Diary of a Mad Woman

Subject: Mix and match emotions
Time: 12:27:45 AM CDT
Author:  queenb8261
Mood:  Loopy

I am mad, angry, confused, hurt, shocked. I'm a mess of emotions. I can only imagine what Patrick (son in law) and Robin (daughter) are going through.

Patrick's brain surgery was the evening of Wed, May 14th. I had a long entry and like the dumass I am, didn't save it and lost it. I have been so depressed and busy I am just getting back to doing it over. 

The surgery was a success. the tumor and cyst were NOT attached to the brain, like a cancerous one. It just peeled away. It was attached to the nasal bone area but that's  it. The tumor was the size of a large grape and the cyst was the size of a small lemon. It was what was pressing on the optic nerve and his sight is coming back. Thursday he wasn't waking up. They told us sometimes it takes brain patients a little longer to wake up. Friday Malizza (DIL) and I were up there and he was slowly coming around and was very groggy. He does remember bits and pieces of us being there. Saturday he was practically his old self. He has this beautiful black thick hair and they shaved about a 2" strip across the front of his hair line and cut from one side of the other. Took out about a 2x4" pc of his skull. It's quite a scary looking incision. He is wearing a fedora.  He was quite swollen and they have put him on steroids.  He got more  and more agitated. And agressive. On Wed night and Thurs morning he had seizures. I gave Robin the wrong advice when she called me in the middle of the night crying. The nurse told her that he was not in any danger and there was nothing she could do if she came up to the SICU. There are only 4  two hour visitations and they end at 10pm.  I told her NOT to call his parents and wake them if she was going to speak with them early.  Well they went balistic. Her father in law came in and pointed at her and told her "Don't you do anything like that again little girl."  They started treating her rather coldly after that. Butting in when the nurses or dr  came in. Pushing Robin into the background.

To make a long and melodramatic story a little shorter, Patrick is on alot steroids and meds. He became more agressive and easily upset. On Monday they shooed Robin home"to rest." A friend called & asked how Pat was doing since he was discharged. Robin was aghast. She had no idea he was being discharged and they didn't call her. They wanted to "surprise" her. Surprised she was. His parents showed up at their house and collected Patrick's belongings and he told her didn't know if he was still in love with her or didn't know if he wanted to stay married. This little tidbit hit her like a ton of bricks. They have only been married 5 months!!  The next day his mother brought him  by to get some more stuff and some of his papers. He told her he still loved her her and he needed a few days. His family  told her (up at the hospital) that she was acting crazy.WHAT?? She was the calmest one up there when  I was around. HIS MOTHER got it in her head that he had the worst form of brain cancer there is and started looking into places and costs for where all the family was going to stay when Pat had to go to Houston to the MD Anderson Cancer Center. She TOLD her son he had cancer more than once. Robin kept reassuring him that they didn't have the pathology report back yet. (By the way they FINALLY found out that tumor was benign.)

A nurse friend of mine said the steroids are more than likely the main problem along with his family egging it on. Well, he picked one hell of a time to abandon her. They are about to lose their house, they haven't been able to work. I don't have room for her stuff. I guess she could sleep on my couch. She has some friends who have offered her a place to stay, but that isn't going to pay her back rent. She said she has been praying and reading her bible and a daily devotinal book and has decided to turn it to God and that she has a feeling there is a reason that everything is happening like it is. I'm afraid I'm not quite that understanding. I have been praying about it. But everytime I talk to her she ends up crying hysterically and all I want to do is call her inlaws and ask them what the hell is wrong with all of them. I never cared much for Pat's parents but I gave them the benefit of the doubt, not knowing them..I'm staying out of it for now. FOR NOW. LOL

As for myself, my husband has reccoved pretty well from his surgery. He's back to work. The 3  wounds that I had on my toes and went to Wound Center for back in the beginning of April (I am still going every Friday) are doing a lot better but I got a new one and it got bad pretty fast. I had to have 2 skin grafts and I have a feeling I'll be having another one. Jeeze I want to be WOUND free. Ya know?

