5/25 Talking nuts & Loan

A guy walks into a bar and notices he's the only one there, apart from the barkeep, who's on the phone. The barkeep signals him that he'll be with him in a minute. The guy nods and bellies up to the bar to wait. Suddenly, he hears a little voice say, "Hey, you're looking pretty sharp today. New suit?" The guy looks around but can't see anyone else in the place. He hears the voice again. "Seriously...you are looking good, chum. Have you lost weight?" The guy looks around again and still doesn't see anyone. "Hello?" he asks. "Is someone speaking to me?" "You bet! I just had to say that I thought you were looking just super!" A bunch of other tiny voices suddenly rose in agreement. The guy realizes now that these voices are coming from a bowl of beer nuts on the bar in front of him. He stares at them as the barkeep finally hangs up and comes to serve his only customer. "What'll you have?" asks the barkeep. "What?... Oh, a pint of ale, I guess," mutters the guy, still staring at the nuts. He finally looks up at the barkeep drawing his pint. "What's the deal with these nuts?" he asks. The barkeep brings the guy's pint over and sets it before him. "They're complimentary," he shrugs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patti Whack, so he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat, and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says "$30,000.00." The banker asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger...and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure, I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you, and he wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as "collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant and says, "I mean, what the heck is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack, Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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5/25 Talking nuts & Loan