Learning to Love ... ME

Listening to my devotionals this morning, I kept hearing about forgiveness and how we have to forgive those who have wronged us before we are able to put our life back on track.  I’ve had to scratch my head a few times, it seems that I keep forgiving, and every time I do someone does something that upsets me once again.  It’s like these folks thrive on keeping unrest in those around them.  I have said time and time again, I want to put behind me the drama, to live my life in peace and have made arrangements so that the other person and I could talk with a third party to discuss the settlement.  I’ve tried and have been told no way will there be a third party there.  So, I am left thinking, what now?  My anger and hurt are long gone. 

I realized that I am worth so much more than to “share” anyone or to not be treated decently by anyone that I date.  I have never, nor will I suspect that I will ever have a hard time meeting anyone or finding a date.  Imagine that?  Although, I have been accused of having a desperate outlook on life and am trying to hang on to one person… Nope, not so, remember yesterday’s blog when I mentioned things were said that I had to laugh out loud over?  I am friendly, and have a huge heart.  When I ask anyone who has ever met me, to describe me, I hear something like this, “Shari, you are loyal to a fault, too funny, your personality is so delightful, and you are truly a beautiful person, and we know that if you tell us something, without a doubt you will carry through, your word is golden.”  Those are friends who have known me for years and they know the real me.  Not the idea of some one’s demented mind as how they’d wish I was. 

I enjoy reading, a passion I have had for a long time.  In reading, I read books that open my mind to different possibilities, self help books, books that explain why some folks think the way they do.  I have read of people who when they describe someone will reflect their own personality on the person they have described.  For instant;  I was described as being lonely, desperate, no self esteem, willing to accept a fantasy life if I had to, to hold on to one certain man.  Yeah, I sat there stunned for a bit and asked myself, what gives this person the right to even begin to write such bull?  And then, I remembered having read that sometimes people can only express themselves when describing others.  So there is someone who had been trying to describe their hurt, their feelings and transferring that to describe me. 

Just know that I sympathize with whoever this person is.  They are genuinely hurting and crying out for help. They have no idea how desperate they sound… and how my heart broke thinking what a sad state of affairs their life must be to really only live it through someone else.  It was said I had a bitter, hateful heart… no, I have a heart filled with happiness; I have a heart filled with love, and compassion for others.  If it were not, then I would have not been able to have forgiven the demented mind of the person who is trying so hard to live their life through me.  I wouldn’t have been able to have seen the sickness that has caused them to attack me.  But I know God will in his time put his healing hand upon them and they will be whole.  I have forgiven them, but I will not subject myself to a friendship with anyone who’s this way. 

Have you ever gotten a thorn in your finger?  It hurts, as long as that thorn is sticking in your finger.  So naturally you know that to make the hurt go away, you remove the thorn from your finger.  It may take a while, but soon your finger will heal, and you may or may not have a scar from that thorn.  But the hurt slowly goes away.  This is how I feel about this person, they hurt me… I removed them from my life, and yes, there may or may not be a scar, but if there is… I praise God, because I have learned that I shouldn’t touch a thorn like that again.  I have learned a valuable lesson, and in doing so, I have healed. I have forgiven.  Yes, I have forgiven myself for believing that everyone is a good and caring person.  Life is full of lessons, every day we live, we learn… God will never stop teachingus. I praise his name for his guidance.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank YOU for the lessons you’ve shown me in my life.  Every day you are showing me more and more of the woman you’ve created.  I pray that you use me Lord to tell of YOUR amazing healing powers.  I praise you Lord for the pain you’ve help me remove from my life; I thank you that you showed me how to give up the hurt and to move past it with forgiveness.  I am yours Lord to use as you need me…  Dear Father, thank you for my family, my friends both good and bad, my neighbors… My community and my Church… Lord please touch the hearts, souls and bodies of those who are sick of mind or body.  I pray that you help those who are suffering with thoughts that they can only share by trying to harm others.  Lord your will be done.  Thank you for the happiness with my heart, the love you have filled it with and the ability to touch others.  Lord I am so blessed.  Amen.

|  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this