIVE OF ANY SIGNS OF CANCER). Thank God our family doc had the brains to repeat those tests. Signs of *possible* cancer (never know for sure until a biopsy is done) were found on the subsequent mamo AND ultra sound.
April & May '04 were (still are) a complete blur. First, we had to change oncologist because, not only had we moved, but also because the onc she was 1st seeing decided to leave practice & go into research (great for research; not great for us as we really did like him). Even tho we'd moved an hour away, we were able to stay w/the same practice of Onc's. Nance had seen this one female onc one time before (when her regular onc was out of town) and seemed to like her. That was who she chose out of that practice. FIRST, and this pissed (sorry for sounding like a sailor here, but I'm still HIGHLY PISSED) we had to wait for a *NEW PATIENT APPT.* which took 3 friggen weeks. First appt *seemed* OK, (tho I didn't like this office as much as I liked the one we used to go to...the people there were VERY COLD....ours in our small town was VERY warm). But, the 2nd appt is what blew it totally out of the water first for us.
We went back to the Onc after Nance had her biopsy done (just to make sure it was what it appeared to be on the mamo/ultra sound tests). This lady was so DAMNED COLD....MUCH LIKE ICE....she stood there, expressionless and w/out ANY EMPATHY AT ALL and told us *it's Stage 4* (end-stage cancer). Of course, we were both floored & had lots of questions especially since the ONLY tests she had to go on at this point was the Mamo, Ultra Sound and Biopsy She didn't have ANY body scan's (bone or cat) to find out if the cancer had spread beyond the local breast. Of course, we didn't know much about Stage 4, so we were thinking how could she say it was Stage 4 w/out those tests (our current understanding was that it had to be in DISTANT organs to be Stage 4). AND, just how does one go from Stage 1 - Stage 4 w/out any in-betweens (remember, Nance was really good about her follow-up appts which now were down to 1 year apart...still, she was very vigilent about her OWN body--she found it the first time & went right to the Doc & SHE found it the 2nd time and went to the Doc.). We didn't know until after we had found another Onc that it was considered Stage 4 because it was on the skin & the skin is considered an organ--)yes, we knew that, but of course, you don't think of it that way at the time). After this incident, I wasn't initially pushing Nance for a new Onc, BUT I DID PUSH HER TO AT LEAST GET A 2nd OPINION (but, both of us had decided we DID NOT LIKE this women). OH, and her other comment was NOT the most empathetic as well....she said "we'll do chemo and HOPE for the best." It just didn't seem to us that she was confident in her Tx's. NOT that WE DID NOT WANT HONESTY, but everyone needs to feel there is SOME hope, or at least have an empathetic doc at that time.
Finding a new Onc turned out to be close to a nightmare as well. We went for a 2nd opinion to one (of 2) oncs that were recommended by the Surgeon who did the biopsy. We liked him. Now, that I look back, I think part of the reason we liked him was because he said that Nance had Stage 3B (a little more hope, so we thought), and because he told he couldn't determine if it was Stage 4 until the other tests (Bone/Cat Scans) came back to see if there was any distant Metastases evident on the scans (just what I thought in the 1st place). Another reason we *liked him*, so we were thinking at the time, was that he didn't treat JUST the cancer w/the standard Tx's, but he treated you holistically, sometimes w/ unconventional methods. (Not sure if that's a great idea now, who knows w/cancer or any disease, really). I had asked his nurse AND receptionist if he was taking new patients; both told us yes. When he left the room, Nance & I spent nearly (that what it felt like) 45 minutes waiting for him to return and we were discussing it (switching to him) while waiting for him to return. When he came back in (I suspected he had been standing near the door listening to us...something just told me he was there & I think I even told Nance I thought he was there), the VERY FIRST thing he told us is that, I'm so busy & I heard you talking about switching to me. I am NOT taking ANY new patients at this time. I truly suspect he was discriminating against us was because he *suspected* that we were a lesbian couple (in his office were a bunch of those fundlementalist Jesus pamphlets---you know, the type that tell you the ONLY WAY to heaven is to accept Jesus as your personal savior and *BE SAVED*). HOWEVER, he ACUALLY DID US A HUGE FAVOR IN THE END!
He recommended another onc (Dr. Cody) which was coincidentally, the other onc that the Surgeon recommended to us!!!! We got an appt (ummmm, a NEW PATIENT APPT---remember the 3 weeks we had to wait even tho Nan was a patient w/in the same practice?) w/in 2 DAYS!!!!!!!!! It was at Christ Hospital here in Cincy (only telling you these names incase I ever bring them up in other conversations; you'll at least know what/who I'm talking about, :-) ) It was at the Cancer Center there, which we later found out was NOT ONLY a ONE STOP (not the best term here, but, LOL, you'll understand why I said it) SHOP!!!!!!!! We went there, and basically, by this time, I was saying we were INTERVIEWING docs. As it turned out, we LIKED HIM SO MUCH.....yes, he WAS honest, YES, he DID tell us it WAS Stage 4 (he explained why--the skin thing), BUT, he was hopeful & VERY empathetic at the same time. ALL of the Onc Nurses there were the same. While we were NEVER, EVER, NOT ONCE, given false hope, he would just tell us that, OK, I know this doesn't sound like a good prognosis, but there are Tx's and maybe we can find the one for you. The nurses also told us of ppl (and we got to meet them, so no-one was lying to us) who had survivied Stage 4 for over 8 years; one lady in particular. He ALSO TOLD US THE MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL: *we need to see how far this has spread BEFORE I can discuss anymore w/you about what type of prognosis YOU MIGHT have, AND WE DON'T LIKE TO RELY ON NUMBERS AS CANCER IS A PERSONAL THING; EVERYONE RESPONDS DIFFERENTLY TO CANCER ITSELF AND TO THE TX's! We DO have Tx's that we will have to try to find out if they will respond or not. We can't sit here and tell you this is a death sentence. So, really, the onc who refused us did us a HUGE FAVOR.
Sometime around our 2nd maybe 3rd appt w/Dr. Cody, he brought up a VERY HARD SUBJECT TO HEAR.....but he was empathetic about that as well. Tho we'd never told him we were a lesbian couple, he figured it out (ummmm, like DUH!, LOL---if you knew me/saw me/us you would see the BIG NEON LIGHTS that are on my forehead) and he asked us if we had a medical power of attorney. It WAS hard to hear, but, he was doing us a favor to let us know that we really did need to think about and do it. We already had a (gay male) lawyer (Scott Knox is the best)THANK GOD we did get our affairs in order when we did. I ended up having to make more of her health care decisions MUCH SOONER than I EVER DREAMED I would have to (you will read why further down).
Written by proudlyout2 Blog about this entry |
Add to del.icio.us | digg this
