JR's Random Anger

RANDOM ANGER

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Welcome to Camp Chuckles!

Well, it’s about time to get up off the mat and start writing again.  And after taking a close-up look at the Phillies for the past few weeks I have a few things to write about.  At first I thought I would be writing a long dissertation on how the Phillies need to entirely clean house except for Abreu, Utley and the Phanatic.  Then, a funny thing happened along the way.  They started winning a few games and looking like a better team overall.  So at roughly the 50-game mark, here’s my assessment of the Phillies and some remedies.

First off, I didn’t like Charlie Manuel as a choice for manager and even after the recent turnaround, I still don’t like him.  In fact, I think he’s worse than I could have ever imagined.  I don’t know if there’s a way to calculate how many games a manager has lost for the team, but he has at least dropped 7.  I don’t think I have ever seen a relief pitcher hit as many times as the Phillies.  Even AL managers in the World Series do a better job, and they get thrown into the mix quickly.  He’s had the entire fall, winter and spring to prepare for the adjustment to the NL game and he STILL can’t get it

I can’t get over the idea of a team that is happy-go-lucky even when they stink on ice.  A miserable winner may still miserable, but a cheerful bunch of losers are still losers.  I’ve really had it with Camp Chuckles and this “pat-on-the-ass-atta-boy” horse crap.  I’m sure the clubhouse is more relaxed than last year, but even the chef from Hell’s Kitchen would lighten up that clubhouse, because Bowa was miserable and boring.  Even a miserable sow with some sarcasm would be a better fit.  But instead the Phillies went out…well they really didn’t go out and get Chuckles, he was kinda just hanging around like that loser kid you made carry your gym bag.  Getting back to the new attitude…frankly, I would rather see a guy get pissed off and slam his helmet down after striking out.  Look at Dykstra or any of the ’93 Phillies.  They would get pissed at each other, fight with each other, chew out Fregosi on national TV, but they stayed loose because they kept focus and weren’t worried how the fans reacted to a screw up or a good play.  Look if a professional screws up, he should get booed and chewed out.  If he makes a great play, he should get cheered.  There shouldn’t have to be an inbetween.

One idea is his indefensible policy of platooning both center field and second base.  Now, I love platooning.  It is impossible have a 9-player every day lineup.  But in center field he’s keeping a .377 hitter in Kenny Lofton on the bench for half of the games.  He’s also got two guys sharing time at second base who are batting .286 (Polanco) and .302 (Utley), which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  However, his extremely overpaid catcher, third baseman, and dare I say, first baseman (which make up $25.4 million of the Phillies $95 million payroll) are averaging a combined .234, hit 8 total homeruns and accumulated 42 RBI.  All of those stats are less than Bobby Abreu and Pat Burrell, separately!</p>

Jim Thome makes $13.7 million this year.  When should we be able to ask for some of that money back?  He has been a total failure as a Phillie since he was National League Player of the Month in June 2004.  First of all, I can’t stand his lack of patience and his unwillingness to take the ball opposite field.  Now, I don’t think Thome is a bad player; he’s just playing badly and certainly not playing up to his potential and price tag.  He really needs to take a seat for a few extra games and try and figure himself out.

David Bell, however, is a bad player.  His only strong point was his consistency in the field, but he has even managed to screw that up with a three-error game against the Cards and his “where’s-the-ball” comedy routine against the Braves.  During that same series, he was in the midst of a 9-game hitting streak and his average “ballooned” to .256.  Okay, so where the hell was it before?  Was it even in double digits?  How can a player still be in the majors, when he needs a 9-game hitting streak to get is average to the 250s?  He went from “totally sucks” to just “sucks” and we're expected to be happy about it.

Mike Lieberthal is just on another plane of ridiculous.  Last year, he was hoping to get traded to a contender, like he hasn’t been part of the problem to begin with.  He hasn’t regained the power he once had, and his average has dropped 100 points in the last two years.  Yet, he makes irrational statements telling the fans to lighten up, and how much better things is this year, playing for a manager who doesn’t seem to mind losing as opposed to one that would rather chop off his ears than lose a game.  The one feather in Lieberthal’s cap used to be his offensive production, since he’s not a very good defensive catcher.  Well, the pitchers ERA are higher with Lieberthal and the overall offensive production is lower.  So someone please tell me why he plays almost every day.  And please tell me why he makes $7.5 million and Pratt makes $750,000, even though Pratt is more productive both defensively and offensively. 

Why isn’t Chase Utley playing more?  Last night, he started a two-out rally in the bottom of the eighth already up by 3 runs.  He’s been kicked around the team for the last three years and Bowa started it last year when he sent him back down to Triple-A after a good stint in Philly.  Chase is just the current face of the young players who are just begging for a chance to play in the “bigs”.  So Ryan Howard doesn’t have a good stint and he’s sent back like a bounced check.  And Gavin Floyd has a couple of bad outings and he’s treated like the fat chick at a frat party.  Why not let these guys play their way through things.  I mean no one has ever come up from the minors and not had to deal with some adjustment period.  Even guys like Kevin Stocker eventually slumped in their first year.

