JR's Random Anger

Old Rule!

There are a few rules that I have learned to abide by in the course of my life.  They make life easier and have helped me out many times.  I only bring this up because I know of two people that broke one of my rules for sports and for gambling. 

DO NOT ANGER THE FOOTBALL GODS!

Steve (who I refer to as Kool-Aid 1), sent me a boastful text at halftime of the Eagles-Giants game.  With the Birds comfortably ahead the words, "How about them Eagles!" flashed on my cell phone.  Later after the Giants cut the Eagles once mighty 17-point lead to 3, I told my lovely wife about the score.  She said, "Oh crap, I already circled them", which is her method of tracking the winners for the family pool.  After I scolded her for tempting fate, I chalked up the win for the Giants (speaking of which I am surprised I didn't hear from Buttafucco on that one) even though the Eagles were still winning.  You see, I am sure that Kool-Aid drinking Eagles fans were already booking flights to Miami, thus angering the Football Gods and creating an apocalyptic collapse.

So please, for the love of God, do not assume the ending of any football game (unless it prominently involves Art Shell and/or any team that passes on Reggie Bush).

New Rule

Also, in College Football, there is controversy surrounding Instant Replay and the Oklahoma-Oregon game.  So I guess the world did go on after Michigan gave Notre Dame the ass-kicking they so richly deserved!  (Sorry, I had to do it.)  Anyway, Sooners coach, Bob Stoops said that he wouldn't complain about the call, and without missing a beat has ceaselessly whined and complained about the call.  He has threatened never to play in a PAC-10 stadium ever again.  He followed that up by dropping to the floor, kicking and screaming until he got the cereal with the toy inside.  Look, I'm an only-child so I'm an expert on bratty and whiny behavior.  So someone please give back Bob Stoops his binky and tell him to shut the hell up.  Although they start with the same letter, winning should never be replaced by whining.  If his defense would have stopped Oregon at any point in the game, the replay would have never been an issue.

So here's the Bob Stoops Rule: MILLIONAIRES AND PEOPLE WHO GET A FREE EDUCATION IN EXCHANGE FOR 12 WEEKS OF ATHLETICISM CANNOT SERIOUSLY WHINE ABOUT ANYTHING!

Okay, onto this week's picks...Last week's records: 7-8 against spread, 12-4 pick'em.  Records for the season: 18-13 against spread, 23-9 pick'em.

And, yes, I know that those numbers do not match up, which is why I am borrowing a rule from Bill Simmons: AS ALWAYS, I AM AN IDIOT.  It seems that I forgot to make a pick for the Seattle-Arizona game last week, which really throws my whole promise to make picks for every game this season.  I'll try not to miss any games this week.

Jets @ Bills (-5.5): The Jets have had a very promising start to the season.  They shellacked the Titans and hung tough against the Patriots.  Meanwhile, the Bills blew the game against the Pats, and took those frustrations out on the Dolphins.  So, that leaves us pretty much even right?  Uh...look I'd like to think in this era of parity, that matching 1 and 1 records would mean relative equailty.  But taking a look at the wins suggests that the Bills actaully had to do more than just show up to beat the Dolphins, which is more than anyone can say about the Titans.  plus, it's in Buffalo.  PICK: Bills.

Bengals @ Steelers (-2): Last year, the Bengals came into Pittsburgh and bitch-slapped the eventual Super Bowl champions.  Truthfully the Bengals have not been challenged, while the Stillers have been nothing but challenged.  I like the Bengals in this game if everyone is healthy, which is not the case.  Don't let the Steelers' pathetic performance on monday night fool you.  The Jacksonville defense can be that good.  Cincinnati's defense can't.  PICK: Steelers.

Jaguars @ Colts (-7): This is my trap game.  I watched both teams this season and I'm thinking thsi line is way off.  The Jags defense is better than a 7-point line.  And Indy can't run the ball.  But then I think to last year, when everyone was waiting for Jacksonville to stand up to the Colts and they crapped the bed.  The Jags have played over-their-heads defense for the last 7 quarters, while the Colts just fought their tomato can opponent, getting ready for another heavyweight test.  PICK: Colts.

Titans @ Dolphins (-11): I don't like the Dolphins one bit.  They look like the Eagles, you know, just good enough to let you down.  Now, what does it tell you about the Titans, because I don't think they can cover an 11-point spread against a mediocre team?  PICK: Dolphins.

