RebukeTheWorld

Because my dating experience's have scared me to death, lol. Let me share a few of my experience's but not with a purpose to enlighten you, quite the contrary; I just want to scare you too. Why should I be the only one who thinks this way, lol. I'm sure you have some funny stories to tell but I think I was born on the paths of exceptions; where the strange, insanely disturbed and demented get to greet me. I have succumbed to the notion that the trigger in my twisted experiences might belong to stereotypes. The stereotypes of full lips, long hair and my brown shading seems to attract all walks of life. Mind you, I don't date them but something about my girl next door smile says I am a free for all bird. This isn't the birds that feather flock together, it's the ones that fly by, say hello and I wonder why I'm the only one who walks away with bird poop on my head.

I used to be a cocktail waitress at this well established posh posh athletic club. The members soon caught I was a walking bird (Raven, Crow-you pick), my vessel of realness and their hugs came my way and their life stories came too. Intimacy isn't considered professional at the posh posh, so I didn't last long. I remember one night where this very classy looking couple approached me. We talked for a few hours while they hung out at the bar. Naively, I just thought we were bonding as stranger to stranger can do in one meeting. Then her husband says, "My wife thinks your gorgeous and she would feel honored if you would like to have sex with both of us.” OK,OK(laughing) but breathe deeply. True story here. Let me tell you what went through my head in that moment- Oh my gosh! What vibe did I send you? Now, before I could even begin to get over the shock and speak my polite rejection, her hubby continued. This time he offered me details or better yet, the conditions in this conditional situation. He said, ”The way this works is you agree to have sex with both of us. We're both very jealous and its either both of us or neither of us.” OK, now let me tell you what went through me head in that moment too- Both? Neither? Did I say yes? What did I do to make you assume I was like into that? I guess it was important for him to lay out the guidelines prior to my denial or acceptance, like I was a sell pitch for Burger King. Well, I politely declined, went home took some drugs, cut off my hair and stood in front of the mirror trying to see, if someone sees something about me, that I am missing.

This wasn't my first time. I get these invitations every month on a full moon. I remember one time my friend and I paid for a limousine for a night adventure. Our limousine was packed with good looking guys only. We decided if we're going to have fun, lets go for the physical and then ditch them at the end of the night. We weren't very nice. It's that little radical Angela-jolie side that we both have. What is an Angela-jolie or the AJ type? (I am like sooo making up this portion, so don't fall for it, lol) The Angela-jolie type is a gal who doesn't give off any neediness for any guy to rescue her. She thinks guys are hot but doesn't worship them. She thinks shes hot too, lol. Attracting men is pretty easy for the AJ gal. The signal is huge. It's subtle, very feminine and says- I'm not desiring you until I really get to know you, so lets take it slow, have fun and if you screw up your on your own. Men love those types of gals but they're very rare. How do I know that? Cause I have met every woman on the planet, so there. There is a male version of the AJ type. He is the BJ type that all women should avoid like the plaque. The sincere BJ type is the Brad-Pitt type but you might want to avoid those too, lol.

OK, back to my dating game real life stories and that limousine night. This very gorgeous centerfold type of guy was into me that night but since he was shallow and into himself; he was just a dime a dozen. I thought he caught the “Your not doing much for me in Raven's ozone land,” but his ego probably never experienced of such a consideration. Rejection? What's that? Well, it was time to drop him off at this house and he asked me to walk him to the door. Yes, I was surprised too. Walk you to the door? Don't you have a role reversal for that knight in shining armor gig? I was perplexed, lol. Did he even ask for my number? No, but I sooo wanted him too. I wanted the opportunity to turn him down, just to add a notch to my belt. A gal like me could only relish at such a thought in being his first. Oh, how lovely that would have been but instead, I walk him to the door for some more shock treatment. Arriving at his door, his alter ego said,” If you don't have sex with me tonight, you won't get another opportunity.” OK,now let me tell you what went through my head in that moment- Oh my gosh! (laughing) Help me! I needed the universe to intervene and send him off the planet in a missile. I was going to loose it. I wasn't angry but some serious uncontrollable laughter was only seconds away. His apparently, oblivious lack of value for women was appalling. My ego politely declined and responded, "I guess I will have to miss out on this once and a lifetime opportunity." You know what's is the scary part in his statements? This couldn't have been his first time. Some gal or gals down the line in his conquests, must had said yes to his reign on earth. He was well trained by my other sisters on the planet and guess what? I get to deal with the misfortune of his worship experiences. Shucks! (Laughing) What did I do next? I went home and cut my hair and stood in front of the mirror, trying to see if there is something about me that I keep missing.