And now the latest Lubbock weather event. LOL We have already had temps in the 100s. UGHH! Last night about half through American Idol, the lights started flickering. Then the electricity went out completely! Talk about pist. Then this ungodly wind and dirt came blowing through with a roar. Usually these precede a thunderstorm. It thundered a few times but the wind and dirt just got worse. The girls freaked out, afraid it was a tornado. Tom has a weather radio chnnel on his work radio so we turned it on and it was just called for winds....in the 70mph range. Robin was here so I had her take the girls to the bathroom that's in the middle of our house and try to keep them calm. Shelby got so upset she threw up. The electricity was off about 30 min so we got to see the end of American Idol. Didn't have any wind damage ourselves.  Seems the worst of the wind damage was about 4 mils north of us. Demolished the roof of a car wash, uprooted some huge trees, and actually downed an airforce training jet. There were 2 flight instructors in it and they safely crash landed just north of our airport. Is that wild??

And last but certainly not least, Shelby had a recognition ceremony at school yesterday and received an award for her accomplishment in the Accelerated Reader's program. She couldn't even read, really, last August. She is doing fantastic now!

 I thought I was coming out of my depression, but things with Robin, things with my feet and other things seem to have cast me back. A good vacation would help a  lot I think. Rich told me to check on tickets for a show I want to see in Vegas, but I'm susre it is sold out wayyyy in advance.

Thanks for listening to my rant. I've been reading journals a few at a time. I don't always have time to comment. I love you all. Hope things are going well with you and yours.

 

 

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Subject: More Runaround
Time: 5:07:20 AM CDT
Author:  queenb8261
Mood:  Quiet

Well, Happy BELATED Mother's Day to all you Moms out there. the ones with teeny ones,  toddlers, tweens, teens, young adult & adults. Those of you with fur babies, water babies, and feathered babies. I hope your day was happy & full of love.

I should have updated sooner, as we thought Patrick was going to have surgery last Thursday. The DR pulled out for some reason. We assume it's because of the crappy insurance they have. After going from one DR to another it finally ended up that one of the first DRs that they'd seen.But he wasn't available for a week.  Patrick was admitted to the hospital last Thursday I think it was. They didn't dismiss him.  His blood pressure was a little high so they kept him. He was on some IV medicaction for a couple of days.

Tomorrow (Monday,the 12th) they are going to do an angiogram on his brain. I don't know why. My DIL who is a nurse said it's to kind of map out his brain, see where the major blood vessels are etc. Supposedly surgery will be Thursday. I pray that it isn't the kind of tumor they suspect it is. If it is, I have a good friend who is a  nurse and she said it's the worst there is.

All in all I had a good Mother's Day, considering Robin & Patrick couldn't be here.  Tommy and the girls were were here. Richard is going back to work Monday. I think it's too soon. I don't tthink he is well enough. He spent most of Sat. in be because he he felt so bad. But we'd gone to the DR last week & he gave him the green light to go ahead. I hope he takes it as easy as he can. 

  Well, it's late. I hope to be able to go up to the hosp tomorrow. It will depend on if I am babysitting and how my feet feel. Finished those last 7 shots. Almost all 3 of my wounds are almost healed. Well, the infected one has way to go but is SO much better.

Again, I hope you all are having a wonderful Spring and that life is treating you well. I  miss you. I miss reading  about your lives. Take care of yourselves.

Love y'all bunches.

(Thanks for the tag Chris)

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Subject: Not much better news....
Time: 4:47:13 AM CDT
Author:  queenb8261

Sorry to my BFF Robin for not mentioning her great card that she sent trying to lift my spirits. I meant to mention it in the last entry and feel bad that I  didn't. She's a rock for me.

