The First Child of Sundrip Journals (AOL Hometown hosting)

I had nightmares about snakes and driving a car off the road. I dreamed about a lot of recurrent themes and then woke with a gasp. I was laying on the bed horizontally instead of virtically. I knew it had been a bad night when I woke that way and with a gasp. Right now I'm not feeling too good, kind of depressed. I said to myself though, I'm not accepting this feeling. Today will be a managable day with or without depression.

Austin

UPDATE: 12:07 midnight

I said this day would be a good day with or without the depression and it was. I did manage to eat 3 meals as planned. I did manage to spend a good amount of time with the dog as well as human being. I messed around, hung out with some friends and then came in and watched TV. I did no cleaning even though I had planned to. But I think today was a success because I threw out the crap that I was told about "who I am" and what I "deserve" and just lived life for what it is. that is victory for me. This is how its suppose to be.I dont need a trophy or a plaque on the wall to tell me that I won this day you know why? Because no one else is getting one for living in adulthood, for living life with no fence around thier head. People that come home from work and do what they need to do,that live life as it comes, no one gives them a trophy. so why would I be given one for doing the same thing. Me fitting into the mold of everyday human struggles is enough for me. Have you ever not wanted to stand out? Is it odd to know that when the bills come in I fit into the average joe mold and that it fits just fine? Or that when the pc breaks down it means I fit into the age of technology and it fits just fine? I want to be the average joe. I know that the average joe has depression, bills, family woes, inner struggles. I know the average joe gets some of what he wants and a lot of what he doesnt want. I also know the average joe is happer than Joe Millionare. Cause there's no need to out do the Joneses. No need to have thier name in lights because the predictability of life is so much more pleasant than uproar and scandle and reaching for things that are so very out of reach. I dont think aperson has to keep reaching higher and higher if where they are is comfortable and safe and lets them thrive. If the body goes to a natural platau, why can't we do that in life and be satified with what we have?

Austin (on the march)

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