I have tried Internet dating but only a few spurts of exploration. I really think of it as like jumping off a very tall building and waiting for Superman. In my jumping, I have probably met 20 guys total and only a fraction of these guys looked like their pictures. Most of them had historic photos posted, with some alteration and major typos in their weight and height categories. Do you know how many of these pretentious corporate dating sites offer photo alteration's? All of them. Avoid them. They support shock treatments too.

Social cues are interesting. We easily mimic one's physical gestures to send those libido signals that we're comfortable around you. You cross your legs. I cross my legs. You lean in close. I lean in close and so on. That brings me to the story of my date with the gum chewer. He was a nervous wreck. The date probably lasted 4 hours and whatever gum he was chewing had more jaw motion than a chimpanzee, ever could. Let me tell you before I knew it, I was mimicking his jaw velocity too, and I wasn't even chewing gum. I was spell bound. The only part of theconversation I remember involved my ego. He told me that I looked like a Jennifer Lopez.(laughing) Well, Jennifer is like gorgeous but we look nothing a like but when you're a single mother of five, you tend to believe anything. So, I believed him. I smiled and said thank you. I couldn't wait to get home and check myself out in the mirror, to see if I‘m missed something; although I didn't cut my hair this time.

I remember one time where I went on this date with this guy who also had a historic photo on his profile. This actually happens 7 out of 10 times, folks. I know I keep sayin that. Just symptoms of my recovery, sorry. He was about 5.5and on his profile he said 5.9. Maybe he is dating gals who don't read profiles or have the balls to let him know of his misfortune typo, but since height isn't an issue for me I still gave him a shot. During our first date, did I say first date? Yes, during our first date he told me everything that happened in his entire, ENTIRE life. I sat there like the listening therapist that I am, realizing this guy had more baggage than an Amtrak train, whose route has gone around the earth and back. This guy was nervous but sweet and definitely thought my long hair could take it all in. As you know, I tried that rescue mission from Mars with men and since that didn't work, I now take regular trips to Venus. (kidding, straight gal here) Well, at the end of the date he said, ”Are you going to see me again?” Geese! That is the worst thing to say to someone, especially since I couldn't wait to get home and write his good-bye email--Great date but I wasn't feelin the chemistry. Good Luck in your search. And now, he puts me on the spot. So, I do what any chicken- sh__, gal would do...I lie. I politely responded, ” Sure, I'll see you again.” I know. I know. I have learned to be more honest now. I did send that email a few days later but that didn't end his conversing. He kept writing me. Then one day I picked up the phone. Yes, by accident because the break-up rule goes like this- You always avoid the phone for a few months after you have dumped someone or at least your relentless in caller-ID checks. Well, his conversation with me went something like this,”Raven, my daughter has this soccer game this weekend. My ex-wife will be there with her lover (the womanshe hadthe affairwith during their marriage) and I want to make her jealous. Would you consider attending with me? Just this once? Please?“ OK, so let me tell you what went through me head at that moment, "Oh my gosh! OH MY GOSH!" I politely declined and this time, I fiercely cut my hair and looked in the mirror because I'm clearly missing something.

Tidbits about me and way off the subject, lol.

 I'm a gal who likes to be ruled by her guy--Ruled by his brains, his wit, and his leadership abilities in how he handles daily life is my kindof guy. When I meet a guy like that, romance novels just open up. Call me stupid but its true. There are some exceptions to this. A guy who rules women in his insecurity is just a little boy in a mans body. I repel those types like the atom bomb can't. I met a guy who owned a construction company who was this type. He told me he believed aman should be headship of his home. I agreed with him but after he described his version of what that meant my sarcasm took over. I said, " Oh, so you want a slave so you do nothing and she is at your beck and call. I want a guy like that too. You game?" Date lasted..hmmm..maybe an hour. I honestly can't stand those brain dead, shallow, controlling and manipulative men that need to put your down, to feel superior. They do nothing for me. Being ruled in a healthy way is all about a guy whom I admire because he's smarter, he's funnier, confidant, I matter to him, he values me, he's physically athletic and wants to take care of me. Yep, I love that. It's hot! I know there are a lot of gals that would rather do it all themselves and not lean on a guy for anything and my thoughts are, Go for it! I embrace your independence of not needing anything from him. Personally, I've been doing it for many years because I am picky but it aint no bag of chips. Yes I'm independent in thoughts, and what I believe in but that doesn't get compromised with my guys leadership. If the independent gig was so cool, dating services would be obsolete.

