yathink?

12:21:25 PM CDT

So moving to a new home for my journal hasn't been too big of a deal.  I had a little glitch with people trying to follow me and weren't able-but miraculously I fixed it all by myself.  So, if you have been there and had problems, please go back and let me know if things work as they should.  So far I have just spent way too much time looking around and trying to keep up with my favorite journals.  After all is said and done once the move has been made it really isn't too big of deal where I spill the thoughts that run around in my head.  Now to wait and see if AOL is going away totally. 

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10:19:00 AM CDT

..and so it goes.

"YaThink?"  and here is where I'll be found if you are interested.  I think anyway, still learning that whole thing over there and I haven't even learned everything here.  I am busy trying to keep up with the journals I follow, I hope I don't lose anyone.  I hate change-no matter how good "they" say it is for you...........

 

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9:44:29 AM CDT
Feeling Hopeful

 Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.                                      — Albert Einstein

 

A little update-or an update on my little life…..

 

I have had a busy week. Some good, some bad but I made my way through.  That is better than the alternative I suppose, whatever that would be.

 

I wonder how it is that I get children who are so, so…hmmmmm BULLHEADED.  Good Lord.  I don’t know where they get it from but whomever it comes from it is instilled deep in my children.  I keep telling myself this will be good as they get older-they will be leaders not followers.  Do their own thing – the thing they know is right!! LOL A mother can dream.

 

Last night I about lost my mind trying to teach my child to spell: poisonous, practice and harmonica.  The other twelve words he pretty much knew but those three, no matter what I tried I couldn’t make him get it.  At 9 last night I was almost screaming; “H. A. R. M. O. N. I. C. A. –YOU CAN HEAR EVERY LETTER-SOUND IT OUT!!”  Sometimes he can be so much like me lol and I still almost always spell practice wrong.  I am totally prepared to look at the results of this spelling test and see those 3 words right and the other 12 all wrong.  Even so, these words seem kind of tough for 3rd grade.  I figure by the time he hits 5th grade math we will really be in a jam, might be hiring tutors at that point. Lol

 

The TanMan has adjusted well to kindergarten-he loves the socialization. He doesn’t much care if he learns to write or read though.   Such a different child compared to his older brother.  In kindergarten I am making deals with the child to get him to sit and do his homework.  This looks like one longggg road ahead.  Good thing I only have 2 kids that’s all I can say.

 

Yesterday was picture day and I sent both my loving little boys off to the bus with grouchy, mean faces.  They don’t seem to get that I pay for the school photos so I get to pick the clothes and hair style for that day!!!  Lol Well, sometimes I do win (even though it doesn’t feel like a win) and both my boys stomped out of the house all ticked off at me.  Then I spent a quiet afternoon all alone feeling terrible that I didn’t let them have their own way.  Some day they will look back at those pictures and see how good they looked and that it was all because of good ole MOM!!!! 

 

This week my boys also learned a lesson in making good choices.  Standing in the dark, while one holds an umbrella and the other throws sand straight up in the air is not a good choice.  When you look out from under the umbrella to see when the sand is going to hit, and it is dark out – you get eyes full of sand.  Which is pretty painful.  We all learned how painful by the decibel of screaming coming out of the little TanMan. With that came a big long lecture about making choices and good decisions.  If you want to be a hunter and carry a gun in the field, these type of choices need to be made fast and correct.  TanMan’s howling was followed up by the T-Dog sobbing that his Dad will never be his hunting buddy now.  Life’s lessons are not easy my dear.

 

My Dad

Wednesday he had the angiogram.  We expected an hour or so wait while he had the procedure.  When the docs came out early-my sisters and I all passed "the look" to each other.  My Mother was just relieved it was over.  The rest of us weren’t so excited; we knew the next news would not be good.  It was reported that 3 of my Dad’s arteries in his heart are blocked; 1 at 70%, 1 at 80% and 1 at 100% - not clear on the arteries in his legs but pretty sure we have an issue there-some blockage but 1 thing at a time please.  Monday starts the appointments with the heart surgeons, meet with the cancer docs and schedule open heart surgery.  Scary stuff. 

