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7:32:00 AM EDT
Readings in Pomposity
I was recently ousted from a pompous dinner party because of an innocent mistake. I had committed a basic faux pas, by using my salad fork to eat my steak. I was humiliated in front of a dozen guests. The hostess did not expressly ask me to leave, but as the evening went on, I found my self frozen out of all conversation. More painfully, no one laughed at my jokes. I was forced to make a polite excuse, and leave the party early.
From this experience, I knew I needed an education in the area of pomposity. I went to the city library to find some books on the subject. I was surprised by the number and variety of books I found.
Some of the more advanced books are large and heavy, and seem to demand much effort from the serious reader. These include Baldwin Gallstone's Pomposity: Theory and Practice, and Phineas J. Dickerson's Pomposity and Dissent. The most daunting may be Deconstructing Humility, by Werner Von Dunkelweiss, who was known for giving away paintings of himself as house-warming gifts.
Malthus D. Fink wrote several popular books which are easier to read. These include Pomposity for Numbskulls, The Salesman's Guide to Pomposity, and Pomposity for Corporate Managers. Each of these books emphasizes the difference between true Pomposity and mere pretense. Fink also wrote an article for the November 2001 issue of Pomposity Weekly, entitled "Pretense: A Short, Summary Dismissal".
An expert source has told me that several well-known works that have been recently discredited. These include Joe-Bob Bertollini's Pomposity and the Coming Macedonian Invasion, Buffy Drombeck's Pomposity on a Budget, and Artemis O' Quimby's Aztec Pomposity in Modern Times. Edward Shore's Pomposity at a Crossroads raises some important criticism of post-modern Pomposity, but it contains some rather astonishing grammatical errors.
I decided to start my reading with Pomposity for Numbskulls, which is illustrated with some helpful cartoons. I am already confident that my next pompous dinner party will go much better than the last one did.
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Very enjoyable story. A laugh I needed. -
I love your sense of humor...you picked the book to read that I would have! I'm always dropping food on my blouse or top. It never fails...only one or two drops but somehow they just happen. I tend to trip and drop things....this weekend on the 3DAY Cancer walk I pulled the chain on my friend's borrowed eyeglass case to close the zipper on my fanny pack and it pulled the eyelet right out! This is the same friend who while I was visiting in college I spilled hot chocolate all over her dorm bed by accident. We are still friends and we laugh about all this stuff alot! Good luck with your table manners!
http://journals.aol.com/gotomaria/TheLittleThings/ -
Or you could just ask a Girl Scout--or maybe Lassie--to instruct you about silverware. Love the author names. - Karen
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Don
This is great! I am going put "Gallstone's Pomposity: Theory and Practice" on my summer reading list! :)
Always, Carly :)
7/26/05 3:16 AM
Sorry it took me so long to read this entry, I have to say I enjoyed it a lot.
Alan