Never Give Up

September 3

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 04:10:55 GMT

So, I've had insomnia now for three days. I know why, I am testifying at my X-boyfriend's child custody hearing tomorrow... I am one of the main witnesses. I am very nervous. I am afraid I'll come off sounding crazy! Or somehow make things worse for him or say something stupid... I wouldn't care except that a child's life is in the balance here... His X-wife is completely insane, and the judge has GOT to see that!

I got a big fat paycheck last week! I took both my daughter's out to dinner and bought a bunch of christmas presents on-line. I'm going to have to start buying more practical things... my Dad asked me if I had thought about moving out yet last Sunday... I own nothing. No bed, no dresser, no appliances, no silverware, no pots and pans, no towels.... The list goes on and on! All I do have is some plates, a steamer, and two chairs, clothes and LOT AND LOTS of pictures, and my computer, but no desk to put it on...

Jeff's still out of town... I haven't even talked to him in a couple of days. But that's life.

August 24

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 00:58:55 GMT

I finally told Kelly that I am definately filing for divorce. I decided enough time had passed that I wasn't as angry as I had been and that I STILL feel that I can't be with him so it was time to tell him it's over. He took it better than I expected.

I went today and bought new out-fits for all the kids. I went to the bank, then K-Mart then Aura's then Kira's... After I slept almost all day!

Mom and Dad came home a few days ago, and Ralph, our old shop manager died the day after they got home. His funeral is Monady... He'd been sick for a long time and Dad said he was ready to go, in a lot of pain and stuff. He had cancer.

Kenny moved out today, in with his sister. Thank You Lord!!! He was such a slob! And I found out yesterday that instead of taking the trash down to the lot and throwing it away he was just stashing it in the garage!!! So now I've got this big mess in the garage to clean up...

Jeff is in Denton Texas... He will be for a while. It sucks and I miss him.

August 13

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 05:24:04 GMT

Kira got the results of her DNA test with Jeff and it was positive... 15 out of 15 matches... You could have knocked me over with a feather! I would have sworn Jeff wasn't her father!

I'm glad for her and Brendon tho... he's a cool kid and now he's got some family of his own. We spent Sunday all over at her house... Jeremy cooked us dinner and did an awsome job!!! We all just sat around and talked... it was nice, nothing exciting, but nice.

Jeff and I went out Friday and Saturday nights. Friday we just met up at the bar he hangs out in and I left early because I had to work on Saturday. Then Saturday night we went to the drive-in and saw the new Mummy movie and The Dark Knight... Didn't get back to his house until 3:30am then on Sunday we got up and went and had brunch with Matt and then shopping and over to Kira's... I didn't get home until almost 10 o'clock Sunday night....

And now he's gone... out of town working for between 5 and 7 weeks... WAY down in Texas where I can't even go see him! So I'm sad.

On the plus side he seems to be leaning towards the two of us being together...

I stayed home from work today and cleaned the stupid house... mom and dad are suposed to be back in a few days and the kitchen was in real bad shape and the bathrooms weren't much better... Dad should be happier when he gets home this time... The kitchen was a mess and so were the bathrooms when he left, so I've obviously done some cleaning!

July 28

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 00:37:40 GMT

My God... My brother brought some girl and her 3 year old over so he and she could sit in the hot tub and I was suposed to watch the 3 year old... who wanted none of that! then my brother fell out of the hot tub and nearly passed out cold! He scraped his back up really badly and was very imbarassed!

Now he's talking about staying the night here... so I'll have to babysit him!

All in all a very bad day.

July 24

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:08:34 GMT

Kira had to have an emergency appendectomy on the 22nd... it went well with no complications. She went home the next morning. I had Zadie last night and will keep her til tomorrow morning... So I got most of the day off from work!!! Needed some time off anyway!

My poor parents were in Denver when all this happened... my dad kept telling me that he could rent a plane and be home in a couple of hours!!! It would have been all over by the time he got here!

Kira is only restricted from lifting Zadie for two weeks... they did it laprosopicly... I'm sure that's spelling wrong! She just had three little bandaids on her tummy when they were done... one of the holes had to be made bigger than usual because her apendix was so enlarged!

I was less than pleased by Jeff's reaction to the situation... it was underwhelming and he was equally vague and distant about when he was going to be in town... I guess he's blowing me off. Oh well, not the first time he's done that!

It's ok really... I have several men I've been talking to on-line who are very interesting and are equally interested in me! So time to move on and have some fun!

