5/21 Home alone, A Fool & His Squeaky Wheel, & Problems at Heli-Pad 1

For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Joe told him; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike.

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There was an annoying clerk who worked in a downtown office. In particular, he had two habits which drove his co-workers batty.
First of all, there was the squeaky wheel on his chair. All day long, his every movement was announced through the building. Worse yet was his habit of telling bad puns. You would have thought the office was an infirmary from the sound of the groans. One day, after opening his lunch box and stating that the wurst was yet to come, things finally came to a head. It seemed that violence would shortly ensue if nothing was done.
It was at this point when the office's good Samaritan stepped in. He sat the clerk down and talked over the problems with him. He got the clerk's promise to stop with the puns and to fix the wheels on his chair. Just a short while later, all were overjoyed to see him on his knees with an oilcan by his chair. The good Samaritan came walking up, and with a broad smile stated how happy he was to see him "casting oil on troubled waters." Unfortunately, the clerk could not restrain himself and replied, "Au contrario, I am watering oil on troubled casters."
Of course, it was too much, and the clerk was abruptly deposited down the mail chute with everyone's blessings. Which just goes to show that, "a fool and his punning are soon martyred!"

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Late one night, during bad weather, the following was heard over the radio at an airport control tower: Helicopter Pilot: "Tower, I'm holding at 3000 feet over Heli-pad 1." Second voice: "No! You can't be doing that! I'm holding at 3000 over that pad!" There was a brief moment of silence. First voice again: "You idiot! You're my co-pilot!"

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5/21 Home alone, A Fool & His Squeaky Wheel, & Problems at Heli-Pad 1