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Friday, April 14, 2006
11:16:33 AM PDT
"NUMBER TWO THOUSAND AND ONE"
(Verse 1)
Today would be the day I got
My Gynecologist Degree
I hung that sucker up on the wall
So the whole damn world could see
That it don't matter who you are
Or where the hell you come from
As long as your a kinky,
got some stinky on your dinky
Good lookin son of a gun
(Chorus)
Good lookin son of a gun
One good lookin son of a gun
Pullin down slacks..checkin cracks & racks
Workin hard on having some fun
Good lookin son of a gun
One good lookin son of a gun
Number Two Thousand and one
Good lookin son of a gun
Squeeze that Trigger Boy
(Instrumental)
(Verse 2)
Today would be the day I caught
A certain kind of social disease
The punch hit me below the belt,
Knockin me down to my knees
My assistant yelled out clap
My patients got up from their seats
My burnin sensation, got a standin ovation
Which led me into this speech
(Chorus)
Good lookin son of a gun
One good lookin son of a gun
Pullin down slacks,checkin cracks & racks
Workin hard on havin some fun
Good lookin son of a gun
Yea one good lookin son of a gun
Number Two Thousand and one
Good lookin son of a gun
Number two thousand and one
Good lookin son of a gun
A little bit crazy and spun
Good lookin son of a gun
Good lookin son of a gun
Yea I'm a good lookin son
Just a way too cool.. lopin his mule,
Good lookin son of a gun
That's All Folks.
Written By:M.Shockley
April 6th 2006
Written by shotgunscoot33
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Saturday, March 25, 2006
9:26:20 PM PST
"THE HORSE,CHICKEN & THE HARLEY"
The horse, chicken & the Harley
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.
One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to No avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, The chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.
After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, And the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between The two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a small mud pit, and soon, he Too began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over and straddled the mud pit.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story?
(yep, there's a moral!)"When You're Hung Like A Horse,
You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!"
Written by shotgunscoot33
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9:23:38 PM PST
"SCOOT BUYS HIS OL LADY A VOODOO PENIS"
Scoot was getting ready to go on a run.
He knows his ol lady's a flirtatious bitch with a sky high sex drive, so he thought he'd better get her a little something to keep her hot ass occupied while he was gone.
Scoot stops at the Hotdog Bookstore and starts looking around for some kind of special sex toy to please his ol lady, and starts talking to the old man behind the counter. When he explains his situation. The old man says, "Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.
"Except what?" Scoot asks.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" Scoot asks.
The old man reaches under the counter, and pulls out a very old wooden box,carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opens it, and there lays an ordinary-looking! dildo.
Scoot laughs, and says, "Big fuckin deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replies, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He points to a door and says, "Voodoo Penis, the door." The Voodoo Penis jumps out of its box, darts over to the door, and starts fucking the keyhole. The whole door shakes so much from the vibrations,
that a crack begins to form down the middle.
Before the door splits, the old man says "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"
The Voodoo Penis stops, and jumps back into the box and lays there quiet once more.
"I'll take it!" says Scoot.
So Scoot takes it home to his ol lady, tells her it's a special dildo and that to use it, all she has to do is say "Voodoo Penis, my pussy."
After Scoot's been gone a few days, his ol lady gets real fuckin horny and
remembers the Voodoo Penis. She undresses, opens the box and says Voodoo Penis, my pussy!
" The Voodoo Penis shoots to her pussy and starts pumping.
It was fuckin incredible, like nothin she'd ever experienced before.
After three mind-shattering orgasms, she becomes very exhausted and decides she's had enough.
She tries to pull it out, but it's stuck in her pussy,still pumping away. She tries and tries to get it out, but nothing works.
Scoot had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decides to go to the hospital to see if they can help.
She puts her clothes on, gets in her car and starts to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo.
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm makes her swerve all over the road.
A police officer see's her weaving and immediately pulls her over.
He asks for her license, and then asks how much she's had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explains, "I haven't had anything to drink officer! Ya see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my pussy and it won't stop fucking me!"
The officer looks at her for a second, shakes his head ,and in an arrogant fuckin voice replies, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass." BAD CALL! The rest is history...
Written by shotgunscoot33
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12:55:09 PM PST
"TRY TEQUILA"
Do you suffer from shyness? Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.
Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.
Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.
Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.
Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.
Tequila®. Leave Shyness Behind
Written by shotgunscoot33
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12:22:22 PM PST
"SICKS THINGS ABOUT ME"
Today I found in my messages one from my friend who said "You've been tagged, read my blog". I'm a sucker for anything that makes me curious so I went directly there. She has creatively come up with a blog that says you have to write a blog that tells six things about you that nobody knows and then post them.. Pretty creative way of getting people to talk to, and ABOUT, each other! I'm game! I presume that she means things that MOST people don't know about me cause there aren't many things that NOBODY knows.
