Never Give Up

Kira had to have an emergency appendectomy on the 22nd... it went well with no complications. She went home the next morning. I had Zadie last night and will keep her til tomorrow morning... So I got most of the day off from work!!! Needed some time off anyway!

My poor parents were in Denver when all this happened... my dad kept telling me that he could rent a plane and be home in a couple of hours!!! It would have been all over by the time he got here!

Kira is only restricted from lifting Zadie for two weeks... they did it laprosopicly... I'm sure that's spelling wrong! She just had three little bandaids on her tummy when they were done... one of the holes had to be made bigger than usual because her apendix was so enlarged!

I was less than pleased by Jeff's reaction to the situation... it was underwhelming and he was equally vague and distant about when he was going to be in town... I guess he's blowing me off. Oh well, not the first time he's done that!

It's ok really... I have several men I've been talking to on-line who are very interesting and are equally interested in me! So time to move on and have some fun!

 

shadierush at 1:08:34 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

Well this weekend sucked! Jeff didn't get in til late on Friday and I was too tired to go anywhere, then I had Zadie Saturday night and we were going to get together tonight but he got called out of town again... poo!

My parents just left for their vacation... they will be gone for a fw weeks. In two weeks Kenny will be staying here and working at the RV Lot... Not really looking forward to that!

Kelly decided to get drunk yesterday and left me 13 stupid drunken messages on my phone! I even talked to him once and he still kept on calling. I'm suposed to go over there tonight and go over the taxes for the house with him. He's all mad because he got a notice saying that the taxes from 2004 haven't been paid... I told him once he had to get a job and get those paid by the end of this year! I'm also going to tell him that I'm not going to continue to pay his bills for him much longer... I know, I shouldn't pay them at all but I'm trying to give him some even ground to start off on... I'm WAY too nice!

shadierush at 4:19:16 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

So I still don't know if Jeff is back in town or not. He has a tendancy to not want to tell me he's coming back... just wants to show up! He thinks it's romantic, I don't. Oh well, guess I'll have to learn to live with it.

So the baby bird in my chimney fell down the chimney into my fireplace and then out of the fireplace and into my laundry basket, where it died. Not so sad that it died... Not so thrilled to find it in my dirty laundry!

Work today was very slow and I finally got all caught up since we took three days off for the 4th. I even got to go outside and mow a little... I mowed until the mower over-heated!

 

shadierush at 8:40:09 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

So I'm waiting to see if Jeff got back from Arkansas or not... He wasn't sure when he was coming back when he left. I miss talking to him! Sure do wish he hadn't forgotten the cord to his computer... I want to talk to him about Kira. She wants a DNA test but she doesn't want anyone but her to know the results! She wants to keep all her brother's and sister's regardless of who her real dad is... so now I've got to tell Jeff that we want to swab his mouth but he doesn't get to know the results! I don't think he'll have a problem with that... we haven't known for sure all these years! But I've still got to talk to him about it and it's not a bar conversation!

I've got a nest of birds in my chimney and they are driving me crazy!!!! They squack all night long!

Aura got a new job today, but more importantly her boyfriend got a new job at an Arcitectual firm doing Drafting!!! I'm so happy for him!

 

shadierush at 6:57:33 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

So Kelly isn't dying after all. There was absolutely nothing wrong with his CT scan, he just assumed that there was because they wanted to do the colonoscopy! Which also turned out to be perfectly clear. So he's not dying, he's not even sick!

I, on the other hand, woke up Saturday with a rash all over both my legs and it hurt like he** to pee... I slept all day Sunday then went to the Doctor first thing this morning with a fever of 104! I have a bladder infection that went septic. They gave me a shot of antibiotics and told me to go home and go to bed, which I couldn't do because I had to take Kelly for his colonoscopy...

So now Kira has more dental surgery and we have Zadie again for the night and I am exhausted!!!

Jeff is in Arkansas for a couple of days working and I didn't go see him on Saturday because I was feeling so bad... and now I miss him. We spent the night together on Friday night... It was wonderful to sleep with his arms wrapped around me... I felt so safe and warm and protected. Like I was home again. He forgot his cord to his lap-top so I can't even talk to him while he's gone this time except for text messages... oh well...

 

shadierush at 8:17:54 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

I was with Jeff last night... it was awsome!!! He's working not too far from here so he's driving back and forth everyday so I'll get to spend some time with him this weekend. I'm waiting for my jeans to wash before I go meet him tonight!

It looks like my soon to be X-husband had some kind of growth in his intestines... It might be cancer or something else... I am taking him in for a colonoscopy on Monday. I don't want to spend the whole afternoon waiting on him but someone has to be with him and I'm all he's got. He's understandably very scared. Pray that I have the patience and kindness to help him through this whatever it is.

Kira's surgery went well. She's doing pretty good today already. I ended up with Kurt and Zadie all night and all day the next day at work... My Dad watched Zadie a lot, and Kurt played computer games all day long!

