Darkness and Shadows

8:14:08 PM EDT
Feeling Happy
Hearing Friday Night Lights on DVD

I got this in an email today and just wanted to share it.......

 

A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present Seven Wonders of the World.  Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little.  I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."
The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help." 
The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:
 
1. To See
2. To Hear
3. To Touch
4. To Taste
5. To Feel
6. To Laugh
7. And to Love."

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous!
A gentle reminder -- that the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man.

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7:41:44 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing Savage Garden ~ Affirmation

Wow, what a weekend this has been!  I'm glad that I have today off from work so I can just relax.....and read the new Harry Potter book, of course.  The release party Friday night was so much fun!!  I worked at one of the activity tables where the kids (and adults) got to taste the Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, everyone had lots of fun trying to guess the flavors and then getting really grossed out by what they were and the fact that they actually tasted like the gross flavors......Grass was one of the better flavors, there was also rotten egg, bacon, soap, earthworm, dirt, booger, and vomit. At around 11pm, we shut down the activity tables and started getting everyone into the lines to wait for the release.  While they were waiting we announced the winners of the costume contest which Nick, Erin and I had judged a little earlier.  All the kids were adorable, it was hard to pick just 3 winners.  Then at 5 minutes till midnight, Nick (Harry Potter), Erin (Cho Chang) and I (Hermione Granger) led the parade of books from the back room to the front behind the registers.  At one minute till midnight, we started the countdown and at the stroke of midnight, our store manager, Peter, held up the first copy of the book for everyone to see.  From that point on pretty much all we did was sell the book and keep the people in line entertained while they waited.  I left at 1:30am and the line was still pretty long.  I took lots of pictures at the party and my mother took a bunch too cuz she was there the whole night.  Hopefully I'll be getting them developed in the next day or two so I can bring them into work and post them in one of my journals, at least some of them anyway. 

Yesterday, I worked from 10am til 3pm but it really didn't feel that long, the time went by really quickly because we were so busy that I was constantly doing something.  After work, I spent most of my time reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.  I'm on like page 300 I think, and it's really good so far.  I'm hoping to finish it today. 

Anyway, that's it for now, I'm gonna go read some more. 

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7:53:37 PM EDT

Feeling: tired, happy  Hearing: Law & Order on tv

Hey, I haven't written here in a while so I decided to update.  Work's been good.  A week from Friday is the release party for the new Harry Potter book which is gonna be crazy but should be fun too.   Nick, one of the guys who I work with, looks a lot like Harry so he's been chosen to dress up as Harry and somehow, I've become his "stylist" and I'm also gonna be dressing up as Hermione.  This should be lots of fun, I'll have to remember to bring my camera to take some pictures, and money to buy my copy of the book that night.  I'm gonna be so tired that weekend though, I'm working my regular hours on friday (7am-4pm) and then I'm going back in to work the release party shift which is 6pm-1am (or maybe a bit later depending on how quickly we sell the books and get everyone out of there)  and then I'm working on saturday from 10am-3pm.  I'll be sleeping all day sunday, lol.  It'll be crazy but I'll be making extra money which will be great, both of the extra shifts will be time and a half plus they pay a bit extra per hour for the overnight hours. 
This coming weekend should be fairly quiet and relaxing, Roland's gonna be away for his drill weekend which means I'll be spending most of my time at home.  I'll be doing laundry and catching up on some reading and writing, hopefully I'll be updating my other journals which I haven't done in forever. 
On Monday, Roland and I are planning to drive up to NH to get my tattoo retouched and possibly added to.  The lines on the dolphins and pentacle are pretty feathery, the ink kinda bled or something so the tattoo guy's gonna make those lines smoother and probably a bit thicker to match the other part of the design a bit better, there are also a few spots in the other design where the black isn't quite solid so I'll have him fill those in.  Depending on cost and on how long it all takes, I might start adding the blues to it also.  I'm gonna have swirls of blue shades around the bottom design going up underneath the dolphins like ocean waves.  I'm also gonna discuss my other plans for adding to the tattoo.  Eventually I'd like to add a lot to the tattoo, I want it to cover most of my lower back and I want to have tattoo work done from the back of my neck all the way down myspine so I want to kinda come up with a plan of sorts so it looks more put together and less like I just decided to add on randomly every once in a while.  Also, sometime this weekend or next week I'm gonna go get the jewelery changed in my conch through first lobe orbital to a smaller diameter, they pierced it with a larger diameter to accomodate the swelling.  I may also get the other ear done, but I'm not sure yet, it depends on how much I spend at the tattoo place. 
Anyway, I'm tired and the computer screen is giving me a headache so I'm gonna go lie down for a bit and watch tv or something,  I'll write more tomorrow or this weekend or something

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7:41:30 PM EDT

Feeling: Happy, optimistic     Hearing: Grammy Nominees 2005 -- one of the free promo CDs I got from work the other day, have I mentioned how much I love this job?!

