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2:45:00 AM EDT
Feeling Sad
THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO'VE LEFT ME HEARTFELT PRAYERS
i just want to say THANK YOU to all of you that have stopped by my journal to wish us well & offer your prayers & sympathy for my situation.
I cannot tell you all how much this has meant to me and my mother.
we finally had to bring nana to the hospital. this is the first step in having her admitted to a nursing home. my poor mother came home today in tears. i asked her if nana was upset that she was there, etc. my mother's answer..... she had no idea where she was and asked me to come "downstairs to her apartment and she'd make me some coffee". my mother just burst into tears!!
we have tried so hard, especially my poor mom.... for a number of years now, to keep nana with us. she was so afraid of being put "away" that as a child she made me promise her that i would never do that to her.
that's quite a big thing to ask a child to promise, but that's how afraid she was of it happening to her. now, she has no clue that it's exactly what's happening. my heart is broken in a million pieces. and no matter how much logically i know that this is the right decision, and that my mother & i can do no more for her, it doesn't make the decision any the less difficult.
i've already gotten promises in stone from my best friend & HP that the gods forbid this ever happens to me he is to make sure that it's a quick death. i'm not joking... that's EXACTLY what i want. and i know that to ask someone to do something like that is perhaps seen as "horrible" in most people's eyes, we both understand and have no problem doing it for each other, no matter what the laws state.
anyway, it's now 2:45AM, i'm such a night owl.... but i do need to get some shut eye so again.... THANK YOU ALL. you can not know just how much all of your words have meant to me. my heart is just bursting with all of the love that you all sent me. i cannot thank you enough for this.
till the next time........................
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I just want to send hugs your way! :(
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I can't imagine how heavy both yours and your mother's hearts must be. This was never going to be an easy solution. In all honesty it's the best one for your Nana. That knowledge by far doesn't make it any easier. I feel the same you do, I wouldn't want to live in limbo not knowing what was going on around me. I continue to keep you and your mother in my prayers on the smoke during this difficult time. (Hugs) Indigo
http://journals.aol.com/rdautumnsage/ravens-lament/
4/6/08 7:34 PM
Kathy