 

I worry about my Mother handling all of this, how my kids are going to understand and handle all of it.  And I wonder how I’ll do.  I am strong and I have lots to take care of.  The up keep of my folks house and yard is falling on me.  Can’t seem to get a lot of help from the rest of the family. But my folks have done so much for me over all the years that I want to be able to do whatever I can.  It is hard not to get angry with other family members but I know the best thing to do is to do what I can the best I can.  What others do is not my responsibility.

 

Thank you to those who had my Dad and me in prayers in my last post.  It is much appreciated-and needed!!!

 

 

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11:18:22 AM CDT
Feeling Thoughtful

“Youth is like spring, an over praised season more remarkable for biting winds than genial breezes.  Autumn is the mellower season, and what we lose in flowers we more than gain in fruits.”                                                                                    

                                                 --Samuel Butler

 

 

 

 

Today marks the first of the new season.  It is sad to think that the days of lazing on the beach or running through the sprinkler are over.  But I do look forward to all that autumn brings us.  Last week I was in a panic thinking how another summer has passed, why does time have to pick up speed with each year?  Oh well, nothing to do about it I suppose, except to work hard at making the most of each day or hour – even moment. 

 

Last week the news was brought to me that now my Dad has an issue with his heart.  It has been six months since he finished the radiation for his vocal cord cancer-and all reports on that appear to be good news.  The heart condition brings more worry – not new worry.  When I was 18 years old my Dad had a heart attack in my car as I drove 30 miles in morning rush hour traffic to get him to the hospital emergency room.  All of these years later I have never forgotten the gray color my Dad was- and what appeared before me when I walked into the E.R. after parking my car.  I keep telling myself that was over 20 years ago and I am so much better equipped to handle whatever I need to with this new development.  Wednesday we start with the angioplasty and then move to fix/replace a valve and we wait to hear if there will be a bypass.  When I started to try and explain this news to my boys, Thomas, my 8 year old replied with; “I hope that doctor knows what he is doing and doesn’t kill Grandpa.”  A shocking but innocent thing for a daughter to hear of her Father.   I didn’t get too far in giving an explanation to my little boys but think they know as much as children need to know right now.

 

 I cannot begin to look down the road of “what if’s” because what if’s are plain scary and panic sets in. No, no, I can not afford to panic now.  Patience, strength and prayers – that is where I will keep my thoughts.

 

 

                     

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2:00:09 PM CDT
 We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same. 

                                                                — Anne Frank

Today, even though I should be doing business, I've been busy cleaning up all of my emails.  I have a few screen names, some for business and some for recreation use.  Each of these had a large build up of emails that needed to be saved somewhere.  Ugh....just like my actual desk-a big mess.  But in order to  be productive today and instead of cleaning a closet or a cupboard I plopped down here and cleaned up all those emails that were too important to just delete.  In doing that I found an email, an email to myself (lol scary I know-not only do I talk to myself I write to myself!) which had enclosed some of my favorite journals that I have not yet set up alerts.  I have said before that I read a lot of journals-probably an hour or two every day of just reading.  A big ole lurker is what I am.  Anyway, here are a few that I thought were important enough to save and I figure, important enough to share also!  Beside that,  now it is public and not filed away somewhere never to be found by me again.....

Morality and the Law 

Thoughts of an (almost) middle-aged veterinarian, or is it mother?

"Many people think that if they were only in some other place, or had some other job, they would be happy. Well, that is doubtful. So get as much happiness out of what you are doing as you can and don't put off being happy until some future date."   Dali Lama

 

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4:12:06 PM CDT

Monday and we're back to school - week 2.

Well after TanMan spent his first week at the germ factory(school), I sent him off this Monday with a full blown cold.  No fever yet but I am fully prepared for that symptom to be there when he hops off the bus this afternoon.  He is one of those kids who cannot stand a runny nose and has went through almost a whole box of Kleenex since yesterday.  Another joy of sending your child off into the great big world, building his immune system and exposing ME to all the germs.  I am starting to recall why I am so happy when the school year comes to an end. 