Redskins @ Texans (+4): What do you get when you have two teams that probably would have some trouble scoring against Temple?  Yep, you guessed it.  THE PILLOW FIGHT OF THE WEEK!  Look, both of these teams suck.  I'm only picking Washington, because one of these teams is so stupid that they actually passed on Reggie Bush.  PICK: Redskins.

Bears @ Vikings (+3): Frankly, I don't know how the Vikes keep winning.  That's why I can never pick them.  There is no logical way they should have beaten Carolina, other than a John Fox-brain fart. The Bears have pounded weak opponents and face a tough test.  I won't be surprised if the Bears win, but I'm trying to reverse some bad karma here. PICK: Vikings.

Panthers @ Buccaneers (+3): Oooo, I hope Chucky benches Chris Simms during a broadcast that Phil Simms is covering.  Probably won't be this week.  But guess what...Steve Smith is back.  Steve Smith is back.  PICK: Panthers.

Packers @ Lions (-7): Wait a second, we have two PILLOW FIGHTS OF THE WEEK! Wow, it's like a double-header of sucky football.  All we need now are people on each side who don't know when to shut up.  Hey look there's Brett Favre and Roy Williams!  Hey, it's one in the morning and you expect me to actually think about the Packers and Lions?  PICK: Packers.

Ravens @ Browns (+6.5): You know, if the Ravens D wasn't prominently involved we would have a trifecta of pillow fights.  Again, there is nothing respectable about this game.  PICK: Ravens.

Rams @ Cardinals (-4.5): Am I missing something here?  We're talking about the Arizona Cardinals right?  Favored by 4.5?  I know they played the Seahawks tough and won a shootout against the Niners, but we are still talking about the Cardinals.  PICK: Rams.

Giants @ Seahawks (-3.5): The QB matchup is pretty even.  I don't trust either guy.  The Giants have a better D.  The Seahawks are still the team to beat in my eyes in the NFC, but something seems missing about them.  Oh yeah, where the hell is Shaun Alexander?  Was Steve Hutchinson really that important to them?  And why do the Giants have to travel to Seattle two years in a row?  And why am I asking rhetorical questions?  PICK: Giants.

Eagles @ 49ers (+6): This little anecdote wil tell you what I think about this game.  As some of you know, just like Mary, my lovely wife is a Niners girl.  Plus, since she angered the Football Gods, she's a little irate at the Eagles for proving me right.  So tonight she said that she is gonna laugh when the Niners kick the crap out of the Eagles.  I then asked, "So, did you pick the Niners?"  "No", she meekly replied.  Yeah that's what I thought too.  PICK: Eagles.

Bronocs @ Patriots (-7): Wow, where to start.  I think it's pretty conclusive that the Pats are definately the most overhyped 2-0 team (New Orleans is getting press for other things, their 2-0 is a gift of scheduling.)  Things are just not well with them.  Meanwhile, the fanbase in Denver is about ready to crap its collective pants over the whole Jake Plummer/Jay Cutler thing.  Look, I think Plummer is getting a bad rap.  He has a good record and when he is not forced to take over the game, he is extremely effective.  When he has to take over games and win it with his arm, then the interceptions go up as they do with every other quarterback in the league.  No one has a good TD/INT ratio when he is forced to throw every down to get his team in the game.  Plummer is just a former Cardinal and is dealing with being the poster child for that moribund franchise.  PICK: Broncos.  

Falcons @ Saints (+4): I am not getting on the emotional bandwagon.  It's great that the Saints are off to a good start.  It's great that Reggie Bush is so exciting.  It's great that the Superdome is open again.  But, this is about gambling and you can never gamble with your heart. PICK: Falcons.

WILL TEMPLE COVER?: The Owls just about set an NCAA record for futility by slugging it out for matching 62-0 poundings, and in the process blowing 40-plus point spreads.  Wow, on the season Temple has been outscored 133-3.  Now they face one of the Directional Michigan school of the mighty, mighty MAC.  Temple is giving 28 to the Western Michigan Broncos out of Kalamazoo, MI.  Needless to say, I have no real reason to go with the Owls since they have not even had a player cross the goal line yet this year.  But here's to hoping I'm wrong.

Sorry for the late post this week.  Thanks again for reading and I'll do better next week.

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