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9:49:00 AM EDT
Feeling Anxious
I have so much that I need to log today.
*****Warning***** I might say something that offends someone.
This part shouldn't be offensive. Since last Thursday, I've been having a pretty hard time using my hands. I cant even count how many times that I've dropped things. Already this morning, I dropped my coffee carafe on my right thigh and burnt it. Again, I just started crying. I don't like it when I cry. Thats all I seem to get done doing. I was able to get up and get another gown on and did my best with my thigh. Last Thursday, I was in the kitchen with my home health aide and I was making a cup of chocolate milk. When I picked it up, I dropped it, and the whole cup was all over the floor. And she just washed the floor. I'm glad she has a good sence of humor. Since then, all I keep doing is dropping things. My hands aren't working right like they did. I was so glad it was the weekend too, because dh was here with me. He's already called me to see if things are going ok. I told him about the hot coffee.
Dh was very helpful to me all weekend. I don't know what I would've done without him. I appreciate everything that he does for me. My BP yesterday morning was 149/135. Pulse was 112. It's gone down a lot. This morning it's 141/86. I do these before I get out of bed.
My legs, mainly my right one are swelling again. I don't know the 'why' in this. I'm starting to get used to it. I don't know if thats bad or good. Just used to it. I wanted to take a nice hot bath last night. Dh wouldn't let me alone, and I'm glad. He seen how I have to struggle just to shave my legs, (my legs don't 'twist' anymore from the hip, they are just straight) and just how hard it is for me really just to do anything. He kept telling me to breath. I told him thats what happens when I get a bath, it takes so much out of me. Thats sad. I should be able to take a bath if I want to, on my own without getting so out of breath. When I was done, I hurried to get my oxyden on. Of course that helped me.
*****This might offend someone*****
Dh had came down and was talking to me in my bedroom. ( LOL....I'll tell you later ) I asked him if he might have noticed how much it takes out of me just to bath. My hips really don't work anymore and nor do my shoulders. Which makes it hard to do certain things in everyone's life. I asked him that when he is here, if he could wipe me after I go #2? I feel so bad having to actually ask that. I've told myself, if I ever have to have someone do that for me, then there goes my dignaty out the window. I can't do it anymore because of my stupid shoulders. There has been way too many things happening to me all at once again. I'm losing so much more abilities again. It's 99.9% to where I shouldn't be here alone anymore. After I get done with this, I'll play some games on Pogo then go back and watch tv in bed. The thing that I thought was funny; Dh bought me an air conditioner just for my room. Yes, we do have central air but it doesn't seem to be enough anymore. My system is out of whack. He told me that now that I have that in my room, that I can freeze myself as much and often as I want to. When he came in to talk to me, he had on 2 coats and a pair of gloves. lol I had it pretty cold. I think it was 60. Plus 2 fans going. :o) It was perfect for me.
From me dropping almost eveything I've had in my hands this weekend and then having to ask him if he could wipe me, my mood isn't too good. I do feel depressed and just overloaded with too many things that I'm losing so fast once again. My meldown wasn't even done yet. I'll just chuck it in with all of the other things thats fueling this meltdown.
I hope you like the pictures above.
Lisa
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Hi hunny I wish I could just take it all away!! Log whenever you need to whatever you need to, I am always here to listen and read anything you need to get off your chest. IF you ever really want to vent and are fearful of doing it here shoot me an IM or email anytime ;)
Love you and hugs, Robyn -
I agree with Jeans comment...#2. She says it well...and very clearly. JMO
Pam -
I wouldn't wish what you have to go through day by day on anyone. I just wish you didn't have to go through it. I know it gets tiresome for you. No major words of wisdom from me, just hopin' you will have a good day tomorrow and thn the next. Luv ya!
Allison -
Your new snuggle bunny is awfully cute. I wish beyond wishing that I could do something for you, that I had the power to make sure you had your health and your dignity. Hope you have a decent hump day tomorrow Lisa.
Phil
5/7/08 11:34 PM