Today T-Dog begins with his"homework packets", each week we will get a packet and each week I will proceed to do battle.  I am feeling a little bit seasoned though with this being his 4th year at school.  I suppose kindergarten doesn't really count for one of those years since I don't recall much homework then.  Although,  Tanner did bring homework home on Friday.   I have also been informed that my kindergartner will learn to read 25 words by the time the year is out.  Or he should anyway.  So tonight the battle begins; 'no son, you cannot play outside until dark anymore, get in and do your homework and no it isn't an option to put it off until tomorrow'.  That procrastination stuff he comes by honestly though, another little trait of mine I have managed to pass on to my offspring.

Now onto some other news of mine that I have not written about.  I have started a part time job!  I began with his job back in August doing mostly training and now I am happy (or not) to report that I am a rural route carrier for the United States Post Office.  UGH starting a new job is never fun and at my current age it seems a whole lot more difficult that I thought it would be.  I am managing though and I am only a substitute carrier so Technically I should only work 2 Saturdays a month and fill in for when the regular driver on myroute takes vacation or calls in sick.  We will see.   I have had to push myself into unknown territories and tell myself continually that, yes, I can do this.  I have been stressed and a nervous wreck a whole lot though.   Never again will I complain about the postal service and now I also know why it is so important to put your street numbers on your mailbox.LOL If you don't have your mailbox clearly marked do some poor mailman a favor and run out and mark it. 

I am very fortunate to have the support of my family.  It is a good thing I have a relatively large family too since, so far someone has always been here to help take care of the boys through all of my training hours and now as I begin to actually do my job.  A close call, but my boys have still not had to go into daycare. With any luck I will be able to continue to work this out with the help of my folks, sisters, nieces and nephews. 

Ohhh I could tell stories about some of my experiences delivering mail.  However I am not quite ready to laugh about them yet.  Maybe when the scratch on my truck from the front bumper to the rear bumper fades I will be able to talk about it.  But no, not yet - still makes me shudder. LOL  I have had several drivers tests, written tests and hours of classroom training.  Nobody ever gave me tips on judging how close I actually am to a mailbox when driving a truck that I can barely see over the dash in though.  I have since traded and am now using my car, which when I sit on a pillow I can see pretty darn good and have not hit any mailboxes.

Still working hard on our business-and in fact have some pretty good things going on with that.  Hopefully, one day I am going to pop in here and tell a great tale of success with it. But until then my kids seem to want to be fed, have cool clothes and all that demanding stuff you need to provide once you give birth, so for now, I'll take the government job.  We are also within 10 days of having full medical benefits and life insurance even.  I wonder which candidate is going to see that starving, entrepreneurs trying to make a living will be able to find a way to have health care.....yikes a whole new subject that I really don't want to get into....except to say I want to vote for whoever it is that writes all those awesome speeches we have been hearing throughout the political conventions and if we can't vote for them-how about if we actually hold whoever is elected to exactly what it is that they stand up on national television and promise........just another pipe dream.........maybe....

 

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11:02:25 AM CDT

T-Dog

Here I am, a 44 year old Mother of 2 boys and according to my 8 year old - I am NOT the coolest Mom.  From the day I learned that I was carrying this child inside me I had the idea in my head that I WOULD be one of those "cool moms".  It doesn't even matter that for the first 7 years of his life I dressed him, gave him the start of his own fashion sense.  He always had the cool haircuts, the cool shoes - I even let the child pierce his ear.  Which, looking back now is probably the beginning of his rebellious stage.  And this is what it all comes down to - if I like it, he automatically doesn't.

 

When I sent the above picture to a dear friend of mine, who casually responded with "HipHop, eh?" I was a bit taken back.  So that's what this style that my child is trying to achieve.   Geeze, I missed it.  When we were school shopping this year we spent most of the days arguing over skulls.  Walk through the children's department once, hard to find clothing that doesn't have a skull on it somewhere.   I have forbidden skulls for school - I don't know why, I just have.  I don't like it, I don't think it is appropriate and my child is probably one of the only ones not sporting a skull.  But I won the battle, thoughts of 'pick your battles' running through my mind.  I didn't really win, I just finally said "NO! and that's final!"  Which now, looking back, has only created a more headstrong boy who is going to find more to battle me  over.

