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Theresa's Interview
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Tuesday, April 19, 2005
7:40:00 AM CDT
Sisterhood holds great power for me as a woman and beyond that as a person. It's staking my claim in the family of humanity, and it's in that loose context of family that I define it. Sisterhood is a bond that can't be severed, because a connection exists because of something greater than choice. We don't always like our family members, but we're always connected, and there are things that we always have in common. It's in those commonalities that sisterhood becomes a great and glorious thing to me. On a feminist level, when women pool their energy together, it's amazing. The strength of female friendships is like nothing else I know, and at the same time, there's not a single woman I know who hasn't been hurt by the betrayal of women. We need to get past that and see our commonalities and our connections. Dig deep enough and all women can find something in common. Dig even deeper and we can find something in common with our brothers.
I remember a time from my sorority days a time when we were preparing for rush, the series of parties where girls and sororities choose each other for membership. It was late night, and we were all together, cross-stitching the favors that we would give the girls who attended our party the next day. There were so many different young women in that room that night; a tiny, soft spoke blonde who went on to become judge, a dry witted, country girl who dipped tobacco every now and then who's now a very urban, sophisticated bank vice president, a few true intellects -- I know of two professors and one oncologist who sat sewing in that room that night, a fair share of gigglers, serious girls, loving girls, beauty queens, wallflowers, jocks, creative girls, party girls and religious girls. We were tired. Our party dresses and heels had been exchanged for jeans and tshirts. With red rimmed eyes, we sat pushing needles and thread through a tiny pica cloth, making jokes, helping each other stay up until we finished what we had to do. That was a real sisterhood moment for me: individuals coming together, supporting each, differences set aside, sharing a task, and having fun.
2. Recently in a comment to my journal, you said that "Willed Cheerfulness" is a problem for Southern women. Would you care to elaborate on that?
Even with the homogenization of culture, the south still has a cult of womanhood. The archetypes of Scarlett and Melanie still linger in our subconscious as do the more recent images of Julia, Suzanne, Charlene and Mary Jane. I think that there is more pressure on girls than on boys to be nice everywhere. In the south, it's intensified. The expectation that girls will behave like young ladies isn't implied. It's stated outright. Girls are still sent off to school with the instructions to smile and be friendly to everyone. You can still find "charm" schools and etiquette lessons available in a lot of small towns. Boutiques and spas offer services to preteens to help them find "their style" for clothing and makeup, and I assure you that it's not goth or punk, even if that's the kid's preferred image. People still feel free to tell strangers to smile, and for the most part, it's meant kindly. At the same time, endurance is greatly admired. That's the real steel magnolia thing; have strength, but don't advertise it. Let your softness show instead. It can be crazy making, but if a woman holds onto her truest self, it can be a refining forge.
3. Last night, I saw Jessica Lange on the Charlie Rose Show. She is currently acting in A Steetcar Named Desire. She said that Southern Literature, more than literature from any other region, provides actresses with "Great" roles. In the previous question, you speculated about the downside of being a Southern Woman ("Willed Cheerfulness"). What is the upside--that is, what makes Southern women great heroes? How do you define your Southernhood?
When you have a culture that wants women to be ladies, it has to offer them some respect as ladies. That can stay on a superficial level, but that's really tricky. You open the door to respect just a bit, and somehow it can blow wide open. Then let a woman get a taste of real respect and it sets up a hunger for more. Sooner or later, a woman realizes that she deserves it. That's yeast. It starts spreading everywhere, and you end up with a culture that can mourn a broken Blanche Dubois or celebrate a woman singing, "I'm a redneck woman, not some high class broad." A lot of southern literature discusses the damage caused by force fitting women into the traditional southern roles, but just as much celebrates the women who refuse to be just a role. I want to refer again to Florence King. She said that most women have to choose between the role models of Venus or Virgin, but only in the south, did she find women who embraced both or, like her mother, created their own, Virago, a woman of power, strength and individuality. (She had Virago painted on her bowling ball.) For me, my southerness is tied to the land. Gerald O'Hara knew something about the importance of land. This rich dirt, flowering trees, rows of cotton, corn and soybeans, meandering rivers and wilting humidity feeds my soul. My family has been in the south since the late 1600s on one side and mid 1700s on the other. I'm steeped in its traditions so fully that I can't even identify them all. My southerness is in my voice, my love of language, my love of gentleness and the value I place on strength. 4. Who is the first author (fiction or poetry) that blew off the top of your head after you read him or her?
