Notes from a Soap Watchin Honey

10:47:19 AM EDT
Feeling Silly
Hearing Cosby Show

Good morning, Class!

Sorry I haven't posted this week, I've been down with a bad cold and I temporarily lost the will to live along with my capacity to breathe.

But I'm much better now!  Thank you NYAngel and WubQueen for the comments, you guys are the best!!  See how I'm still sick?  All I can think of to say is that you are the best!  You are the sun and the moon, the moon and the stars!  Maybe that's better, hehe....

So as I said in an email just a sec ago, I haven't felt up to subjecting myself to the shows.  I had to go ahead and delete some, because the one time I did feel like watching, AMC, for example, what do I have to deal with?  Frickin Krystle. Keeping in mind that she is a fictional character, I have some serious doubts about my mental state because I HATE HER WITH A FIERY, BURNING PASSION!   She is a character that should have been on two months, tops.  I am sorry to offend Krystle fans out there, and let me make myself sound a little less hateful by saying that I actually DO like Bobbie Eakes.  Just hate Krystle.

So as I am faced with Krystle mouthing off to my boy Tad, I just couldn't stand it, and possessed with my Krystle hatred, I deleted all my AMC's and GH's.  So I missed the Spinxie sex.  Let me see if I can correctly predict that love story: Spin will fall for Leyla and just then, that's when Maxie will discover that not only does she actually love Spin, but she's pregnant, and then there will be a Spin Jr.  Because remember, in soap land, having sex = pregnancy.

I will motivate myself to write soon.  I can handle watching the shows as long as I am safe in the knowledge that I can make fun of them with you guys.

 

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12:59:12 AM EDT
Feeling Loopy
Hearing Newhart

I have been sick the past couple of days, and am completely out of good drugs, except for a bottle of Wild Turkey which I save for company because I can't drink really.  Wow that was a long sentence.  Anyhoo, I made myself a toddy to help me relax and sleep tonight hopefully, when I got to thinkin:  Why not have some fun and write about GH while drunk?

I don't really get drunk, merely tipsy.  I sure feel good now.  I may feel like sh*t in tomorrow, heck, in a couple of hours, but I feel great now!   The TiVo was getting kind of full so I deleted Wednesday and Thursday's GH (I couldn't have missed much, huh?) so we just have Friday's episode to work with.

Lemme just finish watching this episode of Newhart.  Be back in a sec.

OK I'm back, and I correctly guessed the ending!

Here we go:

Maxie and Spinelli:  I think their couple name should be Spinxie.  I don't know if anyone has coined that yet, but if not, put me down for Spinxie.  The error of my ways has become clear: by deleting episodes, the Soap Watchin Honey has erroneously missed key moments in the dramatic lives of the Jackal and Maximista.  DAMN.  Oh well... we start anew.  So Stone Cold has been arrested... no matter, he'll be out soon.  Isn't it funny, he's been arrested 183 times at least and every time, everyone's shocked!  Back to Spinxie, I love Maxie defending him to Sonny.  I've had my moments with Maxie but ever since Georgie's death, I have loved her loved her loved her.

Alexis and Diane:  Diane, I love.  She can do no wrong.  Alexis, I'm supposed to love, but I don't!!  I can't stand her.  I think she's a self centered hyprocrite.  As much as I like the Di / Alexis friendship, part of me wants Di to call Alexis on her hypocrisy and walk away.  Dramatically.  And I can't be the first one to say this, but in what universe do District Attorneys defend private clients?  I could understand if Robin was a homeless waif that was being sued for vagrancy, OK, sure.... but there are no other lawyers in town other than the moblawyer and the DA?  And the other mob lawyers?  Oh - of course there aren't.  Stupid question, sorry...  Is it OK if I don't care about Patrick and Robin and the baby?  At least I don't hate Patrick anymore, so that's something.

Jason and Carly:  Let's just go ahead and admit that "Carly" has been three completely different characters.  It took me some time to love this one, but now I DO!  You go girl!  I don't even care if you're a hypocrite, which yes, does make me a hypocrite, but I don't live in Port Charles so it doesn't matter, I can hypocriticize all I want, I can even invent my own language - I can do anything!  WOOO I love this toddy!  I might be in the minority but I love Jason and Carly's friendship because I love how important she is to him.  Awww!!!  If Jason loves her, Carly must be OK!  And I LOVE how he loves Spin!!  Yeah, he's a mobster, but I love 'im!  And I am no longer distracted by his hair.

The Port Charles Police Department:  [Insert hysterical laughter].  Barney Fife could do a better job, without his one bullet.