Anyway, back to the insecure macho men I have dissed in my life.

 Good news! I have had four marriage proposals these last few years. One guy I met via Internet, physically looked like you might want to sleep with one eye opened (he had that scary look,lol) but I thought he was interesting. Until, until...well he claimed that God told him I was to marry him. Nothing wrong with that but the only thing about that was...God hadn't said anything to me about it.(laughing) He was pretty financially successful and definitely the type of guy who rules a woman but from an insecure reign. His kings chair was lower than the dirt but he thought it was high, lol. He gave me one of those sampling plates of undermining compliments that insecure guys always do. They like to rule women with fear, so he started plotting his words. He said,” I'm a successful guy. You You You need to realize how lucky you're that I am willing to take care of you and your kids.” Then he added,”You won't meet another guy who will do that for you.” OK, so let me tell you what I was thinking in that moment, "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I'm supposed to feel LUCKY?!" Well, he hadn't realize I have enough ego to feed the world so I replied politely,” I'm not interested in talking to you anymore. I hope you find that lucky girl. Take care.” Well, he didn't call or write me for quite some time. I stayed away from dating services for a year. Recovery takes time, lol. A year later, I logged into a specific dating service and just browsed members for fun. You see, when you log into these services, people can see the last time you visited the site. A few days later, I get this email from this same guy. The email said just this. Just this- I told you I was right. OK, now let me tell you what I thought in that moment, lol - “Oh my gosh! OH MY GOSH! (I’m like soooo cracking up right now after writing that) but I couldn't believe it. How dare he try to have the last word. Women hate that, lol. How dare he assume I was single because there are no men out for me? I wanted to play this reply Hallmark card- Looks like you aint found that lucky gal who wants your butt either but I didn't play the reality check card. I just didn't write him back and yes, he got the last word. Obviously, it wasn't God who told him I was his future concubine but it could have been those bad angels talking, lol. They chat all the time and I have learned to not talk back, lol. Hallucinations is also a determining factor or careful plotting to gain a woman, cause his insecurity keeps him from ruling himself, so he must rule others. This is just one of the roots of bondage that abusive men thrive in.

Now, the next marriage proposal came from a nice guy with lots of baggage and as you know... I don't do shuttle rescue missions to Mars anymore, so we didn't date long. He was married to a woman who was sexually abused as a child. His intimate life with her as he put it,” I can count on both hands how many time we had sex in the 10 years we were together.” Let me tell you, he received saint hood from me instantly. I have great compassion for those of suffer from sexual abuse but I couldn't have had that level of patience. Sex is important to me. HUGE! I would have separated until my spouse got help AND changed. Sorry, I just couldn't deal that. He had my respect but he was a mess emotionally. He did own a very successful business, debt free and owned two houses. One of his houses was in the country and was making half a million a year. He told me all of this in our first phone call but I could sense he was being honest. No man, would ever admit all of that to a gal with short hair, lol. We went on our first date and immediately and I mean IMMEDIATELY he gaveme a sweet quick kiss and was my hand holder the entire time. Do you know what an over the top hand holder is? It's wherethe hand connection doesn't stop period. Your eating food and drinking with one hand the whole time. It was beyond obnoxious but I felt sorry for him. Later on, he told me he does that to test women and see how they respond. He had dated many gals and I guess he even had a few marriage proposals from these women. He was attractive and successful, so I believed him. Then the second date came- He told me that he wanted to buy me a building for my business and get engaged immediately. I replied, "You can't buy me a building." He said," I can afford to buy you a place for your office and any supplies that you'll need. I want to support you in your business." OK, now let me tell you what went through my head at that moment- Run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me....lol. Folks, his rescue mission on Venus was being aborted. I RAN! I know that I am amazing (No apologies for that statement. I love to hear women admit to their amazingness) but truthfully, I aint that amazing and no-one is that amazing that soon. Those quick love feelings is about something else and not the person you think you love. Just a little tidbit of wisdom there.