1. I was born inside a hurricane off the coast of California near Asshole Bay on February 15th, 1751
2. I am the oldest of 33 brothers & sisters,15 & a half sisters & 16 & a half brothers,and even though I loved them with all my heart, I killed them and fed them to my chinese dawg ,Busser_Brown... Now Ol Busser he didn't mind the half sister/half brother sibling,matter of fact..Ol Busser ate it first.. Bet he was thinkin(half duck-half chicken)
3.Met my real Dad in a mental hospital when I was 33.. He seemed to be such a nice caring dude. I can still hear the concern in his voice as he screamed these last words to me."DON'T SON,THAT GUNS LOADED !
4.I loved my children,but I guess not as much as Busser Brown did. Any way Ol Busser's sure gettin fat
5. I love cute cuddley little kittens.Ya know,if ya cut them real thin,they ain't as tough as ya think. Ol Busser won't touch em,but I eat everything but their meow.
6. I'm really into that religion crap ...God, keeps telling me to kill,and so i do it religiouly.
WELL THAT'S SICKS THINGS..
LATER ON,
SCOOT
Written by shotgunscoot33
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12:08:26 PM PST
"WHOREHOUSE JOHNNY"
"WHOREHOUSE JOHNNY"
(Dedicated to John Gumina)
(The Real Italian Stallion)
(Verse 1)
Busted Flat face down and dirty
In a Whorehouse near Carson City
Sat the worn out Whorehouse Johnny
Still holdin one last kitty
He was worn down to the bone
And too tired to spoon his nose
Talkin trash to the girls in Latin
Whorehouse Johnny finally froze
(Chorus)
Poor Whorehouse Johnny
Can't get off the floor
Poor Whorehouse Johnny
Looks a little tired and worn
Came here to give a lesson
But a lesson he willl learn
After 20 days of non-stop cattin
Whorehouse Johnny would adjourn
(Verse 2)
Some friends came up from Placerville
When they got the call
Sayin come and get your Brother
He's finally took a fall
Please tell him when he's in town again
We'd like to thank him and then
Take Mister Whorehouse Johnny
And nail him to the Wall
(Chorus)
Poor Whorehouse Johnny
Can't get off the floor
Poor Whorehouse Johnny
Looks a little tired and worn
Came here to give a lesson
But a lesson he willl learn
After 20 days of non-stop cattin
Whorehouse Johnny would adjourn
Yea Whorehouse Johnny would adjourn
Give.... some.....body... else.... a... turn
Written by: Scoot Shockley
Copyrighted:November 9th 1994
Written by shotgunscoot33
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Friday, March 3, 2006
11:39:04 AM PST
"IN ANOTHER LIFE"
"IN ANOTHER LIFE"
(Verse 1)
Vagina Vagina Vagina
tastes so sweet
Kinda Kinda Kinda
My favorite sexual treat
Love it in the Morning
It's my afternoon delight
Here's a little warning
It's my midnight snack at night
(Chorus)
WENT DOWN ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND
WENT DOWN ON YOUR WIFE
I MUSTA BEEN A LESBIAN
IN ANOTHER LIFE
MEMORY'S SO SHARP
CUT THROUGH ME LIKE A KNIFE
I MUSTA BEEN A LESBIAN
IN ANOTHER LIFE
YEA I MUSTA BEEN A LESBIAN
IN SOME OTHER LIFE.
(Verse 2)
Pussy Pussy Pussy
Gimme Gimme More
Juicy Juicy Juicy
My favorite Hors Devour
There is only two
That comes to mind
the good old loose
and the loose ol good kind
(Chorus)
WENT DOWN ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND
WENT DOWN ON YOUR WIFE
I MUSTA BEEN A LESBIAN
IN ANOTHER LIFE
MEMORY'S SO SHARP
CUT THROUGH ME LIKE A KNIFE
I MUSTA BEEN A LESBIAN
IN ANOTHER LIFE
YEA I WENT DOWN ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND
WENT WAY DOWN ON YOUR WIFE YEA I MUSTA BEEN A LESBIAN
IN ANOTHER LIFE.
YEA I MUSTA BEEN A LESBIAN
IN ANOTHER LIFE.
YEA I MUSTA BEEN A LESBIAN
IN ANOTHER LIFE.
YEA I MUSTA BEEN A LESBIAN
IN SOME OTHER LIFE.
GOTTA BUY ME SOME COMFORTABLE SHOES
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEA
Written By:M.Shockley
February 26th, 2006
Written by shotgunscoot33
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