JR's Random Anger

RIP Kool-Aid 1!

Earlier this week, Steve, my friend and co-worker, who I renamed Kool-Aid 1, left our store to go play with computers in the I.T. department.  So, as he leaves to go be Julian's bitch in Doylestown, I'm going to leave a little gift for him. 

Before he passed away, Kool-Aid swore to everyone, "I'm done!  I'm never watching them again."  Needless to say, that Kool-Aid was talking about his beloved Eagles.  Even though the Chickens are letting poor-old Kool-Aid down this year, there is no reason to fret.  Here are some simple things that all of the major Philly teams can do right now, to improve their chances of winning a title.  (By the way, as the Sixers tipped off on Wednesday to a half-empty Wachovia Center [great job guys!] it marks the beginning of the 91st sports season without a championship in Philly!)  So here's to you Kool-Aid!  Despite what you hear Angelo Cataldi and all of the other WIP bobbleheads, it really isn't as bad as it seems.

Eagles: "Take the menu from Andy Reid."  Frankly, I think Andy is not a bad head coach.  He game plans very well.  Normally, the Eagles have the right plays put into place to beat a team.  But, Andy stinks as a Offensive Coordinator!  Which is esentially his job, since he calls the damned plays.  Look, Marty Mornhinweg has the official title of O.C. Why not make him earn his damned money?  Besides, having someone else dedicated to play-calling might give Andy a chance to do something other than stare at that damned menu, like...oh, I don't know...MONITOR THE FREAKING TIMEOUTS!  I mean it's not like Marty will have to do anything difficult like choosing between thte ball and the wind for overtime.  The game plan is laid out, just let him call the damned plays.  Because not much else needs to be done.  I wouldn't trade McNabb for any other quarterback in the league right now not named Tom Brady.  The defense is good enough.  The offense (when healthy) is good.  Just lose the menu, Andy, and go get a cheeseburger!

Phillies: "Stay out of Pat Gillick's way."  Pat Gillick is the only GM that can feed the line, "We'll be buyers and sellers."  Then he goes out and does it, and damned if he didn't make it work.  The Phils were one of the best teams after the trading deadline.  Now, Gillick, is in the process of completely transforming a logjammed roster filled with immovable contracts into a freely-flowing machine that has interchangable parts centered around some fantastic players (Rollins, Utley, Howard).  His moves with Jamie Moyer and Cole Hammels were genius.  Moyer will likely succeed into a coaching role with the Phillies after his imminent retirement.  Even with a buffoon as a manager the Phils are very close to winning a title.  Hell, they had more wins that this year's World Champions!  Doesn't this sound a lot like a franchise that won back-to-back titles in 92-93?

Sixers: "Tie Billy King down and hide his phone!"  Let's face it.  In a salary cap sport, every team is bound to go into cap hell.  What's cap hell?  It's when a team has bound themselves into paying a lot of money to players they no longer have or players that are way past their prime.  This is your Philadelphia 76ers!  Chris Webber and Allen Iverson will make a combined $39 million dollars this year and $42.4 the next.  By 07-08, $20 million comes off of the Sixers payroll, since they are still paying Todd MacCulloch, Jamal Mashburn, Aaron McKie, and Greg Buckner.  In 08-09 they gain another $30 million dollars in salary dump.  And Iverson goes off the books after '09.  So here's my theory.  Start a mini-farm system.  You know the Sixers are at least 2 years away from doing anything without further binding up the team in useless salaries.  So, just let C-Webb and A.I. play out their contracts.  And for the love of God, DO NOT RE-SIGN ANY MORE DRAFT PICKS!!!  The Sixers have a nasty habit of over-valuing their own talent, and giving them more money than they are worth.  Sammy is not worth $10 million a year and Korver isn't even worth the haircut he needs.  Just let everything play out, and then they can get a real GM that will assemble a winner.

Flyers: "Buy Dynamite!"  I'm sorry but I have nothing good to say about this crapfest!  I don't even like their announcers.  The Flyers are not in cap hell, but in a way they are in Rule-Change Hell.  They have a team filled with archaic big-bodied  defensemen that cannot defend anyone under the new rules.  Forsberg, it seems clear, doesn't want to play in Philly.  And why, oh why don't they trust foreign-born players? 

Okay, so there are only three teams with hope.  Anyway, Kool-Aid I hope you jump back on the bandwagon of another Philly team.  At least, from a humor aspect, you turn driving the bandwagon was quite fun.  Just for the love of God, don't jump on Nova's wagon!

More BC-Mess Talk!       

As probably everyone who reads this knows, I am a HUGE Michigan fan.  Michigan has been my team in College Football, since the mid-80s.  Yes, it started out because they have cool helmets, but once I began to follow the team, they quickly became my favorite football team (yes, ahead of the Eagles).  And since I don't like either Penn State (JoePa is a whiner) or Notre Dame (too arrogant) it became logical to root for the team that regularly plays these two schools and can beat them!  And while I do root for other college football teams like, Boston College (they beat the Irish), Temple (local and Big 5), Air Force (option football) Boise State (Smurf Turf) and Florida (the gator chop is cool), Big Blue stands out above them all! 

And much like any other team I follow, they can't win a championship either.  In my lifetime, all the teams I follow have produced exactly 2 1/2 championships.  This includes 2 titles before I turned 5!  Michigan produced the 1/2 title.  They split the championship with Nebraska, and that was the last year before the institution of the BCS came into existence.