Sorry, I hated the limited choices for moods and the fact that it always showed up in red which really doesn't match my color scheme.

Okay, I'm in a better mood today although my weekend kinda sucked (in case you couldn't tell from the last entry, lol)  My sister Shannon's wedding was on Sunday and I went out Saturday and bought a nice dress and new shoes specifically for the wedding and Roland rearranged his schedule cuz his boss forgot to give him the day off so he spent a lot of time trying to find someone to work for him and finally did on Saturday afternoon.  So we both went through all that effort plus getting up early on Sunday getting ready, doing my hair and makeup and all that and then we drove to South Boston which is where the wedding was and we spent an hour and a half driving around Boston completely lost and wound up missing the wedding and just going home.  ARG!  I was so irritated and upset, I cried the whole way home and Roland felt so bad and was blaming himself which only made me feel worse because it wasn't his fault, the directions were horrible and neither one of us is used to driving in Boston so we had no clue where we were going.  I called my other sister but she didn't call me back and we pulled over and asked some cops for directions and that just got us even more lost.  All in all, it was a horrible, sucky day!!  The good thing is that they're having a party next month to celebrate since the reception they had Sunday was small and short, they got married on a cruise ship before it set sail.  Then after the wedding was a short reception and she and her husband, Steve and a group of family and friends went on a cruise to Bermuda for the honeymoon but because so few people could afford the cruise and they were limited to the number of non-cruise passengers they could invite they're having a big party when they get back for everyone who couldn't make it this weekend.
But anyway, onto other things.  Work has been going great, I love working in a bookstore and the people I work with are great.  We all have lots of fun joking around most of the time which is awesome.  It's also great to talk to lots of people about books and music, I've gotten so many recommendations I don't think I'll ever be able to read them all.......the list is already really long.  I'm looking forward to the Midnight Harry Potter Release Party in July (the 16th, I think)  That should be fun, and of course I'm looking forward to reading the new book, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.  I've been reading a lot of books lately and I'm working on updates for An Eclectic Bookshelf so if you're interested check back soon, I'll let you know when updates are posted there.  Roland joined the Air-Force Reserves and has done two drill weekends so far and is liking it.  I think he'll like it better once he's fully trained and stuff which may not be for a while, right now the Tech School positions are only open to full time military personnel and once they've all gone then it'll open up to reserve members.  He's gonna be gone to Texas for six weeks when he does go which will kinda suck cuz I'll miss him. 
I've been reading this really interesting book recently...."Bare  The Naked Truth About Stripping" by Elisabeth Eaves.  It's a behind the scenes look at strip clubs and the women who work in them.  I started reading about it because I've always wondered what it would be like to be a stripper, I've actually thought about doing it but I dunno if I could actually go through with it.  I'm really interested in reading more about the world of strippers and stuff like that so if you know of any good books on the subject or any journals about it or webpages or anything, let me know so I can check it out.
Okay, I suppose I should go do more laundry and cleaning and stuff now.......I'll write more soon.

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2:20:24 PM EDT
Feeling Angry
I HATE PEOPLE!!!!!  People suck so bad lately........it seems like no matter what I do, someone decided they have to make everything more difficult.  I'm surrounded by selfish people who only think of themselves and completely disregard any pain or inconvience their actions may cause anyone else.  I'm so pissed off right now and I know that what I'm saying isn't completely true because a couple people are actually doing nice things for me too but at the same time they're doing something else which is completely selfish and jerky.  It seems like they only do something nice to keep me from being pissed at them.  I don't know........Life just sucks right now.......whatever.

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9:20:40 PM EDT Ugh!  I hate being sick.......I actually had to call out from work yesterday cuz I was feeling so bad......I'm all stuffed up and my throat hurts, of course the constant coughing isn't helping that at all.  I hate not being able to breathe through my nose, it's probably one of the most annoying feelings in the world.  Anyway, I'm slowly starting to get better.....I've been sleeping alot and drinking lots of Orange Juice and water and eating lots of popcicles to help my throat.  Okay, not much else to write.....I need to drink my tea and get some sleep before work in the morning.....I'll write more when I'm feeling better.

