Ramblings

Well, today and tomorrow is the homeschool convention.  I look forward to going even though my son wants to try high school next fall.  I have warned him that any D's or a progress report that says he's not turning in homework and I will take him back out.  Transferring from nights to part time days was a big mistake because my son got bored and now doesn't like homeschool.  What a fool I am.  If we do end up homeschooling again next year, I will definitely switch back to nights to do my best with him.  Live and learn I guess.  I deeply regret this mistake though. 

I'm finally doing much better since my miscarriage.  I still would like to have another child but my husband doesn't and I'm not the type to do it on the sly.  Sometimes I feel like I have really screwed everything up; I should have had another when I was younger, I should have had a more structured home for my kids, I definitely should have been a better house keeper..... the list seems to go on and on.  O.k., I can't think about that because it will just make me sad and there's no time for sadness right now. 

Have you heard about the bird flu?  I have a friend who's mother works at a hospital in Charleston and they are running "drills" in case this hits.  Supposedly, it has the potential to be quite devastating.  Google it, you won't like what you read but it's better to be informed.

My husband has not cancelled our AOL yet.  I give him a small task and he can't even do that.  Seems like one of you told me that you only pay $10 a month because you have cable internet, or something like that.  I think I'll see if we can arrange something.

Have you checke out my candle website?  The prices are fair but you have to pay shipping and handling which adds to it and that makes them as much as Yankee candles.  These are better though, I have to say.

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This week I have to work full time to cover for someone else.  I'm sure I will love the extra money but so much less will get done around here.  I wanted to get back to jogging but I don't think this week is it.  I can't make myself get up an hour earlier.  Well, I did yesterday but today the snooze button was my friend.  So, what will I eat today?  I have definitely gone off the path I chose lately.  I know that when I cut out the sugar, exercise, and eat much less fried foods, I feel so much better.  I used to bauk every time I heard or read that eating less and exercising would help you lose weight and feel better.  I knew there had to be a "miracle" way of eating.  Nope.  I was so surprised when I just started focusing on my health, just how much weight I lost.  I swore I would never go back to eating junk again.  Never say never!  Why do we do things we know is bad and avoid the ones we know is good?  I feel like Paul.  After about two weeks of eating healthy, you stop craving junk but if you go back to it, say, when you go on vacation like I did, it becomes an addiction again.  I have every intention on switching to whole organic foods, a little at a time.  Oh, I used that word, organic, have I lost you now?  Really, if you need a place to start, start with organic produce.  I know you can't just throw everything out and go buy all new stuff but when you go back to the store, there's where to start.  Ideally, we would all be eating nonprocessed organic whole foods but thinking about changing our whole way of life is overwhelming and will probably make you not even give any of it a try.  So, start with produce.  Wal-Mart, Target, Albertsons, and probably any grocery store near you has some organic produce and foods.  The most important ones to start with are the ones with thin skin i.e.: grapes, apples, plums, celery... they're the most affected by pesticides.  If you can get them at a Farmer's Market they may be cheaper.  Foods at a Farmer's Market are local so they haven't been boxed up and shipped out a thousand miles a way but be sure to ask if they're organic beacuse not all of it is.  You'll  also be supporting your local economy.  Okay, I'm off to get ready for work. grrrrrh

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As you can see, I'm not gone yet.  My husband still hasn't cancelled our account.  I guess it's just one more thing I'm going to have to do for him.  He doesn't pay bills, make doctor appts., deal with insurance.....  What is with men?  I guess it's better than him being one of those who controls everything.  I would definitely hate that.

I'm really not doing much better yet.  I keep having these emotional outbursts that I can't hold back or control.  I had to leave work early on Wednesday because I couldn't stop crying and it came on all of a sudden.  Then last night I went to a purse party(never heard of such a thing before) at my niece's and there was a baby there.  I lasted about ten minutes then I had to leave and barely made it out the door before it started again.  I'm usually in pretty good control and can go off to la la land if I'm upset(I'm quite a day dreamer) but it's not working for me now.  WTF?!  I am not a crier, I'm usually a strong happy person.  Well, I do have anger, mostly over injustice or just stupid ass people. lol

So, I'm getting started on my candle business.  Some time this month you can order from my site.  I really love this business but I'll never be a master at selling because I'm not pushy.  That's kind of why I like Avon, you just show the book and they order or they don't.

Easter is next Sunday which is when Lent is over.  I'm not afraid, yet am ashamed, to say that I broke my Lenten promise to not drink.  I thought it would help me feel better or escape but it did no such thing.  How stupid of me.  Lesson learned.

Well, I'm off to buy a binder for my samples.

Oh yeah, you can enter for a free candle drawing at my website.  Cool thing is, the company sends it to you, I don't even have to worry about it.  And they don't try to contact you, that's up to me.