So following the BCS is natural to me this year considering the implications that Michigan has at the very least, a 50% chance of making it to the National Championship!  And it's also why I am taking such delight in the chaos that has occurred below Michigan and Ohio St. in the rankings!  The more chaos, the better the chances that Michigan plays for a National title regardless of the outcome of November 18!  And remember my disclaimer from last week, "Hey, this scenario isn't likely, but it get's more likely every week."  So, here are my bowl projections for the BCS bowls.  Yes, these are subject to change.

BCS National Championship: OSU-UM Winner* vs. Florida*.  Since I don't want to jinx the Wolverines I will not put either Ohio St or Michigan in a bowl until after Armageddon.  Just to get an idea of the National Championship, picture an NCAA B-ball style bracket.  Now just put Ohio State and Michigan on one side.  Then put about 8 other teams on the other side including the loser of Armageddon.  Right now, Florida has the best profile of the rest, IF they can win out.  Another loss from now until December will kill their chances.  (* denotes automatic bid)

Rose Bowl: OSU-UM Loser vs. California*.  How nice is this?  The worst case for the loser of Armageddon is a trip to Pasadena to play in the Rose Bowl.  That's the good news.  The bad news?  Playing Cal!  Don't laugh, Cal has been playing the best football in the country since their opening night shellacking at the hands of the Vols.

Sugar Bowl: Notre Dame vs. Auburn.  The shame of the BCS is this: There will be an SEC team in the BCS that did not PLAY in the SEC championship game.  Because of an early-season blowout at the hands of USC, Arkansas is ranked too low to make a BCS bowl without winning the SEC.  The Sugar Bowl gets the first pick of at-large teams and no bowl would be foolish enough to pick a team other than the Irish.  They clearly have the largest fan base of any team in the country ,which will result in greater viewership and more ad buys.  And who doesn't think the Sugar Bowl will want the "War Eagle" in New Orleans.

Orange Bowl: ACC Champion* vs. Louisville*.  Okay, here's REALLY why the BCS is ridiculous and they need to scrap the damned thing in favor of a playoff system.  The crap soup that is the ACC will automatically put a steamer in the BCS, and it will play host for the Orange Bowl.  But because the ACC Champ goes to the Orange Bowl and the SEC Champ goes to the Fiesta Bowl, the public is robbed of some great matchups.  Instead, the fans in Miami will watch Louisville destroy whatever JV squad the ACC sends.

Fiesta Bowl: Texas* vs. Boise State*.  If you were in charge of the Orange Bowl, who would you take Louisville or Boise State?  Yeah, that's why they're here.  Texas will host assuming they win the Big 12.  Boise State is now off of the bubble and will earn an automatic bid.  They are ahead of every ACC team and in the top 16 which earns them an automatic bid.

Just Missed: Arkansas, Tennessee, Rutgers, Southern Cal.

Here are the NFL Picks. The game descriptions are shorter because of the passing of Kool-Aid.

Chiefs @ Rams (-2): Neither one of these teams is as bad as I thought they would be, so I'll go with the team not featuring a Huard. PICK: Rams

Bengals @ Ravens (-3): "Ocho-cinco" was more like "Mucho-Dumpo" last week. And Steve McNair looked like Steve McNair. PICK: Ravens

Texans @ Giants (-13.5): Whoever said that there is parity in the NFL hasn't taken a strong look at the Texans. PICK: Giants

Titans @ Jaguars (-9.5): Are the Jags really that good, or are the Eagles that bad? Or maybe both... PICK: Titans

Cowboys @ Redskins (+3): You can't spell Tony Romo without T.O. He's still a few weeks away from blowing up the team, but falling asleep in the meeting is a good starting point. PICK: Cowboys

Packers @ Bills (-3): Morency! Losman! Live from Buffalo! It's the Pillow Fight of the Week! One week from the Favre bed-crapping incident. PICK: Packers

Saints @ Buccaneers (+1): The Bucs and Saints will fight a hard-fought battle in Mediocrity Bowl 1. PICK: Saints

Falcons @ Lions (+5): Detroit Stinks! 'Nuff Said! PICK: Falcons

Bears @ Dolphins (-13): Remeber when the Dolphins were everyone's sleeper pick for the Super Bowl? You know that was only 60 days ago? PICK: Bears

Vikings @ 49ers (+5): Wow, the Vikes were bad on Monday. Wow, the Niners were bad...all friggin' season. PICK: Vikings

Browns @ Chargers (-12.5): Shawne Merriman picked a good time to drop his appeal. First game of suspension is against the Browns. There's a reason why their jersey's are dog crap-brown! PICK: Chargers

Broncos @ Steelers (-2.5): Seriously, I don't think the Broncos played that badly last weekend. So why are they giving up points to the Steelers? I mean besides Big Ben finding new ways to try and kill himself have the Steelers done anything of note yet this year. PICK: Broncos

Colts @ Patriots (-3): Hmm, it's a big game which favors the Pats. It's regular season so it favors the Colts. I like Vinatieri in his return. PICK: Colts

Raiders @ Seahawks (-7.5): I can't believe this is a Monday nightgame. Who schedules this crap? I don't know of 10 people who will watch this. PICK: Seahawks

Does anyone know of a good website to get odds for Election Day?  I wanted to post some picks on that but I couldn't find any odds.  Just e-mail me if you know a site.

Thanks for reading again, and I'll do better next week.

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