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12:49:00 PM EDT
Feeling Frustrated
Hearing The June Spirit "Lost In Translation"
April's Ghost
So where have I been, ummm.....lost in contemplation perhaps, or just needing to retreat into my otherwise silent world for a bit to breathe. This past month has been harrowing to say the least, so many changes and dreams. Wishing for one more than the other, but in essence you take what life hands you. Then something comes along giving me more breathing room, allowing me to know to some degree, I'm on the right path; even when I fail to believe enough in myself.
What in the world am I talking about? It seems I've won my second Artsy Essay Contest by Judith Heartsong (See previous entry to read "Emergence" if you haven't already). I was delighted and surprised at this news. It couldn't have come at a better time. Sigh...at the moment, I seem to be currently struggling with a few changes I tried to install in my computer. It would help to remember in this instance, I'm NOT computer savvy at all. Everything I've learned thus far has been with trial and error. I seem to have taken care of a few glitches to keep it running, if I can just ignore the waves that I get when I move my screen up or down.....(Yes, I'm laughing).
Ahh, but isn't that just like life? Never predictable and always having something to throw in the mix to make it interesting. I'll be the first to honestly say, at this very moment I want to choke the living daylights out of the essence, of what it's given to hindering me with. A little obtuse in the explanation...always, it's how my mind is working at the moment, either madly slow or full driven into madness. In simpler terms, I've fallen into one of the in between phrases in my life I talked about in my entry "The In Between Space" (Could I be any more obvious with the titleto that one?) , not quite where I want to be - yet it's so close almost within my grasp. Patience has never been, nor will it ever be one of my strong points. So it's here I find myself in limbo pretty close to trashing my computer in frustration. (Don't worry that won't happen, I'll shell out what little money I do have to get it fixed if need be). Hmm...I'm not quite ready to give up on it yet - the computer or life's obstacles.
If I really wanted to be absolutely, painfully, honest with myself...I have an anniversary coming toward the end of this month. Ironically, I'm not dreading it as I have in previous years. I am however wishing to speedily get it over with, rather than have it looming in my horizon. An accomplishment of sorts - it encompassed so much of my life, some days I feel like a babe left to the elements. It was my crutch, my painkiller, my best friend for the longest time. I'm afraid that's all I'm willing to allow to escape, my haunted memories at the moment. However, I will promise before the date, to allow you space in my head temporarily to understand a little more of this babble I'm writing. I guess I just wanted to come on-line and let my gentle readers and friends know, I'm ok. A little lost at the moment...but sometimes you have to lose yourself to find your way. I think if I ever did get a grasp on my life, I would be frightfully bored. In the process of trying to fix a few glitches in this box (I can't find a single polite word for my computer, right now), my Reader service went haywire right along with it. It's back to normal at the moment, but I lost all the alerts. So.....I'll try to catch up on everyone here and there as I find time on-line. Am I coming back to journals yet? Soon...just let me get my mind wrapped around what I need to deal with right now. Thanks for hanging in there with me, and once again thank you Judith for choosing my entry as last months winner. Stay safe and loved!
If I could only find the words
There's so many in my mind
None of them fit just like you describe
How I feel.....The June Spirit "Lost in Translation"
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Where have I been also, lol? Out of state and trying to catch up on some journal entries. I hope your week has been great!
xoxo -
(((((((((Indigo, as always, proud of you Sistah)))))))))) Teresa
http://journals.aol.com/stetsonsfyre/remembering-to-exhale/ -
I've been doing computer-ish stuff for as long as I can remember but I STILL don't feel computer savy. Definitely not savy with html and putting stuff on my blog.
Love,
Jamie -
Very Many Congratulations on your win ,I am not at least surprised ...love Jan xx
4/22/08 5:55 PM
Gillie
http://journals.aol.com/ekgil