June 20

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 20:19:16 GMT

Well this weekend sucked! Jeff didn't get in til late on Friday and I was too tired to go anywhere, then I had Zadie Saturday night and we were going to get together tonight but he got called out of town again... poo!

My parents just left for their vacation... they will be gone for a fw weeks. In two weeks Kenny will be staying here and working at the RV Lot... Not really looking forward to that!

Kelly decided to get drunk yesterday and left me 13 stupid drunken messages on my phone! I even talked to him once and he still kept on calling. I'm suposed to go over there tonight and go over the taxes for the house with him. He's all mad because he got a notice saying that the taxes from 2004 haven't been paid... I told him once he had to get a job and get those paid by the end of this year! I'm also going to tell him that I'm not going to continue to pay his bills for him much longer... I know, I shouldn't pay them at all but I'm trying to give him some even ground to start off on... I'm WAY too nice!

June 17

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 00:40:09 GMT

So I still don't know if Jeff is back in town or not. He has a tendancy to not want to tell me he's coming back... just wants to show up! He thinks it's romantic, I don't. Oh well, guess I'll have to learn to live with it.

So the baby bird in my chimney fell down the chimney into my fireplace and then out of the fireplace and into my laundry basket, where it died. Not so sad that it died... Not so thrilled to find it in my dirty laundry!

Work today was very slow and I finally got all caught up since we took three days off for the 4th. I even got to go outside and mow a little... I mowed until the mower over-heated!

July 15

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 22:57:33 GMT

So I'm waiting to see if Jeff got back from Arkansas or not... He wasn't sure when he was coming back when he left. I miss talking to him! Sure do wish he hadn't forgotten the cord to his computer... I want to talk to him about Kira. She wants a DNA test but she doesn't want anyone but her to know the results! She wants to keep all her brother's and sister's regardless of who her real dad is... so now I've got to tell Jeff that we want to swab his mouth but he doesn't get to know the results! I don't think he'll have a problem with that... we haven't known for sure all these years! But I've still got to talk to him about it and it's not a bar conversation!

I've got a nest of birds in my chimney and they are driving me crazy!!!! They squack all night long!

Aura got a new job today, but more importantly her boyfriend got a new job at an Arcitectual firm doing Drafting!!! I'm so happy for him!

July 14

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 00:17:54 GMT

So Kelly isn't dying after all. There was absolutely nothing wrong with his CT scan, he just assumed that there was because they wanted to do the colonoscopy! Which also turned out to be perfectly clear. So he's not dying, he's not even sick!

I, on the other hand, woke up Saturday with a rash all over both my legs and it hurt like he** to pee... I slept all day Sunday then went to the Doctor first thing this morning with a fever of 104! I have a bladder infection that went septic. They gave me a shot of antibiotics and told me to go home and go to bed, which I couldn't do because I had to take Kelly for his colonoscopy...

So now Kira has more dental surgery and we have Zadie again for the night and I am exhausted!!!

Jeff is in Arkansas for a couple of days working and I didn't go see him on Saturday because I was feeling so bad... and now I miss him. We spent the night together on Friday night... It was wonderful to sleep with his arms wrapped around me... I felt so safe and warm and protected. Like I was home again. He forgot his cord to his lap-top so I can't even talk to him while he's gone this time except for text messages... oh well...

July 11

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 22:33:46 GMT

I was with Jeff last night... it was awsome!!! He's working not too far from here so he's driving back and forth everyday so I'll get to spend some time with him this weekend. I'm waiting for my jeans to wash before I go meet him tonight!

It looks like my soon to be X-husband had some kind of growth in his intestines... It might be cancer or something else... I am taking him in for a colonoscopy on Monday. I don't want to spend the whole afternoon waiting on him but someone has to be with him and I'm all he's got. He's understandably very scared. Pray that I have the patience and kindness to help him through this whatever it is.

Kira's surgery went well. She's doing pretty good today already. I ended up with Kurt and Zadie all night and all day the next day at work... My Dad watched Zadie a lot, and Kurt played computer games all day long!

I've been absolutely swamped at work lately!!! I am just now beginning to get caught up on everything... got all my parts on order and am catching up on warranty claims... I love having the long weekend, but it sure did set us back! And my check today was REALLY small!!!

A friend asked me today if finding out that Kelly might be dying changed how I feel about us breaking up and I've got to say it doesn't... it would be very sad, and I'd do whatever I can for him, but it doesn't change the fact that I can never trust him again. Our marrage is over.