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You can't pick on people, it's the law
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Saturday, April 30, 2005
8:28:00 AM CDT
Hearing Aaron Neville, Tell It Like It Is
This week, the Tennessee General Assembly unanimously passed a new bill, http://*SB1621 / HB2114, into law that requires all Tennessee school districts to have a policy on bullying. First, I'd like to say Bravo! I was proud to see my representative as one of the authors of the house bill. Second, it's about damn time.
I wonder how different the life of my family would have been over the last couple of years if this bill had been in place. My daughter had a rough time of it, and it's changed her. She used to wear her softness and gentleness on the outside, and she has a shell now that's not always easy to handle. She's less likely to give people the benefit of a doubt about their actions. She enjoys keeping the people who used to torment her off balance. It affected her faith, and I am deeply grateful to the loving nuns at the school she attended last semester for showing her the grace given by a life with faith. Thank God/dess this didn't happen, but she could very easily have turned into a bully herself, and with her verbal skills, that idea is intimidating. When you think of Pearl, MS, Paducah, KY and Columbine, CO, it's flat out scary. Kids became murderers, and I'm not writing off inexcusable behavior because these kids were bullied. If we don't understand what contributed to these situations, we can't effectively prevent them in the future.
I'm not attributing every problem my daughter's had to bullying. She's got a genetic link for depression. We've definitely got family issues, and though my husband and I love her so much we haven't found the limits yet, we could be better parents in many ways. I know though that bullying affected not just her, but all of us. It had an effect on both the husband's and my job performance. We're still in the process of changing churches (after it takes me years to find a denomination in which I'm comfortable).
Our school system reacted with care and concern when I went to them about the problems C. was having. They made changes in her class schedule. The teachers kept their eyes open more, but we still ended up transferring her to a private school for awhile. The behavior of the kids wasn't really changed, and I had hoped that the smaller and overtly religious environment of the private school would affect that. It didn't. Typical physical male bullying didn't exist at her Catholic school at all, but the emotional female bullying was more intense. No one gets out of this world without getting their feelings hurt sometimes, and we have to teach our kids how to handle that, but we also have to realize that bullying goes beyond that.
With a state law in place, schools will have to prepare for the sort of situation my daughter faced and have the tools in place to handle it. We can't change what other parents teach their children about acceptable behavior, and yes, much of the anger I still have is at parents. We can and should have consequences for kid's actions that affect other people. The adult world has them with laws meant to prevent both physical and mental harm, and the world that kids live in should too.
I hate that our culture has come to the point where schools have to teach our kids how to be civilized human beings, but if parents won't, can we just throw up our hands and say nothing can be done? Teachers have a hard enough job as it is, and I was glad to see that the new Tennessee law provides protection from litigation for any educator who reports bullying. BullyPolice.org has given a grade of A- to Tennessee's new law. I think it's going to be a challenge for many districts to get a working policy and program into place, but it absolutely has to get done.
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8:28:00 AM CDT
Hearing Aaron Neville, Tell It Like It Is
You can't pick on people, it's the law
I wonder how different the life of my family would have been over the last couple of years if this bill had been in place. My daughter had a rough time of it, and it's changed her. She used to wear her softness and gentleness on the outside, and she has a shell now that's not always easy to handle. She's less likely to give people the benefit of a doubt about their actions. She enjoys keeping the people who used to torment her off balance. It affected her faith, and I am deeply grateful to the loving nuns at the school she attended last semester for showing her the grace given by a life with faith. Thank God/dess this didn't happen, but she could very easily have turned into a bully herself, and with her verbal skills, that idea is intimidating. When you think of Pearl, MS, Paducah, KY and Columbine, CO, it's flat out scary. Kids became murderers, and I'm not writing off inexcusable behavior because these kids were bullied. If we don't understand what contributed to these situations, we can't effectively prevent them in the future.
I'm not attributing every problem my daughter's had to bullying. She's got a genetic link for depression. We've definitely got family issues, and though my husband and I love her so much we haven't found the limits yet, we could be better parents in many ways. I know though that bullying affected not just her, but all of us. It had an effect on both the husband's and my job performance. We're still in the process of changing churches (after it takes me years to find a denomination in which I'm comfortable).
Our school system reacted with care and concern when I went to them about the problems C. was having. They made changes in her class schedule. The teachers kept their eyes open more, but we still ended up transferring her to a private school for awhile. The behavior of the kids wasn't really changed, and I had hoped that the smaller and overtly religious environment of the private school would affect that. It didn't. Typical physical male bullying didn't exist at her Catholic school at all, but the emotional female bullying was more intense. No one gets out of this world without getting their feelings hurt sometimes, and we have to teach our kids how to handle that, but we also have to realize that bullying goes beyond that.
With a state law in place, schools will have to prepare for the sort of situation my daughter faced and have the tools in place to handle it. We can't change what other parents teach their children about acceptable behavior, and yes, much of the anger I still have is at parents. We can and should have consequences for kid's actions that affect other people. The adult world has them with laws meant to prevent both physical and mental harm, and the world that kids live in should too.
I hate that our culture has come to the point where schools have to teach our kids how to be civilized human beings, but if parents won't, can we just throw up our hands and say nothing can be done? Teachers have a hard enough job as it is, and I was glad to see that the new Tennessee law provides protection from litigation for any educator who reports bullying. BullyPolice.org has given a grade of A- to Tennessee's new law. I think it's going to be a challenge for many districts to get a working policy and program into place, but it absolutely has to get done.
Written by sistercdr Blog about this entry |
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This entry has 8 comments: (Add your own)
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I'm really tired of the attitude that bullying is sort of a rite of passage. Give me the sticks and stones-the words hurt far more and the damage lasts far longer. Good luck.
Jackie
http://journals.aol.com/thesheatons/PixelsPoliticsPosiesand Pussycats -
A law like this is very encouraging. I feel so sorry for your daughter...I was the target of intense bullying as a kid and it affected me for many years after. I think I still suffer from long term effects. I will also say that 7th and 8th grade was the only time I felt true murderous rage. If I had been pushed just slightly more, I fear I would have gone over the edge and caused harm to myself or the girls who made every day of my life a living hell.
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We have a zero tolerance policy in the school where I work. We are constantly reinforcing the "Golden Rule". That's not to say that it doesn't exist. It's just dealt with immediately and appropriately using Responsive Classroom techniques. We have a Planning Room which is not used as punishment, but rather as a support system for planning alternatives to bullying and consequences for those who make the choice to bully. It works about 95% of the time. We are working on 100%.
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this subject is very interesting to me. i am going to check out that link. it is so heartbreaking to hear of your sweet daughter being tormented.
Marti
5/1/05 2:13 AM
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/JMora