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8:45:31 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing Garth Brooks ~~ In Pieces

I'm so tired right now.....but then I'm always tired lately, my life has been crazy.  Tonight is the first night in a while that I've been able to relax at home for the evening without having to leave to go do errands or go drive my mom somewhere or bring Roland food at work or anything.  I'm glad I don't have to go out cuz it's rainy and cold out there today.....actually it's been cool and rainy all week.  Anyway, work's been going well....another new person started this past monday so we have a full team....well, on paper we do....Erin, a girl who started a few days after I did, is gonna be out for a while cuz she was in a car accident over the weekend and has three broken ribs. So that sucks but I'm glad it wasn't any worse.  I don't know the exact numbers cuz I haven't actually stepped on a scale yet, but I've lost a few pounds at least.  I can tell cuz my pants are fitting more loosley (is that how it's spelled?)  and also cuz someone at work commented on it the other day.  I also dyed my hair a couple days ago.......it's auburn/bright reddish brown again which I LOVE!!!!!  I've always wished that my hair was naturally this color and that I had green eyes, but no such luck......oh well, that's what hair dye and colored contacts are for right? I'm thinking of renaming this journal but I haven't decided what to call it yet, I just feel like I've outgrown it's current tittle (Darkness and Shadows).  I'll think about it some more and if anyone has any suggestions based on what they've read here or whatever, leave them in the comments or send me an email and I'll definately consider them.  Actually, feel free to leave me any comments....I enjoy getting feed back....does anyone actually read this anymore? Anyway, I need to go take a shower to try to loosen up the muscles in my neck cuz they're really sore right now....I'll leave you with the lyrics to a great song from the CD I'm listening to right now.........I love Garth Brooks!  

Standing Outside The Fire     by  Garth Brooks

We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk the tables being turned

We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always comes with getting burned

But you've got to be tough when consumed by desire
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire

We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall

We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all

They're so hell-bent on giving ,walking a wire
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

There's this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly higher and higher
I can't abide
Standing outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

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11:48:57 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing Nothing at the moment So last night when I went to pick Roland up from work he said that he had to drive to the other store in Salem to bring them some register tape and stuff.  So we drive to Salem and we're pretty much right in front of the store when this woman in front of us who has been driving really slowly decides to stop completely and then throw the car in reverse and floor it without even looking.  So we're sitting there, Roland's trying to back up to get out of the way and I reach over and hit the horn and the rear end of a Nissan Pathfinder is coming right at us.  Fortunately, the woman realised what she was doing and stopped before anyone got hurt.  The hood of the car is all scrunched up though so we're gonna be driving a rental for a few days at least while it gets fixed.  It was really aggravating more than anything else.  We were both tired and wanted to just drop the stuff off and go home to bed but then that happened and we had to stick around and exchange papers and info and it was just a big pain in the neck.  I really wish people would realise that the rearview mirror is there for more than just checking your makeup.......lol. 

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10:51:27 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing Law & Order

What a week!!  I'm exhausted, I've been working a lot the past few weeks which isn't too bad since I like my job but it's still very tiring work.  And having to be there by 7am everyday isn't easy for me, I'm so not a morning person, unless I've been up all night and into the early morning, LOL.  Roland's brother Marc moved back in earlier in the week, he and Ali broke up again.  Things have been chaotic around here cuz he's got a lot of stuff and we've been working on getting things moved around and organized.  I'm really looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow morning I need to catch up on my sleep and tomorrow is the only day I'll be able to sleep in cuz I'm working on Sunday morning at 8am to get some extra hours and to get a project done that needs to be done while there aren't any customers in the store so it's either do it before the store opens or after it closes.  Then I won't have another day off till next Saturday cuz I'm working every day during the week now.  Oh well, the money will be good to have.  I can always use more money. 

 

My sister Shannon is getting married next month, June 12th to be exact.  Her bachelorette party is on the 4th which should be lots of fun.  I'm really excited about that.  I've got to get going on the dress though, I'm making a dress to wear to the wedding, I have the pattern and the fabric and stuff I just have to make it now.  It shouldn't be too hard though it's an easy pattern.  As soon as things are a bit more situated here, I'll start working on that. 

