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5:29:00 PM EDT
Feeling Mischievous
Hearing Velvet Underground "I'll Be Your Mirror"
Beauty Fades, Just Ask The Mirror
I can feel the sting of the water on my skin as I shower the days dirt and grit off, the feeling is familiar and distant at the same time. As I dry off and accidentally rub the towel over my knees and the various cuts and scrapes I wince. Here and there I can see a small bruise from banging around in the shed and mowing the lawn. One of my knees begins bleeding...for a moment I stare as memories come flooding back, suddenly the bruises seem far larger and foreboding. I blink myself out of my reverie and begin laughing, not the insane hysterical laughter you would expect from someone who is hurt; the kind of laughter made of mirth that comes bubbling up from deep within you.
Those days of being covered with ugly bruises and cuts seem so far, yet so close. I never imagined in my lifetime I would find amusement with my carelessness producing scrapes and bruises. Perhaps inside I recognize the difference in the marks on my body/in me...The latest menagerie isn't life threatening, it's wholesome digging in a garden and literally burying myself in my surroundings; enjoying the beauty of the day around me. I can't help but smile thinking what a world of difference in a mere five years.
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched ... but are felt in the heart." Helen Keller
I use the towel to wipe away the steam on the mirror and study the face looking back at me. A friend of mine had earlier today complained about not being happy with how she looked (I can't leave a link as she is private). As I studied my features in the mirror I thought about my response to her; I had said, "I don't see beauty when I look in the mirror. I don't even see pretty, I see character." I see the tiny little lines around my eyes and mouth, I see a face who has known pain and survived. My face wears the character of who I was, who I'm becoming. It's as individual and unique as my personality. When did I grow in character to surpass that strange fascination we have with how we look, how others perceive us?
I realize it's not just my reflection in the mirror I've noticed, I see the character in just about everyone these days. Maybe it's because of my deafness, I'm shut off from distractions of noise and truly see with my eyes the full picture in front of me. I see the hand movement and the little nuances each individual has with their way of speaking. I see the person as a whole, not their beauty, hair or even clothing. As they talk you see their eyes light up with the smile, or the pain that darkens their face with sorrow or distress. I see beauty in an unconventional way, to me it comes out in compassion, empathy even in your pain. It's not about looks or the latest fashion, it's about what is going on in your mind, your actions.
The beauty of the spirit and heart, embracing all those qualities that are uniquely yours in personality and behavior to me is far more lasting than an image portrayed back from a mirror. The next time you look in a mirror don't look for what's wrong, look for your character/your story and smile for no one else can be a Doppelganger to that my friend. Over time beauty fades, the heart remains. (How did I scrape myself originally? I have bricks that surround my garden, ripped jeans at the knees and being distracted...I'm sure you can figure out the rest. I'm a tomboy in the garden, I don't exactly imitate a delicate little lady out there. I tend to get down into the dirt on hands and knees and dive in.)
Velvet Underground "I'll Be Your Mirror"
Ill be your mirror
Reflect what you are, in case you don't know
Ill be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
cause I see you
I find it hard to believe you don't know
The beauty that you are
But if you don't let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness, so you wont be afraid
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
cause I see you
Ill be your mirror
Written by rdautumnsage Blog about this entry |
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I am often surprised by what I see in the mirror. Good and bad! :)
Gillie
http://journals.aol.com/ekgillen/Gillie/ -
Like Connie, I am always surprised by the mirror, except I'm about 19 years old(in my dreams). it's not that I mind being older but perhaps as I am getting older I know that who I am really is on the inside and can't be seen except by people who really know me.
When you have suffered in such a visual way you wonder how 'true to you' a mirror can be.
Brave of you to share.
Mairie
http://journals.aol.co.uk/mairiegelling/word-in-the-hand/ -
I am new to J-Land and find your insight not only enlighting, but beautiful. You see the beauty in this world that others miss.
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You have come a long way :-)
I remember the Velvet Underground - I even still have an album by them, lol!
xoxo
6/19/08 8:53 PM
what a beautiful, beautiful entry! My favorite part was where you talked about
how much you have grown and how much beauty, love and joy you experience now inside! wow! how beautiful!
My next favorite is your mention of Helen Keller one of my all time favorites!
love,natalie