Romance novels are big on lying. Don't read them. The third guy who proposed to me was in the middle of a custody battle with his ex-wife. She was a stripper and he flew airplanes. He was one of the few pilots that could maneuver a plane into dangerous terrain and blast water in the middle of a raging forest fire. Being the tree hugger that I am, I was way impressed! He was gorgeous too but yah know how you just know something is wrong but you can't pinpoint it? Well, the first alarm was during our first conversation. We talked for hours and by the end of the conversation, I was the gal he was going to marry, period. Three conversations later, he was in love with me. He was really insecure OBVIOUSLY but I sensed something else that I hadn't sensed with any other guy ever. I can't explain it logically but I knew I wasn't supposed to talk to this guy. I didn't hear a voice from God or anything but it was like God put a feeling in me and it was dangerous for me to date him. So, I avoided him, we never talked again. The good news is that I actually did have a marriage proposal from a great guy and he still is a great guy. He is a lawyer, nice and intelligent. He is drop dead funny but we just didn't work out. Distance was an issue and we both were unable to move. So, I ended that brief interlude in my life.

Today, I'm working on my dreams and raising some babies. I casually browse profiles on dating services but not into dating, as of yet. If your wondering after all of that, how I am doing now, its really quite simple. I'm now bald and I don't own a mirror. Mirror Mirror on the wall...can go fly a kite.

  Humor Daily Life  Romance and Relationships

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• #5 Comment from jonowen77 
  3/10/08 1:49 PM | Permalink

  rejected four marriage proposals?....and you brag about it... kind of off-putting. What makes you so wonderful?
• #4 Comment from rebuketheworldEntry Author 
  7/7/06 3:59 PM | Permalink

  Thank you Cheryl, I love happy endings,,,,Tell him he better get that ring to your pronto, or he will be hearing some serious rants from all women across the planet,,,,lol,,,,I'm not looking too,,,,I havent dated in years,,,,but I am starting to feel like an Enouch, so I'm wondering if I should start dating,,,hehe
• #3 Comment from cste609371 
  7/7/06 12:48 PM | Permalink

  I meet a great guy in Barns and Noble and friend spilt MY coffe he jumped from his table to come to my aide. 2 years and we live together- i was not looking - just left a jerk of a man i dated for 3 yrs. he wanted to tie the knott not me.this guy, chuck- ilove him and want the dam diamond- he says it comming ! ravin, you will find mr. right- when u dont look for him,lololol Good luck you are so busy- have fun, Cheryl from Mass. http://journals.aol.com/cste609371/writingsshortstoriesbyStewart/
• #2 Comment from rebuketheworldEntry Author 
  6/24/06 4:40 AM | Permalink

  mmmrrea---Hey Johnny, thanks for your words of inspiration and as always sincerely given and sincerely heard. Thank you!
• #1 Comment from mrrear111 
  6/24/06 4:29 AM | Permalink

  Hey Raven thanks for the great blog.....I loved it...I understand you more...and have deep admiration and respect.  I may be seeking the "woman" of my dreams...but it seems so many women have souls that suffer and lack love or inner love that stops them from giving love....so I go out on dates going without expectations.  Sometimes I make a connection make a new friend find a lover. Being a single dad (not alot of dating time) and raised my kids (four) the search has been 12 yrs since my divorce.  I have found an inner love that is more like a healing from where I was....I think love is out there for you and for me and for all of us.....to be able to give love without conditions is where the problems start for most....I love uncondtionally today and so many want to remold me or change me....or have a values system that is not spiritual like mine.  I like you long to give love, to please to spoil to pamper someone special, to be me and to be loved for who I am....not what I am or who I may be....life to me is love ....and to love is to live life fully.  I long for that special love the one in my heart and soul....its chemical spiritual internal external and has to have the passion....Thanks for sharing your funny dates...and thoughts....I see a womans perspective and that is good for me.  I have love to give...I thank god for that....to find real love mmmm that is truely my mystery...my longing...I hope to find my true love before the end....but at least I have found me....love me...and love those close to me friends and family with real true love without conditions....you take care and I will keep you in my prayers that your safely wrapped in the light...and protected and find your true love....soon...
  Thanks for the great inspiration tonight....
  PS:  Please dont cut your hair...its part of your outer beauty....I love it
  Warmest thoughts YR#1Admirer/friend
  Johnny