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12:58:00 PM EDT
Hearing The Dryer doing its load
Preperations
My lady wife's pre-surgury appointment with her Doctor occurs today. Her surgury takes place on friday. In the past two nights I have been wracked by nightmares and stress related REM sleep. These are not the disturbing 'night terrors' that occasinally haunt my psyche, but rather instead simply my brain working through a time in my life where I feel very helpless and incapable. The interruptions to my normal sleep have left me more irratable and prone to display my frustrations as anger. Yesterday I got down-right pissed at an extension cord for being tangled up.. What good isthat? Where's the sense in it? Well, while I am happy that I seem to be managing to vent my anger at things like extension cords and not my wife, my family or my fellow fencers.. I am bothered greatly by the fact that I have let myself slip so far out of my normal 'control.' Y'see, I have a very bad temper..its very quick to rise, very emotional when it hits, and very often gives birth to rage as fast as anything else. When I was a teenager it was very bad... I had no control over this. As I grew older, I studied more about myself and took up things like meditation and such. As I learned, my philosophy of life changed, and though I had to watch my temper do irreperable damage to many relationships in my life, I did eventually manage to get it under control..for the most part. Stress, worry, and concern, and that feeling of helplessness however are not so easilly struggled against. My wife and her doctors assure me that the procedure is very common, and that she will be fine. She has struggled with the health difficulties that this will address for several years, and this -should- be the true cure. I hope so, I pray so. My wife is a brilliant and beautiful person, who has brought great love and light to my soul.. It is very hard to trust her safety and health to another person, no matter how qualified they are. It is important that now I be strong, emotionally and mentally for her. It is important that I be 'in control' of myself.Creator protect and pity us, teach us to do good.
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Give her my love and know that you both will be in my thoughts on Friday.
9/18/03 12:05 AM