Louisa May Alcott. At the age of eight, I picked up Little Women, and things have never been the same. I had to go find every book of hers that I could.
5. You recently went on a quest with your daughter. I'm going to ask you to write a couple paragraphs about this quest. Don't agonize over them or take too much time on them. Just let them flow naturally. In the first paragraph, write the beginning of a story about a mother and daughter who are goingon such a quest. Now for the second paragraph. In my novel, I state that there are things that should be told to daughters. Write a paragraph about that, things that daughters really need to know in order to survive in this day and time. Tell it from the point of view of that mother in paragraph one, and have her actually tell her daughter these things. Don't be afraid to broach tough topics (as if you've ever been afraid to!). They tossed their packed bags in the backseat of the car. The maps were tucked in the pocket on the door. The coffee was in the drink holders. Sunglasses and radio on, they pulled out the driveway. Neither the mother nor the daughter was talking, but they both wore a small, almost secret grin. They didn't know exactly what was ahead. They just knew that it would be different from what they were putting behind them for a little while. They drove past the young family homes that gave way to rundown older homes which in turn ceded territory to stately, older homes which then transitioned to the proper middle aged homes of proper middle aged people. On reaching the city limits, the mother sighed, turned and looked at her daughter, who just said, "It's time."
The mother nodded, sipped her coffee and said, "You're right. This is overdue, and I think we're going to have a good time. You need to be ready for a few things though. We're going to have to figure out what it is we really want to get there and find it. We're probably going to get lost and make some wrong turns. We may change our minds about what it is we're really looking for. That's part of getting where we want to go. The big thing is that the trip is as important as the destination, so keep your eyes and heart open. Look beyond the surface of things to see the way they really are, and when you see something that speaks to your heart, let it in and make it a part of you. It could change you, and you don't need to be afraid of that. Change is really a part of becoming who you want to be. Don't hesitate to say you need something especially if you know that deep inside, it's something that will build you up. Be aware though that some of the most appealing things you see are those that can destroy you. That's why you have to really love yourself, and you are so worthloving. You won't want to destroy something you love, even when the temptation for something that could do that is strong. As much beauty as there is in the world, you have to be aware that there is just as much ugliness. Keep your eyes open for it too. It doesn't pay to walk through the world with blinders on. You have to see traps for what they are. I hope you'll have the courage when you see pain to do something about it. There will be danger out there as well. Do what you can to avoid it, but not all danger can or should be avoided. There are times you just might have to fight, and I believe that you have the strength to win. Know that I'll always be there to help as well.
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7:40:00 AM CDT
Theresa's Interview
Turnabout is fair play, and I've agreed to be interviewed by the people I interviewed. These are the questions Theresa, whose book I reviewed in my last entry, sent me. She's a college lecturer, and if these questions are typical of her classes, she's one tough teacher.
1. Your screen name is SisterCDR. You recently explained the origin of the name. Yet I've noticed people fall naturally into the habit of calling you "Sister," even though they know your real first name. I've called you "Sister" myself. To what extent do you believe in the power of "sisterhood"? How do you define it?Sisterhood holds great power for me as a woman and beyond that as a person. It's staking my claim in the family of humanity, and it's in that loose context of family that I define it. Sisterhood is a bond that can't be severed, because a connection exists because of something greater than choice. We don't always like our family members, but we're always connected, and there are things that we always have in common. It's in those commonalities that sisterhood becomes a great and glorious thing to me. On a feminist level, when women pool their energy together, it's amazing. The strength of female friendships is like nothing else I know, and at the same time, there's not a single woman I know who hasn't been hurt by the betrayal of women. We need to get past that and see our commonalities and our connections. Dig deep enough and all women can find something in common. Dig even deeper and we can find something in common with our brothers.
