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Wrathbone's Assault
I have now given up all hopes of running for public office. Mister Ashton K. Wrathbone, a man of considerable means, decided to hire some private detectives to dig up dirt on me. The detectives apparently learned much about me, including many incidents which I had forgotten until now. Mister Wrathbone wrote a mean-spirited expose about me. He had nothing good to say. He published the attack recently in the You Norker, a quarterly of Wrathbone's own founding. It is dedicated to character assassination of minor figures in the art world. (Mr. Wrathbone's publication is not to be confused with the respected literary magazine of long standing, and of coincidentally similar name.) Here is what Mr. Wrathbone wrote:
Donald Quicksoap is a cultural abomination. His recent desecration of a respected art gallery was only one of a long stream of offenses against Western Civilization. His very existence is an affront to all human societies, literate and pre-literate. He should be jailed, so that we should all be done with him, posthaste.
Quicksoap has befouled the halls of traffic court thirty-six times in the past eighteen months. He habitually drives his lurching, smoke-belching 1970 Cadillac without proper registration. His vehicle, an abominable rust-bucket blunderbuss, is eighteen feet from bumper to bumper, and backfires once for every minute it runs. Local police naturally gravitate to this spectacle, summarily ticketing Quicksoap for registration violations, and disturbance of the peace. Quicksoap once attempted to avoid a ticket by claiming he was being kidnapped. The police officer was not convinced, given that Quicksoap was alone and driving his own car at the time.
Quicksoap's miserable automotive circumstances have led him to harass producers of the Oprah Winfrey Show, hoping he could receive a new car free of charge. A restraining order is in effect against Quicksoap, barring him from further contact with the show. One producer said, "It was Quicksoap's whining, nasal, 'pleeeease' that really got on our nerves".
Quicksoap was once nearly arrested for theft. An unidentified man in a long black overcoat sold Quicksoap a small girl's bicycle in front of a public library. When the owner of the bicycle, a young girl of seven, saw Quicksoap halfway down the block on her prized pink bicycle, she shrieked, and a librarian called the police. Quicksoap was saved from arrest when he produced a handwritten receipt from the unidentified man, whose handwriting was already known to them.
At the same library as the bicycle incident, Quicksoap managed to upset an entire staff of librarians when he was researching pomposity. His choice of words was so insensitive that the librarians felt he was accusing them of being pompous. This led to a scuffle with the head librarian, a rather tall and gruff woman of Norwegian descent. Quicksoap was barred from borrowing books from the library, and was forced to falsify his writing on the subject of pomposity.
In a world of decency, common sense, and proper breeding, Quicksoap would be a pathetic and nauseating anathema. In the real world, he is simply disgusting, in all conceivable categories of merit. His example gives ammunition to philosophical misanthropes the world over.
Having read this, and copied it into this journal, I have become angry. I will be doing some research on Mister Ashton K. Wrathbone and his publication. Readers of this journal will be the first to know the true nature of Wrathbone and his attacks.
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LOL.
Welcome back! :)
Carly :) -
I note with interest that nowhere in this entry do you actually deny the charges.
Karen
3/1/06 6:25 PM
Mrs. L
http://journals.aol.com/jevan