As far as this resurgence of late, I think it’s a load of hogwash.  Look, I would love to be at a Phillies postseason game, but I simply do not think the makeup of this team is strong enough to overcome their bad start.  First of all, their rotation is not made up of horses capable of carrying a team through a rough stretch in the middle of August (or as in the case of last year the end of July).  Myers is coming around to be the pitcher we all hoped he would be.  I do not believe Wolf, Lieber and Lidle are any better than what they are showing you right now.  They are 2-3 spot pitchers.  No better.  Padilla is the true underachiever of this crew.  He has just been flat-out awful this year.  I can only hope he’s injured and will improve.  The bullpen is also loaded with pretenders, and this has been evident through the first 50 games.  Cormier is showing his age.  Adams just doesn’t have it.  Fultz isn’t worth a pair of dirty gym socks.  Geary is just plain lousy and has been for a while.  Worrell is in a rubber room somewhere.  Telemaco will be making trips back to Scranton for the rest of his career, which leaves us with a core of Tejada, Madson, and Wagner.  Wagner is losing it a little since he “swore off” his slider; even though, it’s virtually unhittable coupled with a 97-mph four-seam fastball.  Mad Dog is a good pitcher even though he is not being properly utilized as a set-up man.  He’s got the legs to be a good starter later in his career.  So why are they shoe-horning him into a setup man while our normal setup man is awaiting a frontal lobotomy?  Tejada is a stud-in-making.  He’s got good stuff but he’s also very young.

Their lineup is also riddled with holes.  They still do not have a reliable lead-off hitter, even though Rollins has played reasonably well.  Rollins and Lofton are a good 1-2 punch at the top of the order but again Lofton only plays half of the time with the center field platoon.  Abreu is the bright shining light of the lineup and a great #3.  Burrell should be the cleanup, but Good Ol’ Chuckles keeps putting Thome’s anemic bat in cleanup and wasting the above par effort of the top third of the lineup.  Utley would be a better choice for the fifth spot until Thome can get his ass squared away, but he fits in just fine as a 6-hole.  Bell and Lieberthal do not deserve any more print so I’ll spare you my take on the bottom of the lineup, if only to say this.  Taking Bell out of the lineup and making Polanco the everyday third baseman would benefit the team since he has a better on-base percentage than Duo of Dud.  Put Polanco at the 8-spot and make the opposition have to work to get out of the bottom of the lineup, especially since Polanco doesn’t strike out nearly as much as the Duo of Dud.  Polanco would help turn the lineup over, which will get the bat out of the pitcher’s hands sooner.

Now does this team seem like a team that you could envision fighting it out for a pennant in October?  I am a season ticket holder and my Mom and Grandmother are bigger Phillies fans than I am, and I don’t see it.  Are they as bad as their record?  Definitely not!  Are they so much better that they can be reasonably considered contenders?  No!  But hey, what do I know?  I’m just one of those fans that Uncle Chuckles was talking about.  You know; the ones that don’t fully appreciate the game.

NBA Playoffs Predictions Update

I was looking better than Vegas Vic for the first two rounds.  I called 7 out of 8 in round 1, and I was oh-so perfect in round 2 (4 for 4).  But my NBA champ (Phoenix) is down 3-1 against the San Antone Bitch ‘n’ Moan, and Larry “the Anti-Christ” Brown is doing his best to undermine his players.  Personally, I’m rooting for either Miami (to make Kobe look bad) or Phoenix (just because they’re fun).

Mo Cheeks is just what the Sixers needed.  O’Brien sucked, which is hard for me to say since he’s from SJU.  Mo has the street cred that O.B. lacked, plus he’s very personable, which again was not a strong trait of O.B.  Hopefully, he won’t be afraid to play AI and Willie Green in the same lineup.

I just saw Friday Night Lights, and it is one of the best sports movies ever made.  It gets a little dusty in the room during some of the scenes, but overall is great.  Especially, since the football scenes look like real football scenes, unlike Any Given Sunday.  Even Billy Bob did a good job in the movie, even though it lacked the Gene Hackman as Norman Dale in Hoosiers inspirational halftime “I love you guys” speech.

Weenie of the Week

I’ve been meaning to do this for a while, but just haven’t gotten around to it, so this is technically the first installment, but believe me, this jackass is not the first weenie.

Robby Gordon

I doubt that this genius had enough sense to hire a PR consultant for his press release last week, and if he did he should not only fire him but also shoot him. 

Gordon declared he would boycott any IRL races that he would run with Danica Patrick since she is 100 pounds lighter and therefore has an unfair advantage.  He’ll race again once the IRL looks at making the combined weight of the car and driver equal.

So is this his way of saying, “Help me before a girl beats my sorry ass”?

First, just because she’s lighter doesn’t mean she’s better.  I mean there are no 100 pound jockeys driving race cars faster than anyone else.  Second, she’s also not as strong and probably can’t make adjustments as quickly.  Third, she’s 100 pounds lighter and she still didn’t win, so what does that say about this advantage. And lastly, maybe this idiot redneck will realize that he should put down the beef jerky and Miller High Life and start to drop some pounds so her “advantage” isn’t as great.     

If anyone who reads this wants to have the next edition of Random Anger directly mailed to them, then please e-mail me your e-mail address.  Send it to Skiks@aol.com

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