I just have a quick update. My daughter & son in law (Robin & Patrick) have been getting the runaround for days. One doctor referred them to another. He's out of town. Go to another DR. He agrees to do the surgery but doesn't take their insurance. All this kind of shit. I'm serious. I don't know how they didn't keep from pulling their hair out. TONIGHT(Wed,) they finally got a call from the surgeon they wanted (I think) and he is admitting Patrick into the hospital Thursday morning. They didn't tell him nothing after midnight, so I'm assuming they will do his surgery Friday. Patrick has had more tests and they told him it "LOOKS" like a glioblastoma multiforme. If that is true, it's really bad. I have just been reading about it. Most everything is over my head so I'll just have to depend on Robin to keep me informed.  I don't think the survival rate is that high even with surgery, radiation and chenmo.  So we  pray it isn't that.

   The Dr put me on 7 more days of shots. The staph is gone gone not it's something else. If  it's not  one thing it's 10 others. Well, its getting late. I better sign off for now. Please remember us in  your prayers.

Love you all. Barb

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Subject: What A Week!
Time: 6:22:37 AM CDT
Author:  queenb8261

Hi Everyone. Long time no write I know. I probably wouldn't be writing right now, but a few wonderful friends have written me asking how things are going so I thought I would set down a little update.

Not much has changed. I'm still in the grip of the depression that sometimes just won't let go no matter what I do. I live with it. I have a DR appt Tues (I hope to make it to it...more on that in a second.)I think I need some new antidepressants or something.The 2nd toe on my right foot that looked infected, but didn't have a wound just kept gradually getting work. When it finally looke like a purple vienna sausage, started to spread and the rest of my foot started to swell, I decided to go to a Wound Care Center. I won't go into any graphic details about what they have been doing. Suffice it to say the toe was definitely infected. I go once a week till they"heal" the wounds. There are 3 of them. Slow going.

Besides my own health we're tending to Richard's now. He's had blood in his urine. GP finally sent him to Urologist. They found this bubble kind of thing on his bladder that he keeps his bladder from emptying completely.(Called it a diverticula). Can cause  infection and likely to become cancerous. He also had a swollen prostate. His surgeries are causing him so much pain. He had surgery Monday. I was up at the hospital for about 14 hours. I came home and just collapsed. I don't know what happened to me, if I was just exhausted. I missed a couple doses of medication and didn't eat until 4pm. When I got home I had a panic attack or something. It could have been my blood sugar, exhaustion, stress...or a combination of all. I started crying and shaking and just lost it. I missed his DR coming in twice today. I don't know when they are going to let him go home. The nursing staff is unbelieveable. His nurse yesterday, I'm not sure she was even qualified. Today he couldn't get a nurse in his room to save his life. He'd ask for his pain medication and it always took 30 minutes to an hour for him to get IT! They have a menu and you order your meals whenever you want to eat between certain hours. They told him last night when he ordered his dinner if he wanted his breakfast early to go ahead and order his breakfast and tell them what time to bring it it (7am).  HE NEVER GOT IT. They called the kitchen but they STILL never did send it. He did get his lunch. An hour after he ordered it and didn't even order dinner. What a stupid system. Tonight with the pain pill, same thing. I asked when he'd had his pain meds and he said this afternoon. I said "WHY HAVEN'T YOU ASKED FOR ANY AGAIN." He said it takes so long IF he ever gets it. I had him call & ask for pain med. 45 min later when it hadn't arrived, he wanted to take a walk, so we walked to the nurse's station and noone acted like they even knew he'd call for it. BS!! She got his shot and gave it to him right there (in the arm). So that's where we are now. I stayed till about 9:30 pm.

I had a DR appointment with my reg DR this morning. Just a diabetes check up and lab work drawn. Tom took off work to back me up with caring for Kenzie. I couldn't have done it without him. Thank you God for giving us healthy children and grandchildren. 

