Raven's Lament

Today was exhilerating and exhausting at the same time. My new 45lb addition is quite energetic. Although she is just as tired as I am at the moment. The training itself is not really that hard, learning to handle her and being the boss is ! I wouldn't trade it for the world . Pickles is far more beautiful , than her pictures let on. She has bonded with me from the moment we looked into one another's eyes for the first time. I can't tell you how much she reminds me of myself. Abandoned in a storm , having to fight for herself. Not unlike my own life , having left home at 16 and dealing with abuse, drugs , and alcohol. If anyone tells you , there is no hope......Tell them when they find it within themselves, it's there in abundance.

I guess that's the essence of it all. Life is a struggle, a journey with so many different paths. Quite simple really, we have to learn to survive and have faith in ourselves . No, I'm not always this optimistic. I have had my days, horrible ones in fact. Some days I curse the fact , I have to be deaf. Someone asked me if I believe in God??!!?, I believe in the Creator in Indian terms. Someone who created the world we live in and let humans make their own descions and mistakes. But God.....I once said if there was one, he was one cruel son of a b****. My own humble opinion of course. I have my reasons, I feel as though I've lived a lifetime already. I'm not even halfway there. I guess it was everything that I survived and went through in my life...it was the final straw going totally deaf. To me I deserved a break and instead I got that final kick in the head.

Ughh!!!! Enough of the pity party, I am so far beyond that now.  I'm just tired. You ever get like that? Tired and Philosophical. I do and it tends not to be the best combination. Shhhh..........the big 45lb baby , finally crashed. She is so adorable she has a dental bone held between her paws, and you can just see the gentle rymth of her breathing. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you - Pickles and I are leashed together for a minimum of two weeks.

Nope not kidding at all. Inside and out. The only break we get from the leash is when I'm in the shower. And you want to know why I'm exhausted? Try having a 45lb dog pulling on you 24-7. She has to understand I'm it, I'm her whole world. She works for me, lives with me. I'm the only one who can feed her, walk her,  anything. It's a huge responsibility , but well worth it. When all is said and done I'll have an extra pair of ears as well as a lovable mug to hug and love. K, I'm through blowing steam on this page.  Thank You! From my spirit to yours stay safe and loved !!

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• #5 Comment from dkb11161970 
  2/12/07 1:22 PM | Permalink

  my 5 yr old black lab, Shaddow, is so sweet and gentle, my good girl.  we've been together since she was a coupla months old.  she's small for a lab, but big for a dog (65 lbs).  she helps me in all sortsa ways, but mostly with comfort.  my friend's seeing eye dog, dickens, is also a black lab mix.  dickens is getting a tad old, and is more or less retired (now considered a family pet, more so than a working dog).  he is just as dignified as the day i first met him!  hope you and pickles have a wonderful journey together!  grins, debra
• #4 Comment from bojgill4375 
  12/20/06 10:51 PM | Permalink

  Life is something that we can't understand many times.  Sorry that I can not give you any answers for that.  There are many hurting people in this world.  I have had some very stressful times in my life time, but yet through it all I have been very blessed.  I can see, hear, walk, talk, and make my own choices in life.  I think one of the hardest things in life would be to not be loved by someone, if only one.  I am so glad that you have your dog.  I love my dogs!  If I didn't have them I would have missed MANY smiles, laughter, and joy.  They give me joy.  It sounds like you have a wonderful dog.  I can just see her in my mind looking and worrying over you.... so cute!  My wish for you is that you have many joy filled days with your dog.... and wishing you a joy filled Christmas.
• #3 Comment from cacklinrosie101 
  12/16/06 8:08 PM | Permalink

  Powerful message...I love your line of thinking.  Must be difficult being leashed but the end result will be wonderful.  HUGS Chris
• #2 Comment from xxroxymamaxx 
  12/16/06 10:45 AM | Permalink

  Wow, that is really neat.  I'm excited to hear all about your new journey with Pickles. Thanks for sharing her.  Hugs, Shelly
• #1 Comment from nightmaremom 
  12/14/06 11:45 PM | Permalink

  Thanks for the invite!  I'm looking forward to reading more.  My sister is partially deaf and uses two hearing aids.  My great nephew as well.  I emailed you from my tag name about the pictures :(  Maybe this link will help.
  http://journals.aol.com/journalseditor/magicsmoke/entries/2005/12/15/how-to-add-photos-step-by-step/934
  Make sure you are saving as gif files.  If you need help let me know.
  d