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I now have Cox cable internet and we're going to cancel AOL.  We don't want to pay for both so I won't be able to make anymore entries, atleast I don't think so.  I'm not exactly sure how that works.  Will my journal be deleted or will I just not be able to do anymore entries?  I wonder if I'll be able to comment on y'alls'.  I'm not sure of any of it until it's cancelled.  Any ideas?  I love all of you and will visit if I can.  I know I can atleast email you.  No chain letters, I promise.

Hugs and Smooches!

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So, I was wondering why some people make their journals private when they used to be public.  I had no idea that there were assholes out there wasting their time harrassing people.  Why would anyone do that?  I don't want to waste my time and energy dicking with people.  It must be a miserable life if all you can think to do is be an ass.  "I'm full of self loathing so I'm going to try to make others miserable too."  Thing is, they may inconvenience us but they can't make us the miserable assholes that they are.  I mean, that's a lot of effort and time out of their life that they can't get back and they could have spent doing other things.  Honestly, I just don't see the point.

My son is really enjoying his April fools day.  He is quite the prankster.  I'm taking him to get some more "ammo" for tonight.  He taped the kitchen sprayer, glued a quarter to the floor, put a dollar on a string, left a q-tip with a glob of fake ear wax on it and he's just getting started.  The jokes are mostly on my husband since I bought most of the prank stuff so it's enjoyment for me. hehe

My best friend has been with her boyfriend for two years and we put a "sting" on him last night.  Well, I ended up having my husband come and get me because I got a migraine and couldn't see to drive but she and a couple of other girls did it.  I wish I could have seen his face when he was caught scamming on another girl when he was supposedly devoted to my friend.  Dumb ass!  I knew the player in him had come back.  What it must be like to have two brains and only listen to the dumber of the two!

So, my sister told me about this new thing from Europe that helps you to lose weight, actually she ordered it and ordered some for me too.  It's minty and you take it 30 minutes before you eat.  Sounded totally like a scam.  She said it was on Oprah though.  Still, I'm an expert on diet stuff and I know that there's no "miracle" worker or atleast I thought there wasn't.  It arrived a week and a half ago and I've already lost 13 lbs and all I do is take as directed.  I'm not starving myself, I eat nearly the same and I'm still not exercising.  I really do miss exercising and look forward to the warm weather so I can start running again.  Anyway, can you imagine how much I'll lose when I do start running?  I can not wait!  I'll probably go later today. 

My son is bothering me to take him and his friend to the mall.  I guess I need to go, I'm afraid he's going to play that dollar trick on the wrong person though.  Live and learn, I guess.  Oh, and by the way, April Fools - there is no miracle diet stuff!!  Admit it, you were going to ask me what it was and how to get it.  Well, maybe not you Russ.  Hehe  got y'all. 

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Well, I've been away a lot, only putting an entry in about twice a week.  I see a lot of others are doing the same.  I'm also disappointed that two of my favorites have gone private.  I understand the need but I really enjoy them.  One always gives me a laugh and I always learn so much from the other.  I love them both.  You know who you are, I miss y'all.  I rarely visit any new journals anymore.  I've tried to cut down on my time on the internet plus, ya know, I've had some grief in my life lately.  I need to learn time management skills.  In fact, I need some money management skills too.

Two weeks and three days until I can have a beer.  I am so looking forward to it.  I've been tempted to give in but I knew I would be so disappointed in myself if I did.  Forty days with no alcohol is good for me.  Funny, if you didn't know me, you might think I was an alcoholic. lol  No, I just like a beer two or three times a week.  And perhaps some rum on occasion, like going out with the girls. 

I need to go pick up my prescription.  I guess while I'm at it I'll have to pick up some damn condoms since my husband won't agree to trying for another child.  That really disappointed me.  It never entered my mind until I miscarried, now I want one desperately.  I guess I understand his thinking, after all, I'm 40 and he's 45.  It's almost time for grandkids.  Still, I would really love another chance.  O.k., I'm off to buy some love gloves.

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I am going through the worse thing I have ever been through and my mother some how made it to be about her.  She feels that I don't trust her because I didn't tell her I was pregnant and didn't call until two days after my miscarriage.  WTF?!  I'm miserable and my head is all fucked up and she's feeling a lack of trust.  Now, I ask you, what kind of rediculous reaction is that?  I am so agrivated.  I not only have to mourn the death of my baby but also the fact that my husband wants to get fixed so this doesn't happen again and my mother is acting a fool.  I wish I could get away.  Having a child was the last thing on my mind but I was very excited.  I don't want to try to have another but I don't want to not try either.  I want to just "wing it" and see what happens but my husband closed his mind to that.  So, basically, I'm all screwed up right now.  I'm sorry to be a downer, it's not like me.  I'm just having trouble finding the sunshine.  

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