I remember a time from my sorority days a time when we were preparing for rush, the series of parties where girls and sororities choose each other for membership. It was late night, and we were all together, cross-stitching the favors that we would give the girls who attended our party the next day. There were so many different young women in that room that night; a tiny, soft spoke blonde who went on to become judge, a dry witted, country girl who dipped tobacco every now and then who's now a very urban, sophisticated bank vice president, a few true intellects -- I know of two professors and one oncologist who sat sewing in that room that night, a fair share of gigglers, serious girls, loving girls, beauty queens, wallflowers, jocks, creative girls, party girls and religious girls. We were tired. Our party dresses and heels had been exchanged for jeans and tshirts. With red rimmed eyes, we sat pushing needles and thread through a tiny pica cloth, making jokes, helping each other stay up until we finished what we had to do. That was a real sisterhood moment for me: individuals coming together, supporting each, differences set aside, sharing a task, and having fun.
2. Recently in a comment to my journal, you said that "Willed Cheerfulness" is a problem for Southern women. Would you care to elaborate on that?
Even with the homogenization of culture, the south still has a cult of womanhood. The archetypes of Scarlett and Melanie still linger in our subconscious as do the more recent images of Julia, Suzanne, Charlene and Mary Jane. I think that there is more pressure on girls than on boys to be nice everywhere. In the south, it's intensified. The expectation that girls will behave like young ladies isn't implied. It's stated outright. Girls are still sent off to school with the instructions to smile and be friendly to everyone. You can still find "charm" schools and etiquette lessons available in a lot of small towns. Boutiques and spas offer services to preteens to help them find "their style" for clothing and makeup, and I assure you that it's not goth or punk, even if that's the kid's preferred image. People still feel free to tell strangers to smile, and for the most part, it's meant kindly. At the same time, endurance is greatly admired. That's the real steel magnolia thing; have strength, but don't advertise it. Let your softness show instead. It can be crazy making, but if a woman holds onto her truest self, it can be a refining forge.
3. Last night, I saw Jessica Lange on the Charlie Rose Show. She is currently acting in A Steetcar Named Desire. She said that Southern Literature, more than literature from any other region, provides actresses with "Great" roles. In the previous question, you speculated about the downside of being a Southern Woman ("Willed Cheerfulness"). What is the upside--that is, what makes Southern women great heroes? How do you define your Southernhood?
When you have a culture that wants women to be ladies, it has to offer them some respect as ladies. That can stay on a superficial level, but that's really tricky. You open the door to respect just a bit, and somehow it can blow wide open. Then let a woman get a taste of real respect and it sets up a hunger for more. Sooner or later, a woman realizes that she deserves it. That's yeast. It starts spreading everywhere, and you end up with a culture that can mourn a broken Blanche Dubois or celebrate a woman singing, "I'm a redneck woman, not some high class broad." A lot of southern literature discusses the damage caused by force fitting women into the traditional southern roles, but just as much celebrates the women who refuse to be just a role. I want to refer again to Florence King. She said that most women have to choose between the role models of Venus or Virgin, but only in the south, did she find women who embraced both or, like her mother, created their own, Virago, a woman of power, strength and individuality. (She had Virago painted on her bowling ball.) For me, my southerness is tied to the land. Gerald O'Hara knew something about the importance of land. This rich dirt, flowering trees, rows of cotton, corn and soybeans, meandering rivers and wilting humidity feeds my soul. My family has been in the south since the late 1600s on one side and mid 1700s on the other. I'm steeped in its traditions so fully that I can't even identify them all. My southerness is in my voice, my love of language, my love of gentleness and the value I place on strength. 4. Who is the first author (fiction or poetry) that blew off the top of your head after you read him or her?