We got some very upsetting news today also. Our daughter's(Robin) husband (Partrick) got an extremeley bad headache at work last week. SO bad they took him to the hospital. During the exam they found Patrick has lost about 90% of his sight in his righ eye. We don't know if it happened that day or over the passing of time. They dud an MRI on him Monday. They went in for the resu;ts thiss mrning. Seems he has brain tumor. Actuall there is a a small cyst behind eye leaking into the tumor or something like that. I never caught up with Robin. We played phone tag all day. She did talk to Richard, They are doing CT scan all Rover hin to see if there are any tumors of any kind, any where else. They are so upset. We all are of course. All we can do is hope and pray that this benign. Sure sounds scary.

When I thought of writing an entry a couple of days ago, it was becaue of onr of my Jland friends had a baby girl. I'm SO excited for then.  The same day I read that, I find another Jland friend had lost her Father. So you see I've had a plate full of emotions for quite a whi.e  Say a prayer for all of you care about in this little corner of the Internet, and if you don't pary I hope you'll hold out positive thoughts myf friend and family.

Good night & thanks for lisstening.. OH, I forgot~~ I got the sweetest postcad

r asking about me & the family from Matha  ( I think her journal  is private) and a dear friend, Lisa whose journal is also private because some people can't keep their opinions to themselves. I hope this week doesn't fall on any of those trolls. LOL

Take care all. Hope to be back soon.

Much  luv.

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Subject: St Patty's (a day late)
Time: 1:16:00 AM CDT
Author:  queenb8261
Mood:  Quiet

 

Happy Belated St. Patty's Day. Being half Irish I couldn't let it go by without wishing the JLANDERS  a good day & the luck of the Irish. Just took me a while to get to it.

  I'm sorry I'jm not ready to come back to JLAND on a regular basis. I've read a few entries, haven't always had the tine to comment. Know I haven't forgotten you and I pray you won't forget ne. I WILL be back, I just don't know when. I'm not trying to be mysterious or make anyone worry. I'm just in the midst of one of my depressions anr it takes a while to get out of it. I need a therapist. Soon.

Love you all. I'll br back.

Hugs Barb

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Subject:   Taking a Journaling Break
Time: 12:30:31 AM CST
Author:  queenb8261
Mood:  Sad

This will be my last entry  (not like I make so many) for a little while.I'm in the midst of some things going on in my life that I won't bore your with. Health. Depression. Too much to do. Not enough hours in the day, etc. 

I wish I coul drive out to the airport (alone) and park my car in long term parking and get on the first plane out of  this shithole. Ha. Yeah, that's gonna happen.

I''m turning of alerts. Cleaning out my mailbox. Then I don't know what.

See you soon. You know I won't be able to stay away for too long cuz I love y'all.

 

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Subject: Happy VD! LOL
Time: 3:33:58 AM CST
Author:  queenb8261
Mood:  Chillin'

Hello everyone and HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. I hope everyone gets the candy or flowers or jewelry that you all so richly deserve. I'm up late as I haven't had time to be on the computer all day. Had a bit of sad news today. My cousin's 46 yr old son recently  passed away. Never have been close to then since I moved to KS. But SO young to die. My sister in law sent me the obit. We don't know what happened to him. He served 25 yrs in the US Air Force. Made his (late) Dad SO proud.

Went to  Target to finish up shopping for the girls. I feel so bad because I didn't even get my DH anything. He bought me a pinkie ring I've had my eye on for months. It's a little bow encrusted with tiny diamonds. My original wedding ring was a bow with a 1/3 carat diamond making the knot.  Of course I outgrew it during my childbearing years. Went overboard and probably got the girls too much candy. Buuuut. Their parents can dole it out.

 Monday was 72 degrees F. Tomorrow the high is supposed to be 32F I think And a chance of snow. Brrrr. I just bought a summer dress for Shelby today. LOL

Tom is taking Calico Calli to the vet in the early a.m. for the surgical removal of her tail. It is just dead.  They should be able to leave a little bobtail for her. She is NOT gonna be a happy camper. The back door is shut and she cannot get out to roam and hunt.   Tom caught her the other morning about  7am carrying another Dove in her mouth. Ugh. He said  it was pretty yucky.

