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1:12:00 AM EST
Feeling Mischievous
Hearing I'm deaf this is highly unlikely!
My first ever entry
Now that I'm starting this I'm drawing a complete blank...... That'll be the day me speechless. And there you have it in a nutshell. I'm deaf not dumb. I can be highly intellectual when the mood strikes.I'm what they call late deafened. You ever realize how they have these neat little induendo's these days to try to politely describe everything? Anyhow, what that means is I used to be able to hear. I started losing my hearing around the age of 5 and continued to lose it until I went completely deaf 2years ago this Jan.
The complete silence even 2 years later is still new to me. Some days I don't think I'll ever entirely be comfortable with it. To describe my world just a little bit, so you have a general idea where I'm coming from; It sucks! What?? Please don't expect me to putty foot around it and act as if it's a gift and my destiny. For me it's just a fact of life. I'm deaf, the world doesnt revolve around me nor would I want it to. Basically I sometimes feel as though I've fallen through the cracks between two descriptive types of deaf culture. You have those who are born deaf. I am not especially welcome among them as I used to be able to hear. Does not matter that I'm deaf now. Give me a break!! In my eyes deaf is deaf, you know silent, hello down inside there , no noise , empty aching nothingness. Then there is the late deafened as I have been described as. Kinda sounds like the late dead doesn't it? Trust me, I'm very much alive and quite vocal. The last group tend to have a poor me, I can't live like this despair about them. I'm definately not one of them. So I'm somewhere in the cracks between all the bull .
Now we're coming to the main reason for this journal....I want to let my intellect show, my words have meaning. But most of all try to show the rest of the world I'm still human. I swear sometimes, I'm not sure if we are living in the 21st Century. I'm not one of those people who draw a line between hearing people and deaf. But at times ....it's tempting. I happen to be able to read lips very well. And I'm proud to say with years of speech therapy I speak rather eloquently. But there are those times , it is rather difficult. You would be amazed at the lack of patience someone has in writing down what they say. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but I do have my moments, where I would love to trade placesand let them get a taste of what it's like for me. The lack of compassion or patience for that matter is unreal. That's why I say we are in the 21st Century right? Then why the medieval thinking in terms of those that are different or disabled. Maybe they might think it would be a better world if everyone like me, was locked away. Forgive me if I disagree. I have more life in me than alot of people I know. I doubt very much , you could hold me down for long.
Well enough rambling for tonight...this journal will be my testament of my journey through this silent world of mine. I hope you come around and share once in awhile a small part of my world.
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My first stop...your first entry. I have to say, I must agree with you. My son goes to a school where he is the only deaf student and he is 100 percent mainstreamed but to have friends he has to WRITE everything and he hates it! I can tell their not real fond of it either! Thats got to be so hard! You may see some comments from me along the way...and it may take me a while but I will eventually make it through your journal ;)
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It would be very hard for me to not hear. I will be honest! Oh my to have to write down things! I bet it would take me forever to read lips! I understand a little better after reading your journal. People who hear just don't give it much thought. I have never really thought about complete silence!! I also give gospel concerts and I would not be able to do that either; that would REALLY be hard to not sing! I am so glad that you have Pickles not just to help you but she will be so much company. They are really smarter than we give them credit; and they call them dumb animals! I bet she will pick up on your moods soon. When you are sad she will come to you and want to be petted. Hope things go really great for you. Janie
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I would love to share it with you! I'm so happy that you decided to make a journal. And I can't believe that those people judge you like that and do not accept you as you are. That's wrong. Thanks for the invite. : ) GBU, Shelly
1/25/08 5:57 PM
Blessings!~
Susan
http://journals.aol.com/Rjet3