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Top Ten Stupid Things Drunks Say After They Wreck
04 July 2007
"Top Ten Stupid Things Drunks Say After They Wreck"
Happy Fourth of July to you all!!!
Here we are celebrating Momma America's 231st Birthday by taking the day off from our labors and enjoying the mid-point of the summer solstice.
For the layperson out there, we call this a holiday (hol-i-dey). (I put that in there for those of you out there who are like me which really have no meaning of what that word actually is.)
Whether you are cooking out, golfing on the links, sitting on the beach, or out watching pyrotechnics (professionally done of course), I am sure that it is time that is well spent with friends and family in order to recharge the overworked batteries that take us day to day.
For those of us in the civil service field, we call it Trauma Season. (trou-mah, see-zuhn).
And might you ask as to what this really means.....
Well, open up another Vernors 
. Grab your favorite lawn chair..
, and let me entertain you....
Now, with every holiday, there is this thing I like to call alcohol (al-kuh-haul). By, itself, it is a fun, mind numbing substance that should be taken in moderation (mod-uh-rey-shuh
). When this moderation is not considered, it creates this thing called a drunk (no phonetic spelling here). Now, add, what is normally, a simple task, such as driving a car, into the equation, and we have what I like to call....a menace (men-is)
The above picture is a result of that...
See, if you drink, and then you drive, there is a high probability that you will crash and chances are I get to come and tell you what an idiot you are while performing my obligitory duties in taking care of your sorry ass (do I sound bitter???).
I don't even want to start...
So, to celebrate the holiday, I thought I would give you the top ten most stupid things I have been told from someone that I have rendered care to.
Hold on to your ass, Fred....
10. "I wasn't going that fast" This translates into, "sir, I was doing WELL under 90 when I hit that tree with full force." Believe me, speeding is the least of your problems at this point.
9. "I was on my way home". Well, you must have gotten lost seeing your license says that you live in a city that is two counties the OTHER way. I know it is hard now-a-days seeing that the only place to stop and ask for directions is a local dive bar where you have to have a couple of beers before you can get any info.....oh look, free wings.
8. "I am gonna sue". Who??? The Catholic Church because God put the only tree on the side of the road that you found with the front end of your car? You can't even remember your name let alone to call a lawyer. Have a Coke and shut the hell up.
7. "You can't take me to the hospital". Sure I can, You see that big white truck over there...no, the one in the middle. It has four wheels, an engine, and lots of pretty lights on it. Oh yeah, it is still in one piece too...I WIN!!!!
6. "What happened" I will try to speak slow here. You were driving home after a long night partying, minding your own business, when all of a sudden, this phone pole jumped out in front of you and just came out of no where. You did everything you could to avoid it, but to no avail, you hit it. It sure is a good thing that you had that sixth tall Miller Lite before you left, otherwise that pole might have missed you.
5."I have a child" Well, looks like they may need to find a new ride to soccer practice tomorrow. Apparently Johnny Walker was a little more important to you than Johnny Junior.
4. "I don't have health insurance so I can't go". In about 3 days, you won't have a driver's license either. I guess you can afford that insurance now. I think there is a coupon in the Sunday paper for 20% off all emergency medical flights. Have your nurse bring you a copy.
3. "What happened". See the trend....
2. "Is my car bad?" Well, the good news is the hazard lights still work....
1. "I just don't want to get in trouble". Fear not friend, the stupidity fairy will come down and grant you the dumbass of despair mulligan and you can just go on your merry way. But until he gets here, could you hold still? I have to plug you with the biggest needle I can find.
Be safe out there!!!!
Rounding Third and Heading Home,
M-
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We had the usual, Gee, I don't know how my knife got in that man's chest night, the 4th.... freedom to be stupid to some, LOL.
Julie -
heard some sirens today and thought of you....some dumbass drinking and driving or trying to hydroplane lol lol
Donna In TEXAS
7/7/07 11:07 PM
take care
tina