             Again Happy Valentine's Day . Love you all. Wish I could give all a box of chocolates, but since I can't.....I'll just eat a couple for ya.

Hugs.....Barb

                  

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Subject: Nice Matters Award
Time: 12:41:04 AM CST
Author:  queenb8261
Mood:  Happy

 

Thank you Lisa,  http://journals.aol.com/randlprysock/AdventuresFromFlorida/

for honoring me with this little award. I told my husband about it. He said, "Who gave you this award?  Strangers?" LOL I think he might have been implying I'm not very nice. I just gave him a one finger wave and said "thanks honey." LOL

If you don't know Lisa. Check out her journal. You get a workout just READING about her life and family. She has the strength and stamina of teenager. She does SO much good for her children, home and community. I don't know how she does all that she does with only 24 hours in a day. They've just relocated and had a tough time going through that. Never did she waiver or lose faith.

Now I think what I am supposed to now is pass this award onto 6 journalers who deserve the NICE MATTERS award. HOW??? I don't think I have ever met a mean or ill willed person in Jland. Some are funny. Some are amazing writers. Some are true artists with words, pictures, stories, poems. Some are here to pour our their hearts. JLand is such an astonishing place to me. It's not fair that EVERYONE isn't given the Nice Matters award. In no way should anyonr feel slighted. Some of my very best friends here in JLAND have already received this award, so I'll be trying to pick a few of  you who haven't. Of course, I don't read every journal ( I wish i could.) Some may be repeated. Please come copy your Nice Matters award and  put it in your journal.

First Andi--It's A Dog's Life  She's smart, witty and hilarious. I love her to death. Check out the antics at her house with her little animal family.

Second  RUSS~Inner and Outer Demons  I think Russ is one of my favorite people in JLAND. He's open, honest and has a sense of humor that makes me smile in almost every entry. PLUS sometimes he even graces us with the cartoons he draws.

Third  Chris~A Day in the Life  Chris is another one of my favorite people. She always finds time to check in with me, even with her busy life. She's a fantastic Mom of some great kids and does she ever have some tales to tell. She also does the PSP making graphics and sharing them. I wouldn't have half the graphics I do without Chris. Love ya gal.

Fourth  Dwana Moonlight Drive  Dwana is a hoot. She loves the same kind of books I read and we have a lot in common. She too has that sense of humor that comes across SO well on the page.

Fifth   Sandra`s Scribbles  Sandra lives in England and EVERYTHING about her journal just fascinates me. I've  always wanted to travel so I live vicariously through her. LOL She has the most beautiful black lab named Jake. I have a dog named Jake. Her son in law is from Russia and when they travel there the photos she comes back with are breathtaking. She has a darling grandson and we are blessed with tales of his antics and his handsome photos from time to time.

Sixth  ROBIN~Tales of a Trailer Park Princess! I know she's already gotten the Nice Matters. But she's my special BFF. She is one of the strongest women I know. You know like...she can bring home the bacon & fry it up in a pan (if she has to.) She's funny as hell.She's a military life, living one of the most stressful lifestyles on earth. I love her journal. She shares photos and stories of her life with wit & wisdom that should be put down on paper. I love her to pieces.

So there's my list of 6 I feel bad I can only choose 6 as I read MANY journals and they are ALL nice and everyone I'vre met in JLAND deserves this award. There are a lot of journals that are private so I haven't mentioned any of them so as to respect their privacy. You all know who you are and that I give you this award too. Thanks again Lisa for the award, Bless all of you. Love you guys.

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Subject: Broken Tail of a Cat
Time: 4:49:03 PM CST
Author:  queenb8261
Mood:  Chillin'



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Subject: January is already nearly over! Slow down world!!
Time: 2:17:18 AM CST
Author:  queenb8261
Mood:  Quiet
Music:  Pink Floyd

She got her first tooth (look closely. LOL )

    Barb

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