4:34:07 AM EST
Feeling Frustrated
Hearing None; the TV is on
Keeping up is so hard to do
I thought this would be easy: writing everyday that is. NOT!
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prouldlyout
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3:44:34 AM EST
Feeling Worried
Hearing "I Want Live" John Denver (not listening to, really, but is in my head)
WELCOME TO MY HEART
Welcome to my heart. I used to love writing a journal when I was young; kept one from about 1979-1982 writing almost daily, then from 1982-about the late 90's, I wrote very spuradically (?). I still have most of that old journal somewhere. I read it when I can and get a good laugh out of it. The worries of a teenager are real, but they certainly can't match up to what we must face as an adult. But, I certainly would not put down a teen who is facing anything they think is significant; it IS.
Then again, if anyone would have told me I'd keep a journal on-line someday and become an *open book* for all the world to read, I never would have believed them. To me, a journal was a private thing. In some ways, I still think that. But, they can also be useful for helping others in the same situation you are in or in getting feedback (help) from others in your situation.
Anyway, I guess since this is an *open book* journal, I should at least introduce ourselves. We are a lesbian family.
I am Tracy. Probably the one who will do most of the writing here; though I'm really hoping Nancy and our 18 year old daughter, Kaycee will pop on here once in a while too (though Nance really hates puters :-( )
My partner-n-love-&-life of nearly 12 years now has breast cancer. Her name is Nancy. Actually her current cancer is a reoccurance from 1996. Her origional Diagnosis was Stage 1 Breast Cancer (BC). There was no Lymph Node involvement; the cancer was contained to the breast. She had a Lumpectomy, went through 9 Treatments (Tx) of Chemotherapy, and then about 42 Tx of Radiation. She was considered *cured* after 5 years. But we all get too comfortable now, don't we?
7 years later, it came back w/a vengence! At first it was contained to the breast and the skin of that breast. Then, for some reason, the first type of chemo (Taxol) gave us (what the Oncologist (Onc) termed "mixed results". So, he changed her to weekly doses of Taxatere (supposedly a cousine of Taxol). That seemed to do wonders on the tumor in and on the outside of the breast. Then they do a bone scan only to find out that the cancer had spread to the bones (she does not have bone pain so we are guessing they caught it early).
She also has Congestive Heart Failure, but has had great difficulty breating so we go to her Heart Doc who orders yet another test (the name just skiped my brain), but they found she has a significant amount of water in the paracarial sac around the heart. Tomorrow morning they are going in surgically and cutting window in the sac so that the fluid cannot build up again. The thinking is that the fluid is related to the B/C, but we won't know until the cells are analized.
Those are the facts. I'm like that; can tell the facts. It's talking about what is in my heart that I can't do very well. So, from now on, I'll try to do a better job. I just realized that it's nearly 4a and we need to be at the hospital for Nance's surgery by 9:30a! I just wanted to at least get this started.
Tracy
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