RebukeTheWorld

                              New Years Resolutions

1) One of them is to think outside stereotypes. For instance...  

For now on- ALL long haired people, with tattoos, that drive Volkswagens, religiously ride bikes, wears no make-up, wears Birkenstocks, wears a perfume that smells like bark on trees, hangs out at coffee shops and organic stores are really right wing Radical Republicans.  hmm...Anyone with nose piercing, more than 3 ear piercing on each ear, rainbow colored hair, dressed gothic or punk are all totally against abortion. All men in business suits, hair immaculately done, totally good looking and drives an expensive car, don't have a job. Any person dressed with red scarves on  legs or any gang paraphernalia and walks in groups of 10, are all radicals who support non-violence.  Women who cook everything by scratch,  Martha Stewart loyalists and knit and sew religiously, really do have messy houses. Every geek, nerd or technical genius who loves to read, is charming AND do possess awesome people skills. Go dr. phil you.

2) Learn to have more patience with wackos. Just because they are stupid doesn't mean they aren't interesting. If rabbi Howard Stern says it, its gotta be true. 

3) Just because I know some people who have no idea what makes them tick, lie about their motives, are vindictive, slightly paranoid and psychotic, and truly believe any thoughts they concoct in their heads is true, doesn't mean I have to feel insane about it.

4) Trust me, if your single, nothing good comes out of a quiet night at home and watching the show Blind Date.  Funny how someone on every episode, reminds you of someone you know.  This baffling affect keeps all self helps books on their shelves. Just like adornments of the "what could have been."

5)  I promise not to get irritated at the elderly person, whose waiting calmly to drive across the 2-way street.  They feel compelled to not cross the road unless all cars, on both sides of the road are non-existent.  I do struggle a bit more ifthe elderly person is NOT crossing the street and only needs to yield onto oncoming traffic.  I have no idea how to deal with that at this point. If I do THAT when I am older... just shoot me.

6) I vow to never buy another self help or weight loss book again.

7) I will not go into Starbucks with the motives of not reading a book. Having perfect timing of when to casually look up, check out the view and then when to flip the pages, when to move your eyes to the next paragraph or page because your actually NOT reading the book; due to the fact that afraid you'll miss out on some good looking person who could be at any time walking in, is one hell-of-a whirlwind ride. Don't do it!

8) The conscious adventure of expired tags on my car is soooooo overrated.

9) A Gals thang- Learn how to cross my legs without getting foot cramps. Come on now...those foot cramps that come from the pressure of toes under tables, church benches, or under something.  We use our foot to stabilize crossed legs because our inner muscles are now shaking and we can't take it anymore.  Although, I usually get some physical rest with my left leg. I will just alternate with my 90 degree, perpendicular left leg,(which has never been able to cross over) but it helps with the right leg dilemma. Oh, I should work on not being envious of women who do the thing. The miracle of the twisty leg. The ones who can cross a leg that's completely wrapped around the ankle of the OTHER leg.  My eyes tend to blink fast cause I am frazzled, in awe and want to discover how the heck do they do that. Only gals you know I am talking about. Blink..Blink..

10) Learn the lyrics to a whole song just to say I did.

12) When watching plastic surgery on TV, I should try to be happy for the guy whose getting his boobs done.

11)Go hug a tree. I live in the Northwest. We do that here.

                  Change The Laws Section              

1) They should create a Celebrity Monopoly game.  Rules goes like this. If you land on Martha Stewart you immediately go to jail but for only 10seconds.  If you land on Donald Trump you can monopolize all the hotels and pay back your debts when your good and ready. Basically your in complete control.  Now here's the ultimate goal, if your really into winning. Land on Michael Jackson. Its like getting immunity from the president. Not only do you have a life time of NO jail time but you can cheat and make up new rules as you go along. You can take loans against your property, buy more property AND without any money in the bank AND you never have to pay back any of your debts, ever ever again. 

2) Boycott All Panty Hose Corporations. Why? Huge revelation here. Flip the package over, take your finger to the height and then down to my weight and see where your finger stops. What did I discover?  I don't have a square. If I could stop drawing myself one that might help but I honestly cant.  Hmm...still don't get why those groups of colored squares go from light blue to dark blue. Some subliminal message for sure.      

|  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this