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Saturday, March 8, 2008
2:36:30 PM PST
Hearing StocktonRocker's Tunes
Scoot's Youtube Playlist
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Monday, April 23, 2007
3:56:48 AM PDT
~LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD~
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. "My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood. The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!!! Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time he is crouched behind a tree stump. "My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood. Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign. "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf", taunts Little Red Riding Hood. "With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams... "Will you get lost?! I'm trying to poop!"
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3:55:02 AM PDT
~THE CONVICT~
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound-up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!" "Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a nice, tight butt!"
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Saturday, April 21, 2007
5:39:58 AM PDT
~AUTOMOBILE FEUD~
Scoot & his ol lady had been debating the purchase of a new automobile for weeks. Scoot of course wanted a new truck and his ol lady wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. Scoot would have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything his ol lady seemed to like was way out of their price range. "Look !" his ol lady says. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. "And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me." For her birthday, Scoot bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
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Friday, April 20, 2007
9:47:39 AM PDT
~MEXICAN RESTAURANT MENU~
Two Jewish men, Sid and Al are sitting in a Mexican restaurant. Sid asks Al, "Are there any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?"
Al replies, "I don't know. Let's ask our waiter." When the waiter comes by, Al asks him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
The waiter says, "I don't know, Señor, I'll go ask the cook." He returns from the kitchen in a few minutes and says, "No, sir, no Mexican Jews."
Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"
The waiter, realizing he is dealing with "Gringos," gives the expected answer. "I will check again Señor," and goes back to the kitchen.
While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."
The waiter returns and says, "Señor, the head cook says, No Mexican Jews!"
"Are you certain?", Al asks once again, "I can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!"
"Señor, I ask EVERYONE," replies the exasperated waiter, "We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews
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9:33:07 AM PDT
"BLONDE AS HELL"
A girl comes skipping home from school one day.'Mommy,Mommy,she yells,we were counting today,and all the other kids could only count to four,but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! Very good,says her mother.Is it because I'm blonde,the girl says.Yes, it's because you're blonde,says the mommy.The next day the girl comes skipping home from school.Mommy, Mommy,she yells,we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G! Very good,says her mother.Is it because I'm blonde Mommy? Yes,it's because you're blonde.The next day the girl comes skipping home from school.Mommy,Mommy,' she yells,we were in gym class today,and when we showered,all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!' And she lifts her tank top up to reveal a pair of 36Cs.Very good,says her embarrassed mother.Is it because I'm blonde, mommy? No Honey, it's because you're 24.'
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1:04:59 AM PDT
~TWO DESCRIPTIONS~
Description: of a Missouri Virgin
An ugly crossed eyed buck toothed 7 year old girl that runs faster than her 8 year old brother!
Description: of Relative Humidity
Sweat that runs down your sister in laws back while your doin her dawg style out on the front lawn..
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12:59:33 AM PDT
~BART'S REFLECTION~
Bart scans the guests at a party and spots an attractive woman standing alone.
He approaches her and asks her name.
"My name is Carmen," she tells him.
"That's a beautiful name," Bart says. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replies. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I love the most,
like cars and men etc etc."
Then she asks, "What's your name?"
And Bart answers, "Beerfuck
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12:45:52 AM PDT
~THE OLD COWBOY~
An old cowboy sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
As he sits sipping his drink,a young woman sits down next to him.
She turns to the old cowboy and asks, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replies,"Well,I've spent my whole life,breaking colts,working cows,
going to rodeos,fixing fences,pulling calves,bailing hay, doctoring calves,
cleanin my barn,fixin flats,workin on tractors,and feeding my dogs,
so I guess I am a cowboy."
She says, "I'm a lesbian.I spend my whole day thinking about women.
As soon as I get up in the morning,I think about women.When I shower,
I think about women. When I watch TV,I think about women.I even think about
women when I eat.It seems that everything makes me think of women."
The two of them just sit there at the bar sipping their drinks in silence.
A little while later,a man sits down on the other side of the old cowboy and asks,
"Are you a real cowboy?"
The old cowboy replies,"I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian.
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12:23:38 AM PDT
"JOINT SMOKIN MONKEY"
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "hey! what are you doing?"
The monkey says "smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints.
After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over
and falls into the river.
A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "what's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river
while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up
and says "hey you!"
The Monkey looks down and says "fuuuuuuck dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"
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