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Subject: Back With Bad News
Time: 3:47:00 AM CDT
Author: rampage841512
Mood: Crushed
Music: "Paint It Black" by The Rolling Stones
It seems the only time I update this blog is when I'm not doing too good. So my relationship with Cheryl is over, and I think this time for good. I've tried and tried but it's just not good enough. I wanted things to work out between us, but nothing ever changes. She's unhappy and refuses to do anything about it. She just runs away from her problems. I can't be with someone like that anymore.
We recently moved into seperate places, and things were good for about a week and half, and then they started down hill again. Last night we ended up in a fight. It came down to her saying she wanted us to spend time apart so she could get her life together, figure out what she wants, and what will make her happy. If she has to figure it out, it's obviously not me.
I told her she should do that, but I wasn't waiting. I couldn't wait for her anymore. I told her to look me up if she ever gets her life straight. I don't think that will happen. I also told her to not dare ever blame me for us not working out. I put way too much effort into making things work to take the blame. I understand she has a lot of problems to work out and deal with, but I'm not going to suffer because of it any more. I'm tired of giving 90 and only getting 10 back.
I don't know what exactly will happen now. I'm going to probably have to deal with a lot of sadness and depression. I just hope I'm better equipped this time. Hopefully I can move on from this pain a little sooner, but maybe not. It hasn't hit me to bad yet, but it will. I'm not looking forward to that.
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Your perspicacity and level-headedness in this situation is just astounding. Whenever I go through drama like this, I’m always too caught up in my emotions to see things as clearly as you do. I mean, wow. You’ve already got things straight in your mind, so it’s sort of hard for me to have much to say.
I do have one thing, though. Once I got dumped—hard—and I expected a lot of pain to come. I even tried to convince myself that I was really upset. I wasn’t, and that wave of pain and depression I’d been expecting to hit me just never came. It was really weird, because the guy and I were pretty good together.
Anyway, the point I’m trying to get at is that the depression may come, or it may not. I’m hoping for your sake that it doesn’t.
MUAH.
-Ave
6/14/08 3:32 PM