I've been absolutely swamped at work lately!!! I am just now beginning to get caught up on everything... got all my parts on order and am catching up on warranty claims... I love having the long weekend, but it sure did set us back! And my check today was REALLY small!!!

A friend asked me today if finding out that Kelly might be dying changed how I feel about us breaking up and I've got to say it doesn't... it would be very sad, and I'd do whatever I can for him, but it doesn't change the fact that I can never trust him again. Our marrage is over.

shadierush at 6:33:46 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

He didn't get back to me for a whole day! But last night we were on-line chatting for hours... He says that he wants a commitment but is too afraid right now. I understand that! But he's giving this a chance to see where it leads. That's all I wanted!

I wish I could express how I feel about this guy... I just feel so GOOD when I am with him!

I am planning to go to where ever he is this weekend. He's in construction and travels alot all over the mid-west, he's close today but he's leaving there tonight or tomorrow and we don't know where he's going yet. If it's within a four hour drive I'm going to go see him.

I am babysitting Zadie tonight, Kira has to have dental surgery in the morning.

shadierush at 6:54:27 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

I had such a WONDERFUL weekend!!! I spent every free moment I had with Jeff... we went to the Drive-in and cooked out and just hung out together... It was so GREAT!

I sent him an e-mail today that I am regreting sending... tell me what you think here it is:

Jeff,

I’ve been writing this letter in my head all day long and still don’t have the words right...

I was going to ask you a question, but I’ve decided against that, instead I’m just going to let you know what’s going on in my head...

First off I was going to ask you if I should keep dating. I know I told you I’ve had a lot of men wanting to date me off that singles.net ad I put up, and I don’t want to lie to anyone or give them false hope, so I’ve decided that I am NOT going to date anyone besides you.

I would rather spend two months waiting to spend one day with you then spend every day for two months with someone else.

I am not asking you not to date anyone else... although... well, you know how I feel about you. I’m just asking you to let me know if I’m completely wrong about us, if there is no chance that we can be together for real, please just say so. I just have my hopes up right now, when you called me "your woman" at Joey’s the other day I felt my heart skip a beat... It just meant too much to me... I don’t want to have my hopes up if I’m just being stupid here.

I’m not asking for any kind of commitment from you, or anything set in stone... just needing to get an idea of how you feel at this point... I hope I’m not being too pushy... I know I tend to be too pushy sometimes, if I am, just say so!

For the record, I want to be with you. I want to be able to say that I am your girl friend. I want... whatever you can give.

Love,

Shadie

 

So I have no idea what his reaction will be... We've been together before but it was always just as "friends with benifits" but this time feels different.. the "Friends with benifits" was all he was willing to give before... I THINK he may be feeling differently this time... Am I being too pushy???? I have no idea, but felt that I had to ask.

I hope to GOD that he reads and answers today... I'm absolutly frazzeled to hear what he has to say!

shadierush at 7:07:39 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

I had a date tonight... not just with any random guy either. It was with the love of my life. We've been friends since high school and tried to be together several times, but cercumstances just weren't right... I got nervous driving over to meet him! He kissed me good night and my heart fluttered!!!! I had butterflies in my tummy like a teenager! And I could tell he felt the same way too!!!

We're going to go to the drive-in tomorrow night and on Saturday we're going to have a cookout at his house. He works out of town so we want to see each other as much as we can while he's here...

This is so exciting!!!! This could really be IT. This time we won't have kids or illness to keep us apart... maybe this time we could make it work!!! I am SO happy right now!

shadierush at 3:44:43 AM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

I went to my X's house tonight and he wasn't home... I don't know weather to be pissed off or relieved! Mostly I'm relieved, but it's 27 miles to drive just for him to not be there. I thought about going over to my friend's house, he lives just a couple blocks away, but I am tired and didn't really want to so I didn't!

He wants me to come over on Thursday too, it's his birthday... I don't think it will be a very happy one, especially if I go over there because we just fight whenever we see each other. He said he wrote down a few things he wants to talk to me about... I'm temped to write down a few things myself, only I don't really want to talk about them, I just want him to leave me alone and I know if I tell him I think he's a crazy shrew he'll just come up with some new rediculous story about why he's that way... I do think that I'm going to tell him that I don't believe in his crazy religion... That should give him a moment to think about weather or not we should be together! He's VERY Serious about his religion!

I'm tired of dealing with him or even thinking about him!

On a more positive note I've reconnected with some friends and they are really being suportive, and I've made some new friends on-line who know what I'm going thru and are really helping me get thru this. I'm one of those people who makes friends real easy and I must not be all that bad looking because I always have men who are interested in dating me... I've never been a "there's only one true love for me" kind of person. For me there's always someone else I can enjoy spending time with just waiting to be found.

shadierush at 8:09:09 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own