This became more evident to me while we were re- arranging the boys bedroom.  I cleared everything out and started over, added a desk for a good homework space and agreed to let him hang posters in his room.  This meant a Simpson's poster, dirt bike posters and even one of The Undertaker from Smack Down wrestling (that I am now forced to watch every Friday night).  We hung all of his posters and some of the boys other favorite things and after I stepped out for a bit came back to find that T-Dog had moved some of the posters.  Ever trying to be cool, I said "good idea, I like those that way" to which he looked at me shocked and said; "You do? I thought for sure you wouldn't!" and then it was my turn to be shocked - I walked away shaking my head.

I know all of this is part of him growing and maturing, trying to be his own person.  But man, why doesn't he know I'm cool??? LOL  Ok, so maybe it isn't cool to not let your kids wear skulls.  Or to not let them have video games, have cable t.v. or shave their heads into a mohawk style.  I know it is really not cool to not understand why it IS cool to wear $50.00 sneakers but not tie them so they clomp clomp along when he walks.  Gosh, that drives me nuts and today I have been fighting the urge to email his teacher to tell HER to make him tie his shoes.  I mean if that drives me nuts, doesn't it drive her nuts too??

  

 On the upside, each night before he goes to bed he has been straightening his room and came to me asking for a new laundry basket to throw his dirty clothes in.  Ummmmmm pretty sure I'll come up with that basket.  This child of mine who just plain scares me now when I think that I am still a few years away from his teen age years and I have heard the stories regarding those years.  Hopefully by then we both learn our boundaries and he won't have this urge to rebel against me.  I am really working at letting him be his own person, let him be an individual.  But I am his Mother, lots of times I am his best friend or I think I am anyway but first I am his Mom.   I  just never imagined  that this child I grew inside of me wouldn't always think that I am his everything.  LOL 

 Well, I'll keep floundering my way through this with my Thomas and in the mean time I always have TanMan (age 5) to dress in that cute little boy way that I think is cool while HE still thinks I am the most important person in life!!!  And after 2 days of sending him off on a bus to kindergarten, I think I am done crying today - I hope.

Or I could really cause some embarrassment to my children and join a hip hop dance class...LOL 

 

 

 

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6:08:16 PM CDT
Feeling Quiet

O.K. I can write about the day now.  Thomas leaves early in the morning and Tanner does afternoons only for kindergarten.  As T-Dog left this morning I was a little bit sad.  Mostly because suddenly he is too cool for his Mom.  While the other kids waited at the bus stop with him and I asked if I was going to get a kiss, there was only wild laughter - no kiss.  Gosh he has grown fast-and I'll kiss my boy when and in front of who I want.  LOL Deal with it son - I'm your Mother and someday you'll appreciate it too.

The really hard part of the day was putting the TanMan on the bus all alone.  He didn't know any kids and for the last few days had been saying he just plain wasn't going to go.  Little did he know at any moment I was ready to crumple and agree that he didn't have to go!!!  Howeverrrrrr, today as the time for the bus to arrive approached, his excitement was building and my resolve was dwindling.  Several times throughout the morning  tears slipped out, although I did hide that from my baby.  By the time the bus stopped in front of my house I couldn't see and I was a wet, sloppy mess.  As he walked off and I yelled out; "hey, do I get a kiss?"  he turned around, put his little hands around my neck, kissed me and looked  me right in the eye and said "Bye Mom".

Good Lord, that about did me in and as I walked back up to my house - all alone it was an all out crying fest.  I can't really remember when I last cried so hard.  Even the dog appeared to be concerned.   I sat down at my desk and made the slide show as seen in the previous entry and cried and cried as I looked at each picture. 

I waited and waited to hear that bus rumble down my road bringing both my boys home together.  Finally there it is and both of them run in the house yelling..................

 "CAN WE GO PLAY??

What in the world??????  Didn't anyone miss me? Is anyone going to tell me how their day went?  Nope.

"Change your clothes, supper is at 6:30 and no whining when I say you have to come home"

Do these children of mine not realize I gave them life?  LOL  Ahhhhh the joys of being a mom........how many years is it I wonder before you start appreciating your mom??  Nevermind, I know the answer.  It is the first time your heart gets broken by your own children and you have to call your own Mom for sympathy.  Which you don't get. 

Just wait til you have kids of your own has come full circle today....................

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2:17:39 PM CDT

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9:34:07 PM CDT
Feeling Sad

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."
                                    ~Helen Keller

 

 

 

 

       Happy Birthday to you!

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