Claudia / Anthony:  This is an odd one for me.  Claudia?  Love her.  SB can do anything and I'd love her.  Bruce Weitz?  Ditto.  Together?  I don't know.  There's a creepiness and edginess to their scenes which is frankly too much stress for me.  So I am missing key things here, but if I were to make a guess, I would say that Claudia is Johnny's mother, yes?  Not his sister?  

Lulu:  Is it normal  for me to hate somebody's hair this much???  Jesus, borrow a hair clip, I can't stand it!  Speaking of hair, I don't know how to say this but girl, your roots are showing.  I know you've been busy with the mob lately, but $10 at the drug store.  Invest.  As much as Lulu gets on my nerves, I'm going to give her points tonight because I can see how much she wants to tell Lucky what really happened.  Or maybe it's the toddy talking.

Scott:  Is sailing in the Carribbean with his daughter Serena?  They couldn't give the man a day's work to find out his son was murdered???  I find this Serena mention unsatisfying given the circumstances.

Kate:  No amount of public humiliation or Sonny chest-puffing will get me to feel sorry for her.  The only time I ever liked her was at the Black and White Ball and that's only because she had nice hair that week.  Why should we feel sorry for Kate?  She's an arrogant self-righteous snob who is always showing off and she treats Maxie and Lulu like sh*t.  I don't like her and I ain't gonna.

Final thought:  I don't think all that much of Jax but I would LOVE for him to hit Sonny.... why does this show want me to be violent?

 

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12:34:55 AM EDT
Feeling Pensive
Hearing The Hum of the AC

Hi there! BIG thanks and wots of wub to the Wub Queen for the plug!!  You're the best!!

OK, I'm going to go ahead and do all three episodes at once, thereby completing the week.  Tomorrow it's going to be GH so I'll need some medicinal help with that... here goes for AMC:

Randi:  I know I'm supposed to care about you and feel sorry for you, but I don't.  I think you're a nasty, bitchy snob and I really don't care about what happens to you.  Now go away. 

Frankie:  Remember when you were in Pine Valley a few years ago and it was revealed you had a child with Mia and Simone broke up with you because you watched her brother dying?  Yeah, neither does anybody else.

Crazy Annie:  "They're going to cut my brother..."  EW!  Details less?  Go stare at the water fountain again so Ryan can keep talking about you.  I do have to thank you though.  That murder scene was funny!!  It reminded me of the last scene in The Graduate when all those people are shaking and mouthing and finger pointing.  Comedy is good, except when it's intended to be drama.  "I am not the one who ran over Richie, and that is the honest truth."  As opposed to the lying truth; I'm sure it doesn't go by Jesse that she didn't say "I am not the one who killed Richie."   And why has she had time to change her purse not once, but twice, that's a total of three purses, folks - in just a span of 36 hours give or take?   Don't worry Annie, Jesse doesn't care that you have a pregnancy test in your purse.  Unless you killed Richie with it.

Ryan:  The good thing about the fact that he doesn't "remember" loving Annie is that he isn't really inclined to protect her.  By the way, nice pants (snort!).

Zach: "Well now I'm telling you to count me out, how's that working for you?"  OK this attitude with my Jessie?  NOT working for me.  You all but fingerprinted yourself, so shut up and take it.

Jesse:  Are you the only sane person in this town?  And damn, is your office drab enough?  I know you haven't had time to decorate, but seriously.

Colby:  If you seriously are more worried about a text that you got from Corina over a person your car ran over, than you are no daughter of mine.  I no longer have time for these people (Dre, Cassandra, that means you too).  FF we go!

Erica and Sam:  So don't care.  I will say that even in FF mode, I can tell that Erica is getting more perks in six months of jail time than most people get, well, at all.  I should be watching the scenes with Melvin and Mario Van Peebles, but given the material they have given Sam so far, I have to say, again, so don't care.  I'm not understanding why, given the potential of creative writing and drama we could have had these two actors perform, the best AMC can do is... Erica Kane's love life???

Angie:  First of all, why are you doing the autopsy?  Don't you have people to do that?  Rogers from Law & Order would have figured out without even looking that the blow on the head killed him and not the car.  Also, didn't I just see you in the hall fussing over your son and the hooker?  How are you doing both?  Explain.  And also you can explain why I am here trying to apply logic to a soap opera.  Please take that nasty girl and throw her out of your home!  Please???  Tell her that it's not that you don't want Frankie getting involved with a "cheap whore", it's that you don't want him to get involved with a nasty unlikeable bitch.  Is there anything likeable about her?  Tell me, maybe I'm not seeing it.

Richie:  Here's a guy I was supposed to hate and didn't.  Guess GH has numbed me as far as evil is concerned.  Not clear on why you handed Annie the murder weapon though...

Fusion Girls:  They are back and they brought their UGLY clothes with them!  Why can't these girls dress??  Is the AMC wardrobe department color blind, or just blind?

Aidan and Greenlee:  Whatever.  When Greenlee was in the boat and she stretched her head and neck back, it reminded me how I used to get neck cramps when I watched her look up to Leo.  She looked like a little Pez dispenser.

Carmen and Jackson:  I'm all for a scene that gets me some Jackson action.  And I like Carmen.  Maybe when they re-do the opening, they'll put her in it and I'll get more than .03seconds of smoldering Jackson staring!  As much as I love Carmen, I am finding it hard to believe that once again, Erica's love life is the focus and not her own life.  I know it might sound like I don't like Erica, but I do like her, I just like her when appropriate, not all the damn time. 

Babe and JR: Babe, isn't it at all possible for you to talk without emphatically moving your head?  JR, I love you but not with her.  You know how I feel about her.  Therefore, I must FF your scenes with her.  I'm sorry we couldn't work this out.

Tad:  Where are you??????  You've left me to deal with these people by myself!

Kendall:  You're BACK!!!  You're BACK!  No more rolling over!!! She's back and she's pissed!  Grabbing Annie's arm, just like the old Kendall!  Oh Happy Day!

Until next week, when we get to watch Ryan man up and hopefully Kendall makes Annie pay?

 

 

 

 

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6:51:10 PM EDT
Feeling Nauseated
Hearing GH

Here's to a two day old GH:

Lulu:  "Ohmigod, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stab you!  I'll get help!  But first let me watch you collapse."

Logan: "OK, and let me just fall down using my hands to put me into a better death position. Is this good?  Should I move over?  K, I'll just stay here like so."

Anna:  Finally, someone in Port Charles who is smart enough to invest in bullet proof glass.

Noah:  Um, hi.  We haven't met.  But I do know your whatshisname's father, so no reason to beat me over the head with it.  But I love this: "Are you serious?  You selfish ass!"

Patrick:  No talking about your life during surgery.  Dumbass. But believe it or not, I'm on your side over Robin.

Sonny and Claudia:  It's really hard to understand what they're saying when I'm FF'ing.  Oh wait, this is dragging on, so I better listen.  Let me settle in.  Claudia, leather?  In NY?  In July?  Ick.  But I do love you.  I can't believe I'm listening to Sonny give Claudia a pep talk!

Jason:  Please take a memo to the GH writers - I think what you meant to say, twice today is "couldn't care less," not that could care less.  When you say you could care less, you are saying it is indeed possible for you to care even less than you do.  And I love you.  But I'm distracted by how your hair is standing up like a little chia pet!  Did Jax lend you his hair gel?

Epiphany:  Good to see you laugh.  Let's keep it up.

Lulu again:  I beg to differ, Luke would be proud of you.  I don't know what that says about Luke, or those of us who love him, but...

Spinelli:  You are not for nothing called the Jackal.  The Jackal must move at super-speed.  Two weeks ago, while in just a few minutes of Jason / Sonny conversation time in Jason's office, you had time to go to the pier, look forlorn, get rescued by Leyla, go home, change, accompany her to a wedding, get champagne for Leyla, and meet her mother, all in three minutes of screentime.  Now on Tuesday's ep, we find that in the few minutes of Jason / Carly conversation, you had time to take your laptop, go somewhere (with a printer no less) surf the net, print the picture and "hasten" back to Casa de Stone Cold while forgetting that three minutes ago, when you left, you did so because the Valkyrie was there.

OK, I'll be back later for AMC.  I am behind until I feel better but I warned you that might happen :)

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9:13:01 PM EDT
Feeling Exhausted
Hearing All My Children

WOOHOOO, three cheers for the Wubqueen!!  Before I forget, since I had no energy today to do anything but sit down and watch TV, I saw Sonya Eddy (Epiphany on GH) on Touched by an Angel, and both Cady McLain and one of the ex-teen stars we don't care about on Special Victims Unit.  Ahh, soap sightings!

Now on to the show.  Yesterdary's still.   I won't see today's until tomorrow because I had to Tivo Click and Clack's As the Wrench Turns. 

Aidan:  Let me make myself perfectly clear.  You need to make yourself perfectly clear!  I can't understand you.  It's not that you have an accent, it's that you mumble.  Actualy you MUMMMMMBLE.  Please try your lines once more, with feeling!  We know you can.

Jake:  OK, you look gooooood.... You've come a long way from the Dean Frame days of mullet on Another World.  I like the way they write for him because he's just the right amount of sarcastic and honest. 

Angie and Jesse:  I don't know why but I love it that he commented on her hair.  Nobody ever does that on soaps! "Karma usually has a wing-man..."  I love it!

Krystle:  I cannot stand Krystle or Babe and I don't normally even watch scenes that they're in.  And I hate her with Tad.  I love Adam and as much as I can't stand her, I don't mind her with him.  But that's the only time.  And damn that dress is ugly!!  It makes Kendall's top look plain.

Kendall:  That's it.  You and I are going through your closet this instant!

JR:  A Skye mention!!  I'm intrigued.  Continue. 

Annie:  It's good that even though you've been busy killing and fake mourning your brother, you've had time to change your purse.

That's all for tonight, I either fast forward or slept through the rest.

 

 

 

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3:01:38 PM EDT
Feeling Sick
Hearing Without a Trace

This isn't my day... I'm sick and nothing is going right.  Every morning, I check www.wubs.net, except for I didn't this morning cause I don't feel good.  Imagine my distress to see that before this blog was even created, she posted something in the same format which I later posted.

I love you love you love you wubqueen!  I promise I didn't steal from you!  It's just a case of great minds thinking alike and in frustration!

Love,

Soap Watchin Honey

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1:04:12 AM EDT
Feeling Thoughtful
Hearing General Hospital

I ff'd a lot of GH, I just really don't have time for Kate and Jax or Lulu and Logan, so here is everything else:

Kate:  Ugh.  There are no words.  But I feel very comfortable hating you.

Carly: I know you actually do like and respect Spinelli, but how about a "By the way, how are you feeling?" before you make the poor kid work?  And as much as I love you, I'm not really seeing how Jax kissing Kate is worse than you sleeping with Sonny.  I'm trying, though.

Lulu:  See the entry for Kate.  Next time, and we all know there will be one, try this:  911, send: "HELP!"  Also since the police commisioner's daughter was the one you saw attacked, proably they'd like to know that.  Does Logan use a teleporter?  How'd he get down from one building to the one across the street so quickly?

Sonny:  You've been a jackass for so long now, I forgot that you can actually be nice to those you care about.  Also, it's not that people think you are making a mistake to, as Robin so strangely put it, "retire from the mob," it's just that they know you don't mean it and you'll be back "in" before your "wedding" to "Kate".

Jason:  You are the only one in this episode that is making sense.

I don't have any Claudia comments.  Except she's gotta be Johnny's mother.  I knew when she said to Carly, "He's my little boy...."  I liked the Carly / Claudia scene, hope I get more.

OK, bedtime, goodnight!

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12:22:48 AM EDT
Feeling Adventurous
Hearing All My Children

I'm still on Monday's episode.  I watch them on SoapNet.  GOD that show "MVP" looks stupid!  Do you think they made it a hockey team to attract a male audience?  As if they possibly could?  Also I am tired of that ad for Night Shift, as if Jagger's return is comparable only to the second coming of the Messiah.

Annie:  If you insist on staying in Pine Valley, you are simply going to have to add another facial expression to your repertoire. Maybe Ryan can teach you that one-eyebrow-raised-in perplexity stare he does.  I really can't deal with the blank expression any longer. "My brother is dead and I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it."   Why don't you check back to see how you felt when you were killing him?  I just flashed back to the last time Annie went to "identify" Richie.  Remember?  Before she turned psycho, way back when she was likeable?

Ryan:  First of all - dude, your tie totally clashes with your jacket.  Turn your tie down, the noise is giving me a headache.  Second of all, what the hell are you still doing with Annie? Take Emma and go live in Wildwind, I think it's empty now. And if the person on the phone said to you that they suspected Richie was dead, why did you ask "When?"  And also, how are you telling Annie he is dead when you don't know for sure yet?

Greenlee:  You said three words I never thought I would hear you say: "You were right".  And to Aidan, no less.

Kendall:  I know I am always sitting here wishing for the Old Kendall to come back and stop you from rolling over when people treat you like crap, but we don't tell our nannies they are spending the night, we ask them. And I hope you're paying her double time.  And your shirt: UGLY!  My GOD!

Zach:  Way to use Richie's body to hoist yourself back up.  Make sure you leave some fingerprints so you can be suspected, and move the body around a lot.  It's good to know that his PA license plate is AAA-0101. Mine is AAA-0102, so we must have been next to each other in line at the DMV.  But, that aside:  I love you!! "Any idea where they're going to bury him? ... cause I'd love to be the guy that puts the cover on the hole." 

Aidan:  I will forgive you for giving lip to Jesse, but can we please try to enunciate? "Canspoona ala sofa Zack gets back" - Um... what???

Richie:  Billy Miller (if that is his real name...) is a fun actor to watch, so in that regard it's a shame Billy is dead.  And the good news is that pretty soon, those of us that play the "Richie destroyed our lives" drinking game won't get completely drunk in the first ten minutes of the show!

Colby:  No comment... (I have comments, but I was referring to AMC showing, without regret, a drunk 18 year old).

Babe:  I know I'm supposed to like you and the whole entire world has forgiven you for what you and your Mama did to Bianca (though I know I never will), and you just got kidnapped and everything - but SHUT UP.  I just noticed something.  All the Fusion women are dressed really stupid today.  I know they haven't had time to change what with the drama and all, but...

OK, that's all the AMC for today.  Let me see if I can get any GH viewed before the Advil PM kicks in.

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11:22:21 PM EDT
Feeling Rebellious
Hearing Watching L&O: SVU

Now that I have my own blog, I can finally say this.

I read Soap Opera Weekly for the same reasons I watch the soaps.  I don't know what those reasons are, but they are the same for both.  A few weeks ago, the OLTL editor, Some Woman, printed an article about Renee Elise Goldsberry Jr that annoyed me.  I wrote to both Renee and the editor and shockingly, neither of them wrote me back.

Ms. Elise Goldsberry II has the honor of being the FINAL Mimi in the most brilliant and life-affirming beautiful musical ever written, RENT.  Ms. Renee-Berry was comparing Mimi to Whatshername, the character she played on OLTL.  Evangeline?  Whatever.  Anyhoodle, she said that Mimi has different issues than her OLTL character had like "worrying about getting AIDS".

Perhaps, Ms. Goldsberry, you hadn't yet READ the script?

I pointed out in my emails, as I will point out again, that not only is Mimi sick throughout the whole show, though the audience doesn't know that (oops, hope I didn't give it away...) but what is more, she knows that she is dying.  That's kinda the point.  The whole idea of RENT is to affirm that there is LIVING and potentially happily living, even though you might be dying.  To be "living with, living with, living with, not dying from disease!".

I am hopeful that Ms. Renee Elise Goldsberry was woefully misquoted and we can blame Soap Opera Weekly for this whole thing.

 

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9:43:04 PM EDT
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing Watching All My Children

Hello everybody!!

Welcome to you from me to my journal blog thingy.  I'm Soap Watchin Honey.  Nice to meetcha.  I'm assuming if you're here you're either a friend of mine or a a soap fan.  Thanks for visiting...Here's what I want to say:

What the hell kinda crap are we watching?  Why do we watch instead of resisting?  I know not; I'm a sucker I suppose.  My complaints with AMC and GH will be many and often.  I have quite a lot in my life so there will be days where I am quiet and there will be weeks where I am a day, even a few days, behind on soaps.

The first thing AMC greeted me with on Monday's show was an advertisement.  Um, hi AMC, I'm already WATCHING so you can kinda skip the ad.  In the ad, they show that Richie is dead! dead! dead! and anybody from Adam to Tad is a suspect.  Did Adam or Tad ever even have any scenes with him?  And they are telling us all over the place that Annie did it, but most importantly they don't even SHOW that Richie is actually dead until ten or so minutes into the show.  And we're supposed to be surprised that he's dead? 

Annie is so obviously guilty and I'm so sick of her clinging to Ryan I'm ready to lend her money for the crazy train that she's supposed to be riding out of town.  When?  You can go Annie, I've BEEN done with you.

And Aidan, YOU can go too.  Don't you talk to my Jesse that way!!  I may not understand what the hell you're saying but I understand tone, buddy, and I'm not having it!

But here's what I really want to talk about.  Opal's walking around disrespecting those in the psychic profession by portraying them as stupid, ditzy, clueless , airheaded women who go around scaring people.  Anyone who has ever had a Tarot card reading let alone who has given one KNOWS that the Death card DOES NOT MEAN DEATH.  It means transformation, change, rebirth, transition.

As in transformation from a show that could potentially suck to one that does (or vice versa...)

Not DEATH, Opal.  Not Death.

 

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