COMIC RELIEF: Raven's Top 19...What really bugs me....

1) …Can you imagine a product that every household in America has and needs, a product that is timeless and popular, a product that you use every day but a product that you will never master no matter how many times you use it- Do you know what it is? Imagine your in the kitchen and your feeling up the sink with hot water and all of a sudden the water starts to drain away. You stand there debating if its worth being scorched to death but you dig in cause saving the water is huge to you and now it's crunch time. Again, waiting is impossible for you, you must save the water, like the true water advocate that you're. So, you hesitantly put your hand in (ouch ouch) the hot water to inspect that little metal stopper. You play with it with no memory of prior attempts. You know those metal stoppers with holes, the black little rubber sealant that’s supposed to keep the drain plugged? Well, you then try to manipulate that little metal stick in the center, by pushing it up and down, and twisting it and you just end up mystified. The good news is you get to start all over and have to trust that darn thing again.

2)…Women who say that want a nice guy. Please! Real time version of the nice guy-First it is required that you have to start off as a jerk. Then we look up to you because you make us work. Then we spend the rest of our life trying to change you into a nice guy, so we feel valued by our efforts. What the nice guy dialogue really means is it’s the work in progress that the future nice guy holds, as to why you fall in love. Real Time Nice Guy Motto- The nice guy doesn’t finish first but he can finish last because we‘re worth it. Women with high self-esteem don’t have this tense dilemma. Present nice guy is our ambition because we’re worth it.

3)...Takers that offer advice to the givers. Its like a bank robber is teaching someone how to not rob banks even though the person they’re talking to, doesn’t rob banks nor never will. This is a major toxic moment for me.

4)...Microsoft Script Debugger- No matter how many times I tell that pop-up window No, don’t debug it repeatedly pops up until I change my mind. Oh, and there’s my conversations with my friend Spam.-” I know I don’t know you but since you know my full name I will give you a shot to prove yourself even with all the diseases you've given me. I open up you because my ego says you know me well.”

5)...I can’t tell you how many times I have sat in a moving vehicle and watch a friend throw a chicken bone out the window, or their gum or anything edible and say, “Its not litter because it micro-degradable and besides, some animal will eat it.” Boy, I can’t imagine what the sidewalks would look like if everyone on the planet thought like you or participated like you do.

6)...Einstein’s theory of relativity applies to spit containers. When men chew tobacco, the level of spit juice that accumulates, is relative to how close you’re to throwing up.

7)...If a woman is fat or unattractive and tells other women that they feel ugly, these women will hoot, holler and persuade with passion that its wrong to feel that way. They will even go a step further and tell them they need to feel attractive and say they’re beautiful but look out; if an attractive woman agrees and says she’s attractive they change the rules on her. How vain and conceded are to admit that you think your attractive? Nothing like conditional positive feedback for yah.

8)...I’m a mouth admirer, so I notice stuff like... I can’t even communicate with someone who has chapped lips without volunteering my lip gear and if they reject my generosity, I tend to lick my lips as the over comer that I am. The accumulation of spit sitting in the corners of someone’s mouth or human foam is beyond disgusting for me. I am big on eye-contact then while a few of my body ticks pops up and it gets worst the longer I talk to them.

9)...Why is it with our keen sense of smell, some are oblivious to their body odor? Is it the consistency of ones own foul ambiance that you just don’t recognize it anymore?

10)...Why is it that a sing-a-long person must know all the lyrics to have the personal right to sing a song? Why can’t I make up some words, throw in a few um’s to keep up with the song? This seems to really bug some people and it really bugs me that this bugs them.

11)... People who say that popular valley girl lingo- “Like, oh my ggooodd,” and they don’t even believe in God, lol.

12)... People who say um and ah and oh after every other word when they talk. When I listen to them talk, its feels like a sledge hammer is slamming away at my patience. It’s definitely a nail biting experience because you want to fast forward the conversation because it's taking too long.

13)... What is the purpose in asking someone how much they weight?Peopledo it all the time and if your fat, your fat and if your skinny, your skinny, so why speculate the weight question? Don’t you have eyes?

14)...When a guy asks for my number and there was no prior conversation. Do you think he wants to really get to know me? laughing

15)... Why must my monthly mourning cycle become a CIA plight to hide all evidence from men? I wrap it up but what, that’s not good enough? I must dig in to the deepest part of my bathroom garbage can and hide all evidence because just the mere thought of it, drives men crazy. Why?

16)... Men’s dirty nails during intimacy makes us wonder if our bio-chemical make-up can fight off your work debris. Word to the wise, our bodies can’t compete with Mother Nature.

17)... A man with an immaculate clean car can be a warning sign. I remember a date I had where this guy in his nice sporty car had a neurotic moment. We had just returned from a nice walk and some dust had acquired on his car, although I couldn’t see it, he did and was quite bothered by it. We didn’t drive more than a few blocks before he said,” Sorry, I gotta take care of this.” I wasn’t sure what he was talking about but he pulled the car over, he got out, walked around to his trunk and pulled out the largest feather duster I had ever seen. He begin to wipe off his car and I sat there trying to think about something else because I knew I was going to fall out laughing before he got back in the car. His face looked like he was on double duty as he meticulously cleaned his car and from all angels. God forbid if a sand storm came, I’m not sure if he could have handled that. My sarcasm was getting the best of me, so I rolled down my window and said, “Hey, you missed a spot.”

18)... I wrote an article on this subject once before, but that was a silly version of what the root of the problem is. Men will be considerate and wipe off the toilet rim but since they don't disinfect the darn thing, so how safe is it? How many times must a gal sit down on a freshly wiped rim and discover it’s still wet? Men don’t get this because they rarely release themselves dually, so when they go back the toilet rim is dry. For more on this topic click the link: Whats Your Aim?

19)...Nature tapes. Try buying the jungle version and see what gives you a heart attack five minutes into it. Monkeys screeching aint the same as the ocean.And, its completely unpredictable. Who knew.

Daily Life Humor