Louisa May Alcott. At the age of eight, I picked up Little Women, and things have never been the same. I had to go find every book of hers that I could.
5. You recently went on a quest with your daughter. I'm going to ask you to write a couple paragraphs about this quest. Don't agonize over them or take too much time on them. Just let them flow naturally. In the first paragraph, write the beginning of a story about a mother and daughter who are goingon such a quest. Now for the second paragraph. In my novel, I state that there are things that should be told to daughters. Write a paragraph about that, things that daughters really need to know in order to survive in this day and time. Tell it from the point of view of that mother in paragraph one, and have her actually tell her daughter these things. Don't be afraid to broach tough topics (as if you've ever been afraid to!). They tossed their packed bags in the backseat of the car. The maps were tucked in the pocket on the door. The coffee was in the drink holders. Sunglasses and radio on, they pulled out the driveway. Neither the mother nor the daughter was talking, but they both wore a small, almost secret grin. They didn't know exactly what was ahead. They just knew that it would be different from what they were putting behind them for a little while. They drove past the young family homes that gave way to rundown older homes which in turn ceded territory to stately, older homes which then transitioned to the proper middle aged homes of proper middle aged people. On reaching the city limits, the mother sighed, turned and looked at her daughter, who just said, "It's time."
The mother nodded, sipped her coffee and said, "You're right. This is overdue, and I think we're going to have a good time. You need to be ready for a few things though. We're going to have to figure out what it is we really want to get there and find it. We're probably going to get lost and make some wrong turns. We may change our minds about what it is we're really looking for. That's part of getting where we want to go. The big thing is that the trip is as important as the destination, so keep your eyes and heart open. Look beyond the surface of things to see the way they really are, and when you see something that speaks to your heart, let it in and make it a part of you. It could change you, and you don't need to be afraid of that. Change is really a part of becoming who you want to be. Don't hesitate to say you need something especially if you know that deep inside, it's something that will build you up. Be aware though that some of the most appealing things you see are those that can destroy you. That's why you have to really love yourself, and you are so worthloving. You won't want to destroy something you love, even when the temptation for something that could do that is strong. As much beauty as there is in the world, you have to be aware that there is just as much ugliness. Keep your eyes open for it too. It doesn't pay to walk through the world with blinders on. You have to see traps for what they are. I hope you'll have the courage when you see pain to do something about it. There will be danger out there as well. Do what you can to avoid it, but not all danger can or should be avoided. There are times you just might have to fight, and I believe that you have the strength to win. Know that I'll always be there to help as well.
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This entry has 9 comments: (Add your own)
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It is so hard for someone who is not a Southern female to understand what we are. MOst of the time people mistake us for soft woman. They will think we are backwards, uneducated,empty headed, weak, doormats, anti-feminist. LOL what they do not realize is Southern women are what makes the South, not the men.
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you and Theresa are wonderful. judi
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Cynthia......Such wonderful questions and in-depth answers! My favorite is what you'd share with your daughter...especially..."Be aware though that some of the most appealing things you see are those that can destroy you." This is a truth said so simply that can have such an impact on us, if we are open to its message. I will share it with Ab tonight. I may even write an entry about it...crediting you, of course. Thanks, (tearfully) Lisa
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Your responses are stupendous, as usual. You do have a way with words. Your insight and intelligence are life affirming. I always feel I'm in capable hands when reading your writing. I am intrigued by "lisaram['s]" response. She has known you longer than I have and has weathered with you many a storm. She says either you've said all or you're holding back. My guess is that you're holding back, and that it has something to do with your fear of writing fiction, of being "laid bare." I know it's a hard threshold to cross, and I'm not sure what it's going to take to get you to cross it, but it's worthwhile, necessary, for you to think about. Sister.
4/23/05 1:59 PM