My Rambling Mind

Basketball season is right around the corner. I love basketball---I love playing it, improving at it, and just having fun with it. Now, I'm not terribly great at it but it's fun, so I try anyways. Open gyms are on Sunday nights, like tonight . . . The only problem I have with this is the resurfacing feeling of not belonging. I go to these things, these extra things, and I try to fit in and feel like I belong. Unfortunately, I know that I do not belong. No matter how many things I go to, how many people I talk to, how many people I try to keep from annoying, I don't seem to be getting anywhere. I see the way they all look at me . . . I know they wonder why I'm still here. I know they don't want to talk to me . . . so I keep to myself but I feel so lonely. I'm tired of being lonely but there's no other way . . . I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so frustrating to try and understand----trying to understand myself and where I fit in are so hard. I can't understand myself. I can't understand why I'm doomed to this life of everyone else but always being left out. I've got friends, but not best friends. I just don't understand why. My TRUE life . . . that's a secret only discovered by those who read this . . . maybe that's the problem. But I've learned too much about how NOT to trust to be any different.

|  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this