 

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11:08:22 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing Stacie Orrico   (Ali, you were right, I love this CD.  Thanks hun!) Hello again!  I know, I'm so bad about writing in here lately.  I just don't have the ambition to do it by the time I get home from work.  So anyway, work's going great.  The people I work with are really nice and I'm kinda getting to be friends with a few of them which is really cool. 
I've actually been dealing with a couple of stressful situations lately.  A friend of mine has been going through a rough time in her relationship, dealing with some tough issues.  Though I just talked to her a few minutes ago and some things seem to be working out and getting better now which is good.  Also, my mother is in the hospital again because of her bipolar disorder which is stressful but probably the best thing for her right now.  She's getting the care that she needs and is getting better.  She's been through this kind of thing before and it usually helps her out to be there so that's good. 
I got my hair cut on Saturday which is awesome.  I got a couple inches trimmed off and it's got long layers which is great.  I love it although, it's not really a very noticable change since my hair's so long.  My hair is down to the middle of my back so a couple inches really isn't that much, mostly I just wanted to get rid of the fried ends and make it healthier looking.  The ends were getting really frizzy and lots of splits so I figured trimming it would make it calmer and keep it healthy.  Eventually I'd love for my hair to grow down to my waist but that's probably gonna take another year or two at least.  I've always loved really long hair, like Holly Marie Combs from Charmed has or like Angelina Jolie has.  Both of those women have gorgeous hair and I'd love to have hair like them. 
I've been reading a bunch of science fiction books which were reccomended to me by one of the guys that I work with.  I've always enjoyed reading SciFi/Fantasy and the books he's reccomended are just really well written books, a little weird though.  Actually, the same guy who reccomended the SciFi/Fantasy books to me also told me about a couple of good poets that I've been reading for the past few days.  One of them, Charles Bukowski, is really cynical and a little bit bitter sounding but also really funny and insightful.  The other poet is Wendell Berry and there's one poem in particular of his that I just love.  It's actually the one that David (the guy from work) had me read so he could show me that he's "not always such a cynical bastard"  LOL  David said it's the best love poem he's ever read and I'd have to agree with him.  It's and incredibly beautiful poem.  It's amazing, every time I read this poem, I notice new things.  I like it even better with each reading.  That's definitely a sign of good writing.  So I'll leave you with the poem, here it is.......


The Country of Marriage
      by Wendell Berry

1.
I dream of you walking at night along the streams
of the country of my birth, warm blooms and the night songs
of birds opening around you as you walk.
You are holding in your body the dark seed of my sleep.

2.
This comes after silence.  Was it something I said
that bound me to you, some mere promise
or, worse, the fear of loneliness and death?
A man lost in the woods in the dark, I stood
still and said nothing.  And then there rose in me,
like the earth's empowering brew rising
in root and branch, the words of a dream of you
I did not know I had dreamed.  I was a wanderer
who feels the solace of his native land
under his feet again and moving in his blood.
I went on, blind and faithful.  Where I stepped
my track was there to steady me.  It was no abyss
that lay before me, but only the level ground.

3.
Sometimes our life reminds me
of a forest in which there is a graceful clearing
and in that opening a house,
an orchard and garden,
comfortable shades, and flowers
red and yellow in the sun, a pattern
made in the light for the light to return to.
The forest is mostly dark, its ways
to be made new day after day, the dark
richer than the light and more blessed,
provided we stay brave
enough to keep on going in.

4.
How many times have I come to you out of my head
with joy, if ever a man was,
for to approach you I have given up the light
and all directions.  I come to you
lost, wholly trusting as a man who goes
into the forest unarmed.  It is as though I descend
slowly earthward out of the air.  I rest in peace
in you, when I arrive at last.

5.
Our bond is no little economy based on the exchange
of my love and work for yours, so much for so much
of an expendable fund.  We don't know what its limits are - that puts it in the dark.  We are more together
than we know, how else could we keep on discovering
we are more together than we thought?
You are the known way leading always to the unknown,
and you are the known place to which the unknown is always
leading me back.  More blessed in you than I know,
I possess nothing worthy to give you, nothing
not belittled by my saying that I possess it.
Even an hour of love is a moral predicament, a blessing
accept it, as a plant accepts from all the bounty of the light
enough to live, and then accepts the dark,
passing unencumbered back to the earth, as I
have fallen time and again from the great strength
of my desire, helpless, into your arms.

6.
What I am learning to give you is my death
to set you free of me, and me from myself
into the dark and the new light.  Like the water
of a deep stream, love is always too much.  We
did not make it.  Though we drink till we burst
we cannot have it all, or want it all.
In its abundance it survives our thirst.
In the evening we come down to the shore
to drink our fill, and sleep, while it
flows through the regions of the dark.
It does not hold us, except we keep returning
to its rich waters thirsty.  We enter
willing to die, into the commonwealth of its joy.

7.
I give you what is unbounded, passing from dark to dark,
containing darkness: a night of rain, an early morning.
I give you the life I have let live for love of you:
a clump of orange-blooming weeds beside the road,
the young orchard waiting in the snow, our own life
that we have planted in this ground, as I
have planted mine in you.  I give you my love for all
beautiful and honest women that you gather to yourself
again and again, and satisfy - and this poem,
no